AITAH for telling my “sister”, nobody wants her here?

A Redditor (unspecified age, male) shares his frustration with his family dynamics, particularly around his brother’s ex-girlfriend, Maria, who is still present at family events. Despite the breakup, Maria continues to be included in family gatherings, which has caused ongoing tension, especially with his brother, David. In a heated moment, the Redditor told his sister, Jessica, that “nobody wants Maria here” and excluded her from family events.

Now, his mother is furious, and the Redditor’s fiancée thinks he may have gone too far. To get more details, read the full story below…

‘ AITAH for telling my “sister”, nobody wants her here?’

So I have three siblings: my older brother John, my younger brother David, and my younger sister Jessica. This whole thing started around fifteen years ago when David got a girlfriend with whom he was inseparable. Maria would always be around, which annoyed John and me because we were older than them, but we eventually came to accept it. My mom loved Maria, and I used to joke that she was her favorite child. Eventually, we also got to know her, and she became part of the family.

The problems started a year later when Maria broke it off with my brother, and from what I know, it was her choice. If there were any drama or infidelity involved, I wouldn’t know about it. My younger brother was heartbroken, and that night was the first time me and John took him to party with us and let him have his first experience with alcohol, he was sixteen at the time.

My mom and David had a couple of big fights because she was still always around after their breakup which at the time was really funny to me. But as I got older and saw my brother be excluded from everything I just felt like we were losing him.

I have tried talking to my mom about it, but she always tells me that we are all her kids, that she invited everyone, and that it’s David who refuses to come. We had a couple of fights about this, but my mom wont give in and says she is not excluding anyone. I even suggested we invite them in turns like she comes for Christmas and he comes for New Year, but she keeps saying no. She says that she is not depriving her daughter and grandchild of spending New Year with their family because my brother is such a baby.

So, I sat Maria down and tried to be honest with her. I told her that I really liked her, and maybe we could have been friends and family if the situation had been different, but I had to choose, and my relationship with my brother was more important to me. She got pretty angry, which I could understand, and told me that she only had us and that if I expected her to tell her kids that they could not see their grandparents anymore, she would.

I told her that I asked her to have no contact with them but that I was just defining my relationship with her. I am sorry her kids don’t have a lot of family, but she can’t just expect me to be their uncle. She didn’t accept this and started to badmouth me to anyone who would listen, how I was sexist and a bad person. Some extended family believed her, but my siblings pretty quickly took my side, and she has kind of become isolated since.

We didn’t even go to her birthday party this year, but we got an earful from our parents. Like I am sorry she felt hurt and cried, but she needs to understand we don’t consider her family, and move on. So it kind of came ahead of the last family dinner last week where we, like usual, were ignoring her and went to the living room when she and our mom were talking in the kitchen.

My mom eventually came out and started to scream at us again about us being bad siblings, and I kind of lost it. I told her that its funny how she cares so much about her while David has not been to one of these dinners in years. My sister tried to stop me, and maybe I went too far, but I told her that she needed to get it through her head that nobody wanted that woman here.

So Maria heard me and started crying as she got her stuff and left. And to be honest, I didn’t care anymore. All my life, she has been weaponizing her tears against me and forcing me to have a relationship with her. That night, I told my siblings I was not coming for Christmas and that I was having it at our house with David, and they could come if they wanted to.

They both were hesitant but accepted. I told my parents the same thing via text and have not answered their calls for the last few days. My mom messaged me that I should be ashamed of myself and that she was not coming or ever speaking to me again. I told her that I was not excluding anyone and that she was invited, and it was up to her to accept or not, which I know was kind of petty of me.

She had blocked me and didn’t even let my dad come over to watch football last weekend. My fiance thinks I am taking this too far, but I feel like I can’t sit by and do nothing anymore as David gets left behind by his family for some random woman. Edit: Marias child is not my brother’s. I thought I said that by mentioning I was not the uncle. But people keep asking, so I added it.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

AffectionateCable793 −  NTA. Your mother is, in essence, excluding your brother. Go ahead and have a separate family holiday celebrations with your siblings.Your mom doesn’t seem to give a crap about you guys.

devskov01 −  Wow the Mom has forced one of her kids out to make room for his ex and now she is torpedoing the rest of her familial relationships. Impressive. NTA. You bro won’t forget your support and your mother has lost her damn mind.

Goddessdepollo −  NTA so they broke up at age 16 and she is still coming to dinner age 30-ish? Where did this grandchild come from? Why did you not do this within the last 15 years? Where was her family?  HOW DID YOUR MOTHER BOND SO DEEPLY WITH A 15 YEAR OLD?

w1nt07 −  NTA. But who’s the father of Maria’s kids,

shammy_dammy −  Grandchild? What grandchild is she referring to ? Did Maria and David have a kid? Either way, NTA.

Puzzleheaded_Pay431 −  Guess who’s going to live in a s**tty nursing home one day?

Potential_Cry_8128 −  NTA. I’m assuming since it wasn’t exactly mentioned, other than you not being her children’s uncle, Maria’s children are not your brothers. So they are not even your mother’s grandchildren. Your mother is willing to ruin her relationship with her actual children. While it’s nice she’s willing to give Maria that family support, she’s alienating her own children since this has gone on for so long. She needs to separate things so her own children feel welcomed.

degenerate-titlicker −  Damn. She breaks up with him but still i expects to be seen as family when all she had was a brief, 1-year relationship? Your mom sucks r ally bad but my god is Maria a solid cunt holy s**t.

rmfkr −  NTA, mom sounds like she wanted another daughter. Stick up for your brother if that’s what you feel you should do (I agree with you).

thefullnine4rain −  NTA…your mother is, though. And who the heck is SHE to tell your father that he couldn’t come to your house to watch football? Talk to your dad to see if he’s just that horrifically hen pecked, or if he agrees with your selfish, delusional mother, so you know where you stand with him.

If he’s on your side, but afraid of the dire consequences of ‘disobeying’ his wife, maybe he needs a lesson in standing up for himself. It would be great if you could get him to come to your place for Christmas and leave his selfish, overly entitled, overbearing wife alone with her oh, so precious Maria.

But it sure seems that the baby is her focal point…and that Maria knows it, takes advantage of it, and does what she can to continue to get that attention she craves from your mother. They’re both selfish, controlling AHs at this point.

I think your mother just wants bragging rights as a dutiful grandmother…and it means more to her than her own kids. So here’s an idea…tell her if she doesn’t settle for only seeing Maria on non holiday or non family days, you’ll all cut her off, and when you have kids, she won’t be allowed near them…that since she chose a non relative to be her grandchild, that’s the only one she’ll ever have. See if it scares her straight.

It might only make her angry, but so what? She DESERVES to be treated like SHE isn’t family any longer, just like she treats you. And no matter how mean people may think that is is irrelevant – you would still NOT be TA…your mother stopped being a real mother when Maria came along. I don’t think she was joking when she said she was her favorite child. That’s not something a good mother would ever say, joking or not.