My Mom Wants Me To Forgive Cheating Husband Because We Just Got Married

A Redditor recently discovered that her husband fathered a child while they were dating, and she is devastated. Despite feeling betrayed and wanting to end the marriage, her mother insists that she forgive him, citing their recent marriage and the importance of family reputation.

The Redditor feels trapped by her family’s conservative beliefs and their fear of the community’s judgment. She’s struggling to reconcile her own feelings with the pressure from her mother to stay in the marriage for the sake of appearances. Read the full story below:

‘ My Mom Wants Me To Forgive Cheating Husband Because We Just Got Married’

I’ve been married for four months, and my world has been turned upside down.

To provide some context: I come from a conservative, non-Western religious community where divorce is frowned upon, and family reputation is everything.

My husband and I have been together for years, and when I was going through his phone recently, I discovered something that shook me to my core: while we were dating, he fathered a child with someone else. He never told me. The betrayal is unbearable. I can’t even begin to describe the pain I’m feeling. Naturally, I want to end the marriage, but the lack of support from my own mother is something I never expected.

Instead of validating my feelings, she’s been telling me, “If he’s truly remorseful and promises not to do it again, you should forgive him.” She keeps saying things like, “You’ve just gotten married. You can’t throw everything away so soon.” But the truth is, had I known about this betrayal before our wedding, I would never have married him. It’s that simple.

I’ve tried to explain to my mom that forgiveness is not something I’m willing to offer right now, and that just because we all make mistakes doesn’t mean I have to accept the consequences of someone else’s mistakes. But she insists that I should think about how new this marriage is, as though that somehow diminishes the weight of the betrayal.

I know that, deep down, my mom is scared of what our community will think. She’s worried about the gossiping aunties and the shame it will bring to our family. She’s also concerned about me, thinking that at almost thirty, a divorce will make me “unmarriageable” in the eyes of others.

It’s hard to see eye to eye with her, and I feel so stuck between wanting to honor my own feelings and wanting to keep peace with my family. I know she’s coming from a place of love and concern, but it doesn’t feel like she understands what I’m going through.

I feel like I have to fight so hard to advocate for myself, and sometimes, I just feel exhausted. I love my family, but I can’t stand some of the beliefs that come with the community I was raised in. It’s heartbreaking that instead of supporting me in standing up for my own self-respect, my mom is more concerned about how it looks to others.

I just needed to vent. It’s hard when your own family doesn’t seem to have your back in a time like this.

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

No-Cover-8986 −  I’m familiar with that kinda culture. It’s toxic and would prefer to eat itself than lose face. You have a choice. You can drop the b**tard.

Wait-What1327 −  Well, the good thing is, you are an adult and can make your own decisions. You should divorce him. It’s disgusting that your mother would rather you stay with a disrespectful, lying c**ater so she can save face to the aunties.

Ignore her and that so-called religious community and get an attorney. File for divorce. Don’t waste another minute of your life with someone who would betray you and lie to your face for years.

REES_SPEAKS −  Leave now, before you’re trapped and have children. There might still be time to get the marriage annulled.

tripperfunster −  Cheating and a not a ‘mistake’. It is a series of choices, sneaking around and lying. He didn’t even use a condom! He put your health at risk.

Your mom will recover. If YOU had a daughter in this situation, what would you tell her to do? Now do that.

ExtinctFauna −  “He’ll promise not to do it again,” but there is a child born, yes? That child is around? And the guy *isn’t* contributing child support at minimum?

Additional_Way1346 −  Tell your mom people will always talk. But unless they pay her bills it doesn’t matter. If she wants to keep you in her life and meet your baby, she will back you up. Nothing worse than a mother who is all about appearances .

Existing-Victory7097 −  Get out now, and get out before you have kids.

westcoast-islandgirl −  If your mother is too religious to agree to divorce, just tell her you’ll end the marriage with m**der instead. The Bible may frown upon divorce, but it also says a person who commits the sin of a**ltery shall be put to d**th.

MyUsernameIsMehh −  Divorce him immeditely and limit contact with your mother until she grows a few functioning braincells and apologizes to you.

Dear_Parsnip_6802 −  You don’t need your mums permission to divorce your lying, cheating husband.

Do you think the Redditor should try to forgive her husband and stay in the marriage, or is her desire to end things justified? Let us know your thoughts in the comments below!