AITA for warning my FIL he’ll lose his son and never see his grandkids if he bullies his own son over the names we chose for our children?

A Reddit user (late 20s) and her husband recently became parents to twin boys. They named one of their sons after her husband’s late brother, who passed away at a young age. However, her father-in-law (FIL) and his wife have been upset, arguing that both boys should be named after the late brothers, including her husband’s stepbrother.

FIL has been relentlessly pressuring them to change their decision, and after multiple attempts to discuss it, the Redditor decided to warn her FIL that his bullying behavior could lead to him losing contact with his son and grandchildren. Now, tensions are high as FIL and his wife react negatively to her stance. To read the full story and understand the fallout, check out the original post below.

‘ AITA for warning my FIL he’ll lose his son and never see his grandkids if he bullies his own son over the names we chose for our children?’

My husband and I (both late 20s) became the parents of twin boys a few weeks ago. We live over 20 hours from his family and with the boys delivery being difficult we asked for them to wait to visit. Once his dad and dad’s wife saw the names they started acting crazy.

We named one of our boys after my husband’s late brother, who died age 9. My husband adored his little brother and wanted to honor him. We both loved his brother’s name so it was a very easy choice for us. But his brother wasn’t the only one to pass in the accident. His stepbrother also passed away in the same accident. And my husband’s dad and his wife are pissed that we honored his brother, but not the stepbrother.

It started with my husband being asked by his dad why we chose his brother’s name only and why both boys names didn’t honor their late uncles. From there it has grown increasingly clear that FIL isn’t going to let it go. FILs wife is also chiming in but significantly less than FIL. She tried to start a group chat to discuss it and said that we had broken the hearts of the whole family with our choice and she wanted us to explain. But we both simply left that attempted group chat.

FIL has called my husband names, has told him he’s ashamed and tried to pressure him to change our other son’s name to honor his late stepson. My husband told him to stop. He has stopped answering the calls and texts but FIL bullies him. That’s really what it comes down to. He’s trying to pressure him and he acts like this is a decision everyone should get a say in and not just the two of us. Because of this we have decided not to set a date for them to visit.

FIL called me to discuss what was going on and I ignored him at first but then I was so angry because he told my husband that he ruined his brother’s memory and had become a son nobody could be proud of. It got to my husband a bit and he broke down. He had a good relationship with his dad so the words stung and we talked about how we might need to not have him in our lives.

So I answered the second call and FIL tried telling me I should have kept my husband in line and made him see why we were wrong. I told FIL to stop and I warned him he’ll lose his son and never meet his grandkids if he doesn’t stop b**lying my husband. I told him I will not let my kids be around this and I told him nobody should be pressured to honor the dead when they name their child and nobody should be told how to name their child. I said as the parents it’s up to us, not him as the grandfather.

He started calling me names and that made me end the call. I had to block his number because he was calling me heartless. My husband was angry his dad turned on me. He also appreciated that I spoke up and said he’d consider blocking his dad if nothing changes/calms down and we don’t get an apology. We both think it’s unlikely. FIL’s wife did text my husband saying I had no business calling FIL a b**ly and threatening him like I did.. AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

DietCokePeanutButter −  Definitely NTA. Congratulations on the arrival of your twins. In what should be such a joyous time you are being forced to deal with some atrocious behavior. Your FIL is an a**hole. He may still be grieving, but that does not give him permission to be an a**hole and to treat people.poorly. He needs to seek therapy, and if he has already had therapy, he needs more!!!

marianacc1994 −  Time to go NC for at least a while.

joemc225 −  A day wouldn’t go by that I wasn’t thankful those in-laws lived 20 hours away.

RaymondBeaumont −  INFO: Why would you be an a**hole to try to protect your husband?

jollyzoex −  **NTA**. Your FIL is being controlling and m**ipulative, and you’re absolutely right to protect your husband and kids from his toxic behavior. You and your husband made a deeply personal choice in naming your children, and it’s none of your FIL’s business to approve or dictate how you honor anyone.

You didn’t “threaten” him; you set a boundary and warned him of the natural consequences of his actions. If he continues to b**ly and emotionally abuse your husband, it’s only logical that he won’t get to play the role of doting grandfather.

The fact that FIL is resorting to name-calling and dragging his wife into the mix shows he’s not interested in understanding your perspective, only in controlling the narrative. You’re doing the right thing by standing firm and prioritizing your family’s well-being over his demands. Let him stew in his anger while you enjoy your precious time with your twins.

RevolutionaryCow7961 −  If this is true, do yourselves a favor and both of you block both of them. I wouldn’t respond to anything unless they came crawling back asking for forgiveness!. NTA.

CurrentExciting8087 −  You are absolutely NTA. I think the father is still dealing with some grief regarding the accident and to see one honored but not the other was a bit of a slap in the face because to him those are both his sons.

But you have every right and so does your husband to choose which to honor in which you don’t want to it could have been as simple as you didn’t like the name of the step brother had and the father-in-law should have been okay with that because it’s your child your choice however if you want to reconcile this you need to set him down and tell him straight up that you didn’t want to it’s a simple not wanting to and further will result in blocking but you also should try and encourage him to get help because it’s seeming like he’s projecting grief onto you.

writing_mm_romance −  I would encourage your husband to send a final message (not call) that says something along the lines of…

“The words I never thought I’d hear from my own father were “you’re a disappointment of a son” and why did I hear those words? Simply because I chose to honor my little brother. Your cruel and needless words have made me question why I put you on a pedestal as someone to look up to my whole life, now you’ve disappointed me and shown me you’re not the man I thought you were.

I will be taking space from you for the foreseeable future, and unless or until I receive a heartfelt apology from both of you for your treatment of both me and my wife, you won’t be involved in my children’s lives – no first birthdays, no first words, not seeing them walk for the first time. You’ve created this divide, now the ball is in your court to bridge it, but you’re going to have to bridge it alone.”

Then go no contact until they can meet those guidelines. People don’t always show up how you want them to, but we can teach them what we’re willing to accept and what we’re not.

MaleficentProgram997 −  Congratulations on your twins. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think you’re right to block contact with your in-laws. I have ZERO doubt that once your kids are old enough FIL will say stuff to them about their names and you don’t need that, and neither do they. I’m glad your husband is grateful for your standing up for him. Stand your ground. Good luck.

_–Marko–_ −  Your child. You’ll can name the kid whatever you want. Anyone who got an issue can Eff off.