AITA for the role I played in getting me and my younger siblings removed from our parents?

A Redditor, 15, is grappling with the aftermath of him and his younger siblings being removed from their parents’ home due to the dangerous behavior of his older sister, who has a conduct disorder. Though he had long protected his younger siblings, his decision to finally speak out about the escalating situation led to their removal from the home.

Now, his family is angry with him, and his aunt and uncle are blaming him for the burden his siblings’ absence has caused. Was he wrong for taking action, or was it the right decision for the safety of his younger siblings? Read the full story below to decide.

‘ AITA for the role I played in getting me and my younger siblings removed from our parents?’

Me (15m) and my younger siblings (10, 8, 7 and 5) were taken from our parents a couple of months ago. I have another sister (16) and she was a big part of the reason. Ever since I can remember she was always doing stuff to hurt people.

Didn’t matter who it was. She’d lash out and do stuff to hurt people. I never got hurt because I was about the same size and would push her off. But she hurt our parents and other kids before and when we had younger siblings it was the same.

A few years ago she was in the hospital for a while and when she came back out our parents sat me down and told me she had something called a conduct disorder and it’s why she is the way she is. They didn’t explain it to me but I looked it up and it fits my sister a lot.

When she came home we were given a case worker who’d come and she helped my parents find resources and it was her job to make sure things didn’t get so bad that someone had to leave the house for good. She was never around during the bad stuff.

Ever since my younger sister (10) started crawling I had to protect her if my older sister tried to hurt her and then it was my other siblings too. My younger siblings would sleep with me or in my room because they were afraid of our older sister.

I don’t feel like my parents ever did enough to keep my younger siblings safe. That was on me. And I didn’t mind doing it for a long time. Even when the case worker would ask I wouldn’t be as open about how bad things would be and how much stuff happened. Now I regret it but I thought I could do a better job.

My older sister’s getting more dangerous though and one time I got home late and my siblings locked themselves in my bedroom because they had the family laptop for school stuff and she wanted it. My mom was trying to calm her down but it wasn’t happening and she was really losing it. When I got her away from my room I got inside and locked the door again and I was able to comfort my siblings enough that they fell asleep.

I think they were just so afraid it made them tired. Then I called the case worker and told her it was getting worse and how bad things really were and I admitted we were locked in the room. She came to the house and there was someone else with her.

They talked to each of us and after a couple of days we were told to pack some stuff and we’d be going to stay with family. My aunt and uncle took my siblings and my grandparents took me. My grandparents couldn’t cope with all of us but my aunt and uncle didn’t want me.

Since we were removed not only are my parents mad at me, and I’m mad at them too, but my aunt and uncle blame me because my siblings miss me and my aunt and uncle feel like I put this big burden on everyone because I got us taken from our parents.

I try to see my siblings as much as I can but I’m also dealing with stuff that’s come to light more. I’m in a really bad place mentally and I’m not sleeping like I should be. But my aunt and uncle keep saying I’m not being there for my siblings and since I’m the reason we were taken I should be taking it seriously.. AITA?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

Nia04 −  If your aunt and uncle want you to see the siblings more, then they should have let you live there. You did the right thing. If your older sister had really hurt one of your other siblings, you would always wish you had done exactly this.

The CPS might be able to help you with your mental health and stuff right now. It might be worth reaching out to them and asking. You can also tell them if you think your aunt and uncle aren’t fit to care for your siblings. They always want to keep the children with family, but sometimes that’s not what’s best for the children.

Inahayes1 −  You aren’t the person who got yall taken away. She was. You did the right thing. And f your aunt and uncle. They didn’t have to live in fear like yall did. Why don’t they just take your violent sister and you and your siblings and go home? I bet they would say no. Your sister needs to be in a hospital.

DeliciousMud7291 −  You did the right thing. Let me say that again: You did the right thing! Everyone who is mad at you can go f**k right off. You SAVED your siblings and yourself. You sister is a psychopath and that is NOT your fault. The fault lies with your parents for not protecting you and your younger siblings from her abuse. You, my dear, are NOT THE A**HOLE.

Direct_Tie996 −  I’m so sorry that everyone around you failed you! They failed you and your siblings. You were parentalized. It’s easier for your aunt and uncle to blame you than look at how bad the situation really was. What, and who your sister is and what your parents weren’t doing. Keeping a safe environment. Focus on your health. See them when you can. Know you may have saved all of your lives. I wish you had more support.

Odd-End-1405 −  NTA. Your parents failed you and your siblings. It was their responsibility as parents to deal and attempt to work on your elder sister’s mental health issues, but it was also their primary responsibility to protect their other children from your sister. They failed miserably.

I am so sorry your extended family is choosing to blame you instead of your parents and themselves. Where were they when you and your siblings needed help? Where were they when your parents were obliviously o**rwhelmed and not able to cope with their mentally ill child in a way to protect their other children? Where were they when your sister needed more assistance then your parents were providing?

Unfortunately ALL the adults in your family failed you all. I am hopeful they will look in the mirror eventually, doubtful because it is easier to blame the victim and a minor. Please continue to be open and honest with your case worker. Your extended family may not be the best place for you all.

Yes, foster homes can s**k, but there are also a lot of people out there that do it to help children such as yourselves that, through no fault of their own, are in horrible situations where being away from their biological families is necessary for their wellbeing. Please do NOT feel guilty. You have done more than any big brother should ever have to.

UnCarlosCualkiera −  You are MINOR! and a VICTIM!! how can your uncles be sooo cruel and out of touch. NOTHING, and I REPEAT, NOTHING that happened is your fault. Ypur parents should have taken better measures regarding your sister. Your grandparents and uncles should be supporting you and your younger siblings. Try keepiing in touch with your siblings, even if it’s only through mail or texting.

I don’t know what your sister’s problem is, but maybe she needs to be institunionalized. Good luck, and do not let your uncle and aunt mistreat you.

Infamous-Cash9165 −  NTA ask your aunt and uncle “Why are my siblings seeking comfort in me instead of our parents, what does that tell you about them?”

IsaidWhatIsaidBlowMe −  NTA. You and your siblings were failed by everyone but that case worker. You did the best you could, even though it was never your responsibility. I wish I had more uplifting words, but I s**k at that stuff. Contact the case worker and ask if she has any mental health resources for you if that hasn’t been brought up yet.

Seranfall −  Your sister needs to be removed from the home. That fact your parents aren’t pushing for that is insane and shows just how badly equipped they are to deal with your sister. That girl deserves the help she needs and its clear she isn’t going to get it from your parents.

Substantial-Back-969 −  You didn’t do anything wrong. You protected your siblings. Your relatives don’t understand the burden that was handed to you. Your relatives should have understood that something was still wrong with your sister, and she wasn’t getting any better.