AITAH for telling my mother-in-law she’s not allowed in the delivery room?

A Reddit user shared her frustration after telling her mother-in-law (MIL) that she isn’t allowed in the delivery room. Despite the user’s attempts to set boundaries around her pregnancy and delivery, her MIL seemed overbearing—insisting on being present during birth, staying in their home post-baby, and even offering to determine the baby’s gender through ultrasound photos. Tensions escalated, and now extended family members are calling the user out for “robbing” her MIL of the experience. Was she wrong for setting these boundaries? Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for telling my mother-in-law she’s not allowed in the delivery room?’

Hello, I (27F) recently married my husband (27M) back in May of this year. My husband and I recently found out I was pregnant and are very excited to first time parents. However, there’s an issue with his family. For context, my husband’s family is very large and close knit. Because of this there are boundary issues.

My husband’s parents had two kids, my SIL (29F) and my husband the youngest. Whereas I am one of three sisters and me being the middle child. Both my older and younger sister each have children of their own and I have learned boundaries when it comes to posting their children on social media (I usually post their kids hands or backs of their heads) because I respect my sisters and their wishes.

My husband’s family disregards this notion and will post whatever. Recently, a friend of ours is due to give birth and my MIL stated she couldn’t wait to meet the baby before they leave on a New Year’s trip that was planned a year ago. Now I know I’m wrong here when I asked why she would think said friend would allow visitors since it’s holiday season and people tend to get sick. She gave me a look but didn’t respond.

Now a week ago I found out I was pregnant and my husband, bless him, was so excited he told his parents and sister. Soon I got flooded with congratulations texts from his extended family which infuriated me since I don’t know how far along I am. I told my husband I’m very early and not out of the woods yet of possibly having a miscarriage.

My husband got defensive at first but when I told him I didn’t even get to tell my parents or sisters and the hurt in my voice he quickly apologized. Last night we had dinner at his parent’s place to celebrate the news but also go over expectations for future news that we want privacy and to set boundaries.

Once dinner was in full swing his mom had started asking us about our birth plans and when she thinks I’ll be due so she can ask for time off. She asked what hospital we decided and she couldn’t wait to be in the room. She then mentioned to have a room ready in our house so she can assist us with the baby. I looked at my husband and back at her because she kept rambling on and not allowing me to speak up.

Finally I cut her off and told her it’s just me and my husband that’ll be in the room only. Once we get home we want a week to ourselves to enjoy baby. For her staying with us I thanked her for kindness but she won’t be living with us. She looked offended and said her son would want her to be there. I looked at my husband and he told his mom that he agrees it should only be us in the room and no one else.

My FIL, bless him, tried to defuse the heated discussion by stating to his wife that it’s okay and times are different. She somewhat simmered down and asked once I find out the gender if I can allow her to do a gender reveal. I told her we don’t want to know the gender it’ll be a surprise. She said, “that’s okay bring me the ultrasound photos and I’ll know.”

I so badly wanted to respond back to her but honestly I was so emotionally drained. I stayed quiet the rest of the night and have been a tad distant to my husband. Today, I got a text from my husband’s relative stating I was an AH for telling MIL she can’t be in the room and am robbing her from that experience. Reddit, am I the AH for telling my MIL no?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

i_swear_too_muchffs −  Your body, your baby, your boundaries. Do what the f**k you want to do. This is your experience not hers.

Realistic-Animator-3 −  NTA. It’s not your responsibility to provide ‘experiences’ for your mil. She had two kids, so she’s had that experience…twice.

nonamejane84 −  When I was in labor (and literally pushing my first baby out of my vag), my sister opened the delivery room door and decided to casually waltz in to “watch” me deliver my baby. My face was mortified but I had an amazing nurse who turned to her and said “THIS IS NOT YOUR BABY! GET OUT”. My nurse was a shark but she was amazing and took care of that s**t for me. All to say, tell your medical staff that no one is allowed in the room and they’ll take care of it if she even tries to pull a fast one.. NTA. I’d just laugh and ignore.

tigerz0973 −  NTA. You’re not robbing her of any experience as she has given birth twice! I don’t understand this entitlement of some folks seeming to think it’s acceptable to tell someone that they will be in the delivery suite while they’re giving birth. The person who is giving birth has the right to have who ever they want and to exclude whoever they want including the father!

I’d start being firmer with your boundaries with MIL and anyone else who oversteps. Your husband needs to start having your back and initiating conversations with his family about expectations going forward.

Awkward-Tourist979 −  It’s your husbands job to shut his mother down.

Super_Philosophy_744 −  You’re not the a**hole. It’s YOUR pregnancy and YOUR birth experience. Setting boundaries isn’t wrong, especially when they’re not respecting your privacy. Do what feels right for you, and your hubby’s got your back.

petitemmeow −  You’re not the a**hole. It’s your birth, your privacy, and your boundaries. MIL needs to chill and respect that. You and your hubby are the ones who should decide who’s there. You’re just setting healthy boundaries, not robbing her of anything.

angelsssweet −  NTA. She’s a SAHW, so like, the house is kinda her job, right? You’re busting your ass at work, and she’s glued to her phone? Nah, that’s lazy. The ultimatum isn’t crazy—you’re asking for basic effort. Marriage goes both ways, not just you doing it all.

Curraghboy1 −  Nta, You need to put it in writing and have your husband sign it. When he inevitably caves to his mother and allows her in the birthing suite that both of them will be removed and divorce will follow.

EasyStatistician8694 −  NTA. This is your birth, your child, your rules. She had her time. This is yours. Kudos to you and your spouse for having a unified front and setting boundaries. Keep it up. It will make your home so much more peaceful.