AITA for asking my cousin, who doesn’t knit, to give me our deceased grandmother’s knitting needles?

OP’s grandmother passed away, and all of her grandchildren were given the opportunity to request items from her possessions. OP, who is the only grandchild to continue knitting, asked for her grandmother’s knitting needle kit.

However, her younger cousin, who doesn’t knit, also requested the kit and ultimately received it, while OP accepted a signature perfume as a substitute. Years later, OP finds out that her cousin isn’t using the knitting needles and asks if she can have them back, as they hold sentimental value.

After asking, OP is confronted by her aunt, who accuses her of bullying her cousin into giving up the needles, causing tension at Thanksgiving. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for asking my cousin, who doesn’t knit, to give me our deceased grandmother’s knitting needles?’

My grandmother taught my cousins and I how to knit when we were old enough to follow instructions—usually around 8 to 9 years of age. Out of 20+ grandchildren, I was the only one to stick with it.

When my grandmother passed away, all of the grandchildren were all given an opportunity to request items from my grandmother’s possessions. I asked only for her knitting needle kit. My other cousins asked for multiples of her jewellery, vintage perfume bottles, silver combs, etc.

My younger cousin, who doesn’t knit, not only requested some of above but also the knitting needle kit. Through some debate, my mom and my aunt were arguing over who “deserved” the needles. My mom relented because she didn’t want to fight during a difficult time.

My cousin ended up getting the knitting needles. I got a signature perfume my grandmother loved wearing. My aunt swore they were the original glass bottles my grandmother insisted on keeping and refilling.

I knew they weren’t because the tops were plastic, not the beautiful frosted glass I remember growing up. Anyway, I was upset but let it go. I also received small inheritance which I was grateful for. With it I bought a knitting set and yarn.

Fast forward, it’s Thanksgiving and my cousin brings up that she has been cleaning out her attic. She mentions she stumbled on some of our grandmother’s things, including said needles. These SENTIMENTAL ITEMS are in her ATTIC.

Later on, I am helping her clean up. She’s wearing my grandmother’s wedding ring. I ask her if that was the other item she asked for. She explains everything she ended up receiving which was a much larger inheritance ($10k) and far more valuables (including the perfume bottles I supposedly got).

I ask her if she’s using the knitting needles. She says no and I ask her if she would be open to the idea of letting me have them and use them. She said she’d think about it and the rest of the night went on. At some point during the night my cousin must have talked to my aunt.

Who came out of left field when I was walking down the hallway and said how awful it was for me to ask my YOUNGER cousin who is only 4 years younger and over the age of 30, and b**ly her into giving up a sentimental item like that. I’m sober by the way because I’m the DD. I’m stunned.

I explain that I simply asked and that my cousin said she’d think about it. My aunt starts raising her voice at me, to the point where my uncle comes out and asks what’s going on. He immediately takes the side of my aunt, but tries his best to deescalate.

I’m driving my parents home and I ask my mom about what actually happened when they were dividing everything up from my grandmother’s estate. She says she doesn’t want to talk about it and now I’m being awfully weird about it.

How embarrassing it was that I’d even think to ask about the knitting needles and how it was NONE of my business what my cousin got. Despite my cousin gleefully giving me details about all of it.. AITA?

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

incospicuous_echoes −  Is your mom a full sibling or half, could that be the secret? Or did she owe money and never paid it back? NTA, but there’s a mystery to be solved in this story.

Altruistic_Spirit542 −  NTA your cousin brought it up. You’ve just been given proof that your family doesn’t love you. Your mom especially, sounds like she decided it wasn’t worth getting the one item you wanted vs letting everyone walk all over you. You aren’t worth as much in their eyes. Stop being around them. Go low contact.

k23_k23 −  NTA Your mom was the AH – The likely truth: she pulled a fast one, and got more for herself, while your aunt gave everything to her kids.

Simple_Guava_2628 −  My dad and his siblings did some weird thing where they took turns choosing items after grandma passed. He asked if there was anything I wanted. She had a glass sculpture of an animal I love so I said if it’s not too much to ask….

I still have it many years later prominently displayed. I would much prefer to think that everything everyone else got is being used, displayed etc. than tossed in an attic. I just went over and looked at it, now I have tears.

KrofftSurvivor −  NTA –  Your mother’s lying to you about something. When your Aunt is sober, go ask her what your side of the family received because you think you were lied to and you don’t want your cousin to suffer for that…

endor-pancakes −  NTA, but something fishy is going on. Possibly just your mum being a complete pushover on your behalf and now being embarrassed about it.

Possibly your mum letting your cousin s**ew you over in exchange for getting something other from her aunt. Who knows, but you deserve to know. Start by interrogating your parents when they’re sober

oliviamrow −  NTA. Look, it’s not always true that there’s no harm in asking, but in this instance I cannot fathom what harm you could have done, at least with the information that you had. I agree that there’s something hinky in how stuff got divided, and how incredibly and deeply offended your aunt appears to be by it even having been brought up.

It might be some dramatic secret, something your aunt holds over your mom…or it might just be that your mom is embarrassed that she let her sister walk all over her (and you) so badly, leaving you without even the simplest item that literally only you would’ve cared about.

But that doesn’t explain your aunt’s anger. She clearly feels not only entitled but unquestionably so to the things that came to her and her daughter and it does kind of feel like there’s something in the past that’s being triggered here.

But even if so, none of that is your fault or responsibility and if you don’t know about it you can’t be sensitive about it. If you ever find out I hope you’ll come back with an update. The nosy neighbor in me is curious and speculating away now.

(You mention your grandmother wasn’t affectionate towards her children; maybe there was some kind of big incident between your grandmother and your aunt, and your aunt decided that taking everything she and her daughter wanted from grandma’s valuables was her rightful compensation/revenge, and your mom let it go?

Then her overreaction might be explained– ***not*** justified, mind –as an intrusion against her personal vendetta?) I’m literally just writing fanfic here though, so don’t take me too seriously.

Aware_Welcome_8866 −  NTA for asking. But your cousin doesn’t have to relinquish them, unfortunately.. I ascribe everyone’s reaction
to the petty behavior that often comes with settling an estate.

Everyone has a reason why they deserve more and there are often hard feelings that sometimes don’t go away. I will never forget how my mom complained for years that her sisters took all the family photos when my grandma died.

I’m settling my dad’s estate now, and have had to go LC bc my brother is convinced I’m going to steal his inheritance. My theory is this behavior stems from not getting a need met by the deceased, so the need to get stuff will fulfill that need (it won’t).

Voidfishie −  NTA. Your cousin literally bragged about getting the items you were told you got? That’s so far from okay, you need to talk to your mother about her letting you get the short end of the stick here.

Was OP wrong for asking her cousin for the knitting needles, considering the sentimental value and her continued interest in knitting? Or is the conflict overstepping family boundaries? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!