AITAH: my family has changed Christmas plans 3 times and I was told to deal with because I don’t have children ?

A woman (OP) and her husband are the only ones in her family who have to travel for Christmas, and the family has changed their Christmas plans three times. OP chose a new date, but today was told the date must change again due to others’ schedules.

When OP called her mom to ask for consistency, her mom yelled at her, saying it shouldn’t matter because OP doesn’t have children. OP felt belittled because of her infertility, a known issue with her family. She asked if she was overreacting and should just accept the changes. read the original story below…

‘ AITAH: my family has changed Christmas plans 3 times and I was told to deal with because I don’t have children ?’

My family has changed plans for Christmas 3 times. We have always had it on Christmas Day for years. My husband and I are the only ones out of my siblings that have to travel a distance from another state. We are not having it on Christmas Day this year because my younger sister is visiting her in-laws.

My mom told me to pick the day we would have our get together with everybody. I chose a day and today I get a message that we need to change it because it doesn’t fit everybody’s schedule. I changed travel plans twice now. I called my mom and asked her to please not change the day again.

My mom started yelling at me saying it should not matter because I don’t have children and my schedule should be flexible. I got upset and told her she was not hearing what I asking and blowing it out of proportion. I don’t have children because of medical issues and my mom knows this.

But I feel like I am being belittled because of it. So am blowing it out of proportion and should I just roll with the flow? UPDATE: Thank to all of you responded and validated my thoughts. To the one person who thought I want the world to revolve around me, you are sadly mistaken.

I go out of my way to accommodate all their crap and have for 40 plus years. I have made plans to spend time with my with my husband and if our plans allow us to make it happen with my family I will.

I love my family but it is time for me to realize that things are never going to change and that their perception of my requests and relationship with them is never going to be what I wish it would be.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

rjhancock −  Your next message to your mother should be “We’ve decided to not attend this year as no one can accomodate each other. We wish you well.”. And leave it at that.

WillLoveCoffee4Ever1 −  NTA but your mother is and a big one! I’m so sorry! That was just a really s**tty thing to say. If I was you, I would have told my mother to take her Christmas get together and cram it way up deep where the sun don’t shine.

I cut off my toxic family long ago and I’ve heard comments like this, so I fully understand. People who don’t have kids shouldn’t be dismissed and people who do have kids, aren’t special, nor should they be treated as such. Shame on your mother.

First thing you should tell her is how hurtful she was to you and then tell her why. If she continues down this toxic path, start rethinking your future plans with your family.

RewardHungry2419 −  You are a person who has been gracious enough to plan your holiday around others. Next time she changes the date, let her know your child-free flexibility doesn’t allow for another holiday change.

gottahavemysay −  NTA …great opportunity to do your own thing – thanks Mum

Adventurous_Couple76 −  Just don’t go. As a matter of fact PLEASE DON’T go!

bino0526 −  NTA. Start your own traditions with your husband. Go on a cruise during the Christmas holiday, and have dinner with close friends. Just because you don’t have kids does not mean you and your husbands time and schedule can change on a dime.

I would decline this year because of the continued changes and the insult about you not having kids. Will it cause whining, of course, but oh well.🤷‍♀️. Do you boo. Have a Merry and Peaceful Christmas 🎄. Updateme

Salmonsg −  Hooyah! U get to have your own Xmas celebration! I mean, it’s nice to have it with the family. But if your family chooses not to put you into the consideration much, then you should do it with your husband and enjoy the time.

In short, you are not the AH. Chill and enjoy the time with your husband. Family matters, but if they cant understand, then no choice.

WeirdcoolWilson −  Make your own Christmas plans and let them make their Christmas plans. Let them know that you’ll be happy to participate in family Christmas next year if they can nail everything down solidly enough for you to commit to travel plans.

Rowana133 −  Yeah, I wouldn’t go. Shoving in your face that you don’t have children when it’s because of a medical condition? That’s just rude and cruel. My advice is either go to your in laws this year(if they are nice) or stay home and do your own thing. NTA

Quiet-Hamster6509 −  ” Due to multiple changes we are no longer able to attend the family Christmas. Take care and we will see you all soon. ” When your mother starts yelling at you again you say ” we aren’t made of money, each change affects our leave and we can no longer change it, but we don’t have children like you said so our presence doesn’t really matter anyway. “

OP’s feelings are valid, especially given the emotional weight of her situation. While flexibility is important, the lack of empathy from her family, particularly her mom, is disappointing. It’s okay to set boundaries and voice her needs, even if others don’t fully understand. What do you think? Share your thoughts below!