AITA for wanting to break a family tradition for my own happiness?

A Redditor shared their struggle with feeling trapped in a long-standing family holiday tradition that has become more of a burden than a joy. Despite suggesting changes to make things easier.

Their family insists on keeping things the same, leaving them torn between preserving tradition and prioritizing their own happiness. Read the full story below to weigh in on this heartfelt dilemma.

‘ AITA for wanting to break a family tradition for my own happiness? ‘

I (29F) come from a family with a strong tradition of celebrating holidays in a very specific way. Every year, we gather at my parents’ house for a big family dinner, and it’s expected that everyone participates. The issue is that the tradition, while meaningful for my family, feels like a burden to me.

I’ve always been expected to contribute a large part to the meal prep and planning, and if I try to suggest anything different, I’m met with resistance. Over the past few years, I’ve been feeling increasingly o**rwhelmed by the pressure and the obligation.

I’ve tried to suggest a change, like making the meal more casual or splitting the responsibilities more evenly, but every time I bring it up, I’m told that it’s just the way we’ve always done it, and I’m being disrespectful to the tradition.

I don’t want to disappoint my family, but I also don’t want to keep feeling like I’m stuck in a tradition that doesn’t bring me joy anymore. I’m starting to feel like I need to break away from this routine for my own mental well-being, but I’m scared of how they’ll react. AITA for wanting to break away from this family tradition?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Particular-Town2229 −  Traditions should evolve to fit the needs of everyone, not just one person’s expectations.

Secret_Sister_Sarah −  NTA. You’re perfectly right to want the work to be split evenly among everyone. You didn’t mention genders, but I can’t help but think this is one of those “women do the cooking and cleaning and men do the eating and enjoying” things.

My grandma was like that, and I’m super proud of my uncles, because one year, right after Christmas dinner, one of them stepped up and said to his brothers, “I think it’s our turn to do the clean-up” and they’ve taken care of it every year since. (Guys who don’t are pathetic.)

Giltar −  I recently broke a couple my personal traditions because I found I was doing things only because I was “supposed to.” The OP’s situation is more complicated because it involves multiple people, but when Traditions become burdens it’s time for a change.

shammy_dammy −  NTA. Tell them you’re not going this year.

Puzzleheaded-Pea2509 −  Going against traditions can be hard. I came from a family rich with many traditions, my husband’s family had traditions but they felt like polar opposite to what I knew growing up. A tradition is meant to be special and not a burden or an encumbrance on someone’s mental health.

So to save both our sanity we told our families we weren’t joining them and we made our own. Both families gave us a lot of grief and his side neener really got over it and blamed me. Mine actually thinks our newer traditions were wonderful and sometimes they join us.

Sad to say one of the reasons you’re being called selfish if you want to change things up or not attend is because that means they have to do more work, the workload they d**p on you. It’s your family that’s being selfish and extremely disrespectful to you. Only you can make that boundary known and keep it because no one else will.

Lurkerque −  NTA, but if I were you, I’d start telling instead of asking. The true story is that they don’t want the tradition to change BECAUSE you’re doing all the work.

You:”Hey, this year, I’m going to make a side dish or appetizer instead of the main course. I have a lot going on and really don’t have the time to make the traditional dish.” Them: “but it’s tradition! You have to or you’ll ruin it for everyone.”

You: “someone else can make it this year. If me not bringing the traditional dish and doing all the work, is going to ruin it for everyone, then I don’t have to come. I believe that the most important part of the tradition is being together, but if that’s not important to you, I can go elsewhere for the holidays.”

Reasonable-Crab4291 −  Don’t go. Dont force anything! If they ask tell them they care more about the tradition than the people. If it doesnt bring you joy dont do it!

PlantAndMetal −  “yeah I would also want to show up to a party where someone else arranges most of the food and I barely do anything, sounds like a funt tradition to me. This year I decided from now on I get to keep that tradition alive and someone else can make the food happen instead of me. I trust you can divide tasks among yourselves”.

Shell-Fire −  Plan a trip for this. Tell the family you won it or something. Just avoid the sitch for now. Go somewhere else. Just go.

TnPhnx −  NTA The holiday season can be the most stressful time of the year. Traditions should be comforting and healing, not a burden. Don’t feel guilty for saying no. That’s just the way it is is not an answer.

Is the Reddit user justified in wanting to redefine a family tradition for her own well-being, or should she continue to prioritize the expectations of her loved ones? Have you ever faced a similar challenge with family traditions? Share your thoughts and experiences in the comments below!