AITA for telling my sister if her boyfriend doesn’t start contributing he has to go? ?
A Reddit user is grappling with a challenging situation involving her sister’s boyfriend, who was allowed to move in under the condition that he contributes to rent, bills, and household chores. Since moving in, he hasn’t held up his end of the deal—running up high bills, not cleaning, and relying on her and her sister to cover expenses.
With her sister pregnant and maternity leave approaching, she feels the pressure mounting and recently told her sister that if her boyfriend doesn’t start contributing, he’ll need to leave. Now, she’s wondering: is she being too harsh, or is this a reasonable boundary to set?
‘ AITA for telling my sister if her boyfriend doesn’t start contributing he has to go? ?’
My sister and I have our own house together and she recently became pregnant. Her boyfriend had nowhere to go and was going to have to move to a very far town which would cause conflict for her because she wouldn’t have help with the baby, a ride to work, or a ride to her appointments.
When we discussed it I told him as long as he helps split the rent between us, helps keep the house clean and helps us pay the bills which is only water, gas and WiFi that he could stay. The whole time he’s been here “he’s looked for a job” but he “can’t find anything” so we’ve been paying the rent and bills without him contributing.
I bought $800 worth of food and it’s almost gone, I work 16 hour shifts and I’m barely home so I know it’s him that’s constantly in the kitchen. Our water bill is $600 because he takes 30 minute showers and has a “whole routine” he has to follow.
He doesn’t help clean unless we ask him, and even then my sister does everything for him because he “doesn’t know how”. I often clean by myself because they both don’t help clean like they should but mainly him. I told her countless times to talk to him about helping with bills and cleaning but not much has changed, I don’t even think she’s making it seem like it’s urgent.
I was being understanding and sympathetic at first but now I’m becoming annoyed and regretful. She’s going on maternity leave in March so I know if he doesn’t get a job by then I’ll be stuck paying everything by myself until her disability kicks in, and I’ll be stuck cleaning everything because she’ll be recovering from childbirth and won’t be able to help. So AITA?
Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:
pottersquash − NTA. Make moves. If you think you are being selfishl/unsupportive, good you are probably on right track. Do not let these 2 adults bring in a baby thinking they can just roft about. They got 3 months to learn to be adults let alone parents.
Baby can go without a parent for a lil bit, baby has to have adults though. Do not become that adult without a fight! One of my best friends raised her niece and while its all love the ONE sore spot she has is how her sister stuck that on her.
SomeoneYouDontKnow70 − NTA. Your sister got herself pregnant by someone who was clearly not ready to be a dad. If she wants to play house with a baby and someone who behaves like a grown baby, then she’s free to do that, but she shouldn’t be dragging you into that.
imf4rds − This man has invaded your space and eaten food and your money. You are under reacting. Kick him out. How do people have babies with useless dodos! NTA
DisasterDull9985 − absolutely not you’re not his mom he has a freaking baby on the way and he’s acting like a 13 year old kid
Tdluxon − NTA. You need to deal with this ASAP because if he is still living there when the baby is born, he’ll be there forever. No way she’s going to make him move out while she has a newborn, she’ll want him there for help and support.
I think rather than telling her that he has to move out, a better approach might be telling her you are moving out yourself. As long as you are still at that house they will be making excuses and delaying… if you are the one moving out, they can’t really stop you and as soon as you move your done with him.
Spare_Ad5009 − Be direct in the moment: “Please wash the toilet and sink while I clean the counter,” etc. He’ll gradually learn what’s expected. “You do the dishes while I sweep the floor and take out the trash.”
Don’t buy food for the house. Eat out or keep it in your trunk until they catch on. Ask to see his resume “to help him out.” Tell your sister to look online for him. If in a year, you are supporting them both, sell the house and buy a one-bedroom condo.
Apart-Ad-6518 − NTA. Tell him to shape up or ship out. Give him a deadline. He’s a freeloader who’s weaponized his incompetence. He’s behaving like an adolescent not someone who’s going to be a father. You work hard enough as it is. You’re cleaning up after them as well.
I was being understanding and sympathetic at first but now I’m becoming annoyed and regretful. Rightly so. You can continue to support your sister if you choose but no way should you continue to support him.
3M-OBA − Let them know you’re finding your own place once the lease is up. Get a studio for a year- if you don’t do this you’ll be supporting them and babysitting indefinitely.
concretism − It’s time to redirect your focus to your sister. It’s not about the boyfriend. It’s not about a clean toilet. She will not be able to pay rent or bills in March. She is making no changes and is not acknowledging her choices will very quickly lead to you being financially and physically responsible for three other people.
You have to acknowledge this out loud, and unlike her, make active choices. You need to decide if you want to fully support her brand new family all on your own or find a new place. NTA
[Reddit User] − You are in a position of power; that is, you can go ahead and tell your sister her boyfriend has to contribute, or he is out, but if that does not work, tell you sister YOU are going to move out, and ask her how she is going to support herself, her boyfriend, and a baby.. NTA.
Do you think it’s fair to set a deadline for the boyfriend to contribute, given the circumstances? Should the sister step up and enforce the rules for the sake of their household harmony? How would you handle this situation? Share your thoughts below!