WIBTA if I don’t invite my cousin to my wedding?

A Reddit user is facing a dilemma about whether to invite their cousin to their wedding. While their cousin has shown little interest in the family and has been openly hostile to their mother, inviting him could lead to serious fallout with their aunt and grandma, who have a very different perspective.

Despite their fiancé’s strong feelings against inviting him, the user is torn, knowing the potential for family conflict. Read the full story below for more details on the family dynamics and the wedding dilemma.

‘ WIBTA if I don’t invite my cousin to my wedding?’

I am recently engaged. My dad has a big family, but on mom’s side it’s just her, my grandma, my aunt, and one cousin. I don’t have the highest opinion of my cousin. I didn’t notice it growing up due to an age gap and him not taking much interest in the family (show up to Christmas in time to open his gifts and leave right after, etc.),

but in adulthood I’ve pretty much gathered that he got all of the worst traits from his parents. He’s self absorbed and acts like he’s better than us despite obvious issues with gambling and alcohol. More importantly, he’s been openly hostile to my mom recently. Demeaning her and even threatening her over her conflicts with my aunt.

Mom’s relationship with her sister is shaky at best. My aunt has always been my grandparents’ favorite child, and so her son was always their favorite grandchild. I love my aunt, but she consistently creates problems between her and my mom because she knows that no matter who starts it or what it’s over, grandma will take her side.

Every time. And mom will have to fix it. Every time. Things have only gotten worse since grandpa died. My aunt has been insufferable. Grandma moved out of her house, but not before my aunt gutted the place for anything of value, sold it, and kept every penny for herself.

Grandma tried to give his truck to my brother, who doesn’t have a vehicle, and there was dispute over that for weeks until she was allowed to sell that too. Everything notably sentimental of my grandpa’s went to my cousin: the flag he was given as a deceased veteran, all of his medals, and the pocket knife he carried every day of my life.

I was given a mug that I had never seen before. I actually wouldn’t have held that against my cousin, if it weren’t for this: When grandpa died, he didn’t come. My brother, my fiancé, and I were there for the whole process. We took time off work to help his wife and daughters while processing our own grief.

I overheard a phone call where this 80 year old woman who had done everything for him (bailed him out of jail, took him in when his parents abandoned him in high school, anything he needed), asked him through her tears to come be with her…and he wouldn’t come.

My fiancé is very against inviting him to the wedding. In his words “if he doesn’t want to be a part of this family, he doesn’t have to. If he won’t cry with us he doesn’t get to laugh with us.” I am inclined to agree. The problem is that if I don’t invite him, the damage to my mother’s already fragile family unit might be irreparable.

My aunt will never forgive me, or her for not making me invite him, and grandma will be devastated that i don’t want my cousin there. The truth is, even if I invite him, he likely won’t come, so I might be creating an issue where there doesn’t need to be one.

Also important to note: my mom hasn’t asked me to exclude him. She doesn’t want more conflict. I am the one who doesn’t want him there. So, wibta if I just didn’t invite him?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

Maximum-Ad1146 −  NTA – It’s your wedding you and a time for you to celebrate. If inviting someone could interfere with that in anyway then why invite them? Also, it doesn’t sound like you have a close relationship to your aunt and cousin anyways.

BJGuy_Chicago −  NTA. It’s your wedding, invite who you want. Period. I’ll add this though: If it was me, I’d never send him an invite, but say you did. You know he’s not going to show, so why waste the postage? Is it “ethical”? Nah, but it saves drama.

ClassicCommercial581 −  NTA: In the Marine Corps, we have a name for this type of guy – Jackwagon. Stop enabling your aunt and cousin’s terrible behavior. They act like this because they have been enabled their entire lives.

Your grandmother is reaping what she allowed which is sad but not your problem. Have your wedding without the drama of those two because I can pretty much guarantee they will try to ruin the day for you. You have your fiancée to think of as well; it is their day, too.

Lozzanger −  I’m going against the grain here but I think YTA if you don’t invite him. You won’t be hte one who suffers from this choice. Your mum will. Your grandma will. And while I agree with you that I wouldn’t want him there’, it comes down to if you love your mum and grandma more than you dislike yiur cousin.

BKRF1999 −  You and mom need to grow backbones. Family is not a license to treat you and your mom like crap

_s1m0n_s3z −  Invite him without a +1. Late. Hope that he doesn’t come.

Useful_Context_2602 −  NTA there is nobody that you have to have at your wedding other than your SO

EmpireStateOfBeing −  I think you would be an AH to your mom by making her life difficult over something that doesn’t have to be… that said, I wouldn’t invite him either.

Agreeable_Feature_21 −  Definitely NTA. But if you don’t think he’ll come anyway and it would create more drama not to send the invite, maybe consider whether it’s worth it? My mother told me I had to invite every one of my cousins.

So I got married an hour and a half away because I knew the ones I didn’t want to come wouldn’t. The day was stress free for me to enjoy with only those I wanted. 

Foofieness −  Honestly? YTA. Actions have consequences and while I understand your feelings the consequences of not inviting him will not fall on you and your fiance, they will be taken out on your mother and grandmother. S**k it up for him.

Weddings are busy and you won’t have to spend more than ten minutes with him. Speak to your photographer and make sure he’s on the end of every family picture and you get a few without him so he can be cut out. There are ways of doing this no one will notice. But invite him and spare your mama the drama.

Do you think the user is justified in not inviting their cousin to the wedding given his actions and behavior, or should they prioritize family unity over personal feelings? How would you navigate a situation where inviting a relative could cause a rift within your family? Share your thoughts and advice below!