AITA for leaving the room because my boyfriend and my bestfriend were speaking in a different language?

A 20-year-old woman (20F) planned to meet up with her best friend (also 20F) after classes, informing her boyfriend (21M) beforehand. When the best friend arrived, she started speaking in her native language with the boyfriend, which the woman couldn’t understand.

Despite making a light-hearted comment asking for subtitles, they continued their conversation for 15 minutes, leaving her feeling excluded. Frustrated, she stepped outside, and later, her mood affected the hangout. She wonders if she overreacted or if she was justified in feeling left out. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for leaving the room because my boyfriend and my bestfriend were speaking in a different language ?’

My(20F) best friend(also 20F) came to visit me at college after a few weeks since we hadn’t seen each other in a while. She had made plans for us to meet up and go out after classes, and I was looking forward to it. I even told my boyfriend (21M) in advance that I’d be hanging out with her, and he was cool with it too.

Both of them come from a place where they have a common language. When she arrived, she met me and my boyfriend in the corridor and immediately mentioned how we’d be late if we didn’t leave right away.

I was ready to go then and there, but instead, she started talking to my boyfriend in their native language, which I don’t understand. I had no idea what they were talking about, though I did hear my name come up in their conversation.

They didn’t make any effort to include me or check if I was comfortable with them speaking a language I couldn’t follow. I even made a light-hearted comment, saying, “Guys, I really need subtitles right now,” but they ignored me and kept talking.

I just stood there awkwardly for about 15 minutes while they chatted, even though she had initially said we needed to leave quickly. I started feeling frustrated and unwelcome, so I left the area without a word and stepped outside the building to give them their space.

Later they picked up on my upset mood and started tiptoeing around me and I couldn’t enjoy hanging out with my bestfriend later at all. I was upset because it felt like I wasn’t needed there, and they didn’t seem to care about including me but now I’m wondering if I made a big deal about an insignificant issue. Am I the a-hole?

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

RachSlixi −  NTA. They were rude. When present in a group, you speak the language everyone understands. This isn’t the same as “someone in my vicinity who had nothing to do with me was speaking another language and I couldn’t eavesdrop”. You were a group and they intentionally excluded you even after you made them aware.. Of course you are going to react

DogsReadingBooks −  NTA. I understand that it can be easy to start talking in their native language. I’ve myself been in that situation. But it’s important to remember when there are other people there who doesn’t know the language. Then they should stop and speak so everyone can understand. **Especially** after you’ve let them know.

Bold-Belle2 −  NTA. They blatantly ignored you. Speaking in another language in itself is a bit rude considering you were right there too.

kurokomainu −  NTA talking in front of you for 15 minutes, sometimes *about* you, and even ignoring you, was just plain rude.

1MrMr −  Find a new BF and GF. Theses two s**k at being them.

AdSome1924 −  NTA. You Best friend made plans with you, excluding someone from a conversation its not cool not only because she was supposed to be hanging out with you, but specially because they were talking ABOUT you. That type of behavior from both boyfriend and best friend? I would have left too.

You were not comfortable and they even ignored your joke, which was a very straight signal that you gave them, so leaving the situation was not a bad decision. If you are uncomfortable in a situation you should NOT stay in that situation (unless you really can’t leave).

You did not overreact, you understand what you felt, they didnt. I also dont get all the hurry she had and then she wasnt worried about getting late anymore? Priorities changed I would say.

kimba-the-tabby-lion −  If I found that one my friends was having private chats with my boyfriend (and they weren’t old friends already), I would find it off putting. eg they were having extended phone calls or long text chains I wasn’t involved in.

There could be reasons (they both like football and I didn’t etc), but I would expect to know the reason. Anyway, they were doing this in front of you. So that’s both off-putting and rude.. NTA

HerDanishDaddyDom −  NTA As a person who has a partner who doesn’t understand my native language, when we are around my family we always speak English to include them.

To the point that my step father, whose English isn’t the greatest, does his absolute best to communicate so they can understand. If he can’t get his point across in English he will say it in Danish and then we will immediately translate.. Not including you is f**king rude.

depravedQ −  NTA. I can kinda relate to this situation, I have friends whose first languages I don’t speak and I can’t understand them when they talk to each other in their language.

That said, they’ve never had long conversations in their language while they’re hanging out with me or any of my other friends who don’t speak it, just a few brief remarks here and there, and they’d often translate what they said to avoid any misunderstandings, like “Oh, I was just telling him so and so…”,

so I’ve never felt excluded or slighted by them speaking in a different language around me every now and then. That said, if they were to have a fifteen minute conversation in their language while I was hanging out with them, I’d definitely feel really awkward and like I was being excluded.

I think the best way to handle this situation is to just be honest and direct, simply tell them how it made you feel excluded from the conversation.

kilbano −  YTA but only to yourself. Why did you allow that to happen? As soon as you heard your name you should have spoken up and asked them to speak English.

What do you think? Share your thoughts below!