AITA for buying a house without “consulting” my GF of 4 months?

A Redditor (37M) recently purchased a house without consulting his girlfriend (32F) of 4 months. As a single dad, he needed a new home closer to work and his kids’ school. However, his girlfriend was upset that he didn’t involve her in the decision, especially considering her desire to have children. He’s questioning whether he was wrong for moving forward without discussing it with her, given their relatively short relationship. To read the full story, check out the original post below…

‘ AITA for buying a house without “consulting” my GF of 4 months?’

I (37M) am a single dad with two kids (16M & 14M). I met my GF (32F) back in February. We dated casually and non-exclusively until September and then began dating exclusively. My GF has indicated that she wants to have kids, she has no kids currently. I am definitely open to that, but have told her only after dating at least a couple of years.

I have been looking to buy a new home. I absolutely hate living where I am living. I bought it when my kids were little and it was convenient then. But, my work is 30 minutes away and the boys’ school is 45 minutes away. A house came on the market in a neighborhood 5 minutes from work and 10-15 minutes from the boys’ school, and was listed well below market value. My realtor called me, I saw it that same day, and made an offer. The offer was accepted.

I told my GF the good news. She was less than thrilled. She asked why I did not “consult” her. I have been looking for about a year and the reality is houses go quickly. Often, not even on the market for a day if reasonably priced. I had to move quickly. I explained all this, but she is still upset.

I talked to my sister (34F) about this. She says she gets her frustration. My sister said that she was in the same position two years ago, she was a single woman in her early 30s looking to get married and have kids soon. In that two years, she met her husband, got married, and had a kid.

So, from her perspective, my GF is thinking that this is the home her kids are potentially going to be raised in. I can see that, but I feel that it is a little premature to expect I will consult my GF of 4 months before buying a home. That is moving a little too fast from my perspective.. AITA?. –

Check out how the community responded:

childishbambina −  NTA. You’ve only been exclusive since September, sure she might be imagining a life with you but doesn’t mean she has a say in your housing now.

tidymaze −  NTA You’re barely a couple. Honestly, this is a red flag that should be heeded. I wouldn’t have kids with this woman before setting up some stuff legally for your own kids. If she’s this upset this early in the relationship, I wonder what she will demand down the road. And I’m saying this as a woman.

JJQuantum −  NTA. It’s too soon in the relationship for her to force an opinion on a house you bought with your money, regardless of her biological clock.

teenaaangel −  nta. While it’s always ideal to communicate openly in a relationship, after just four months, buying a house might not necessarily require consultation if you’re financially independent. However, it could cause tension if your girlfriend feels excluded or if you’ve been building a future together. It’s important to discuss major decisions with a partner, especially if the relationship is serious, but it ultimately depends on the dynamics and expectations you’ve set.

Mother_Search3350 −  4 months..  She doesn’t get to even have an opinion about your finances and your boys. Dating is two people getting to know each other and figure out if they are compatible with each other.    Nobody does that in 4 months.  You need to keep being a dad to your sons and making financial decisions to make them secure and feel like they matter  A 4 months girlfriend doesn’t get a say.  She needs to get her head in the right place and understand that you are a father first and her boyfriend second. 

Your sister did not have 2 teenaged kids to consider when she made her life decisions. She was still wanting to have kids. She was a single woman searching and didn’t marry a man with kids.  You already have kids who are an integral part of your life. You have been house hunting longer than she has been in your life. You and your sons have been having discussions about the move since before she was even a part of your life. 

She needs  to either understand that she wants to be a part of an established family dynamic  with a man who has 2 teenaged sons, or find herself a man whose focus will only be her and her wants and her needs to ‘ start a family and make babies’ . . NTAH.

au5000 −  NTA. You’ve been house hunting longer than you’ve been seeing this woman. I expect the house will last longer than her too.

TopAd7154 −  NTA. I’m having a really hard time seeing where your GF is coming from. She seems to be putting all her eggs in one basket with you. And I don’t think you need to consult a girlfriend of less than a year about buying a home for you and the children you actually have. Four months. That’s a really short time to be talking the way she is.

SnooCupcakes780 −  It was definitely way premature to consult your GF about this, its only been few months. I think you need to be more clear with her: while you are open to having a child and a serious relationshiop, you are a single father and you can’t just jump to a relationship like that. its been nice few months but the relationship is not yet serious enough where discussing topics like this are relevant to you.

TinkerbellRockNRolls −  You’re NTA, but you’re also mismatched. She’s 32 and wants kids. She doesn’t have time to wait for you to figure things out. Although you had a right to make this real-estate decision, you also shot her the message that she (and her wants/needs) don’t figure in to your short-term and intermediate-term planning. If she really wants children before her biological clock runs out, she needs to move on.

Optimal-Apple-2070 −  NAH tbh. I think it makes sense to make this decision quickly and not wait for her opinion on it. You don’t even know if she’ll ever live there; your opinion is the relevant one here.

That being said, I fully get why she feels weird/upset about it. It sounds like she’s thinking of your relationship as on the road to being more, even if it’s still early days; I can understand feeling blindsided and upset by an unexpected major life decision that she didn’t know you were making. And you didn’t say that she’s been guilt tripping you about it or making demands or threats. She’s just being honest with her partner about a weird feeling she’s having. I don’t think she’s wrong or an a**hole for that.

If she starts being a j**k about the house, or if you use this as an excuse to ice her out, then I’ll change my vote. But for now there’s barely even a conflict here–you have more words about what your sister thinks about your housing than what your girlfriend does. It’s not even clear to me if she expected ownership in this decision, or if she’s just sad that you didn’t text her “the house I saw was great, I’m putting in an offer!”

Don’t let reddit tell you to make this mole hill into a mountain. You made a choice; she was surprised by that choice and she communicated with you about it like an adult instead of nursing resentment; life goes on.