WIBTA if I returned a birthday gift from my partner for the second year in a row?

A person’s partner, who is very materialistic, keeps gifting expensive but impractical items for birthdays. Last year, it was a Keurig coffee maker that didn’t fit OP’s kitchen setup, which led to returning it. This year, the partner gifted another large coffee maker along with other items like cologne and a hoodie that’s too small.

The partner already hinted they’d be upset if OP returned this gift too. OP doesn’t plan to use the coffee maker and wonders if returning it now while it’s still possible would make them the a**hole. read the original story below…

‘ WIBTA if I returned a birthday gift from my partner for the second year in a row?’

My birthday is around the corner and my partner surprised me with an outing with some close family members at a nice restaurant and then we went back to our house to cap off the evening with drinks, cake, and some gifts.

As I opened up gifts, I had a smorgasboard of things that would be enjoyed – mostly small snacks (candies and jerky) as well as small gift cards for local food places I can run to on the way home on longer workdays instead of worrying about what I’d have to cook when getting home.

All in all, they know me pretty well. The problem arises with my partner and his gift giving. He is VERY materialistic and thinks if the gift is not a big or well known brand then it is not worth having or giving. A few examples over the years:

 One year he got me a coat with a fur lined hood that while it was a nice coat, it was 100% not something I’d ever worn or showed interest in wearing. I’m basically like King Midas’ pigpen cousin – everything I touch gets dirty immediately, hence I tend to buy cheaper things that I do not mind getting worn and torn.

Another year he got me a “Puma” outfit which consisted of mostly white with some black trim shoes that were a bit too tight and a hoodie that was at least one size too small. Had to return and get a bigger size shoe, but they did not have the next size up hoodie for that style which is likely why he got the smaller size at the time.

 Last year he got me a Keurig coffee maker which I had heard good things about but came to realize it was not ideal for me for two reasons: 1) It was much larger than my current coffee maker, and would not easily fit on the counter under the shelves and 2) It would either make a single serving cup via a pod, or an entire pot which felt like a waste when I would basically just have two cups in the morning.

For the Keurig, ended up telling him to return it, but it was already outside of the return window because he had bought it way early and just had it waiting to give so I ended up giving it to his mother instead who had a small coffee business at the time. Thought that was the end of it…. ..Until today.

He got me some nice cologne and a nice hoodie (though too small again) however the main gift he got me was another coffee maker. This time a Ninja brand but almost the exact same footprint as the Keurig where it will not easily fit under the shelf and I’d have to turn it sideways where it is teetering on the sink lip for the plug to reach.

He’s already made the comment about how it was expensive and I better not want to return it like the last one. I feigned excitement since we had other family members over, but after seeing how big it is and it is likely going to be the same issue as the Keurig I have no intention of using it.

I am 100% fine with my $30 Mr. Coffee and do not need one with all the different brewing modes and other bells & whistles. So, WIBTA if I told him I want to return it while its still in the return period?

These are the responses from Reddit users:

twelvedayslate −  Info: does your partner know you, like at all? Does he listen to you? This seems to go beyond gift giving tbh.

GreekAmericanDom −  NTA This requires a much deeper conversation than just your desire to return this gift. It is like your partner wants you to be a completely different person. Are you sure he ctually likes and respects you?

CheskaBrightspark −  NTA Gifts are supposed to be a gesture of love and understanding. If your partner repeatedly misses the mark on something that should be quite personal, it definitely suggests a deeper issue in the communication or understanding department. Two years in a row?

That’s a pattern that needs addressing. Wanting to return a gift doesn’t make you ungrateful; it shows that you value sincerity and thoughtfulness over superficial gestures.

Have that heart to heart talk with your partner, assess your mutual understanding and compatibility. Remember, it’s the thought that counts, and right now, the thought seems a bit misaligned.

MerelyWhelmed1 −  I’m troubled by him continually buying clothes for you that are too small…and also things you obviously won’t like. Does he like you?. NTA

Ok-Writer-9343 −  NTA – it reminds me of a friend where her ex-fiancé constantly bought her stuff she didn’t care for. She realized he was always buying her stuff that the other wives at his office had (think the episode of S** and the City where Big buys Carries that gem purse).

I think gift giving can be hard but these gifts are just strange, trying to force a sense of “fancy” you don’t care about. My husband of 10 years may not be the best gift giver but he has a note list in his phone or at least tries buying things I would like (think a theme like Bridgerton). I hope you can talk this out!

jagerbomb03 −  NTA You sound practical. He sounds materialistic. Nothing wrong with either of these things… when there’s communication involved. And I mean **clear** communication and active listening skills *ahem boyfriend ahem*. It’s y’all against the problem and not him vs. you, ya know?. Edit: formatting

MsWuMing −  Definitely NTA. But what I’m so baffled about is – does this guy not have eyes? From your post it sounds as if you do most of the food sourcing, but still, he lives there too, right? He must know where the plug is in the kitchen.

I’m not even getting into the sizes of the clothes because that just sounds like he half-asses his presents in a “eh, will probably do” kind of way, which lines up with the part where I knew how many cups of coffee my last boyfriend drank within a couple weeks, and he somehow doesn’t consider your coffee habits at all despite you being married.

Here_IGuess −  Wnbta Even if he’s materialistic, it’s a common sense thing to buy the correct size clothes & appliances. I find it highly unlikely that he makes the same poor fit choices (clothing or appliances) when buying expensive items for himself.

I also think it’s unlikely that he’d appreciate getting expensive gifts that don’t work, don’t fit, or he finds aesthetically repulsive enough to shove in the back of a closet. He seems to view you as a prop rather than a person. He doesn’t even care about your feelings or your enjoyment of your bday present.

He cares about his feelings about money and the image he wants to project as the giver. He cares about controlling your response to that projection. There’s a serious problem going on that has nothing to do with crappy gifts.

AubreeyWalker −  NTA. If the gift isn’t practical for you and you’ve communicated your preferences before, it’s reasonable to want to return it it’s your birthday, not his ego boost.

AnonAnontheAnony −  NTA – not every gift is perfect, not every gift is going to be what you want. Sometimes, it just, doesn’t fit. If anything, he’s being a bit pushy by telling you ‘you better not want to return it’.

This is suggesting to me that there is some uncomfortable feelings and annoyance with you retruning the gifts, and a lack of understanding in what makes a good gift.

Is it wrong for OP to prioritize practicality and honesty over keeping a gift to avoid conflict? Should the partner consider OP’s needs better? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!