AITA for refusing to take my teen driving?

A 56-year-old single mom, who works a physically demanding job, had a disagreement with her 17-year-old daughter about driving practice. The mom set a clear condition: her daughter needed to be ready to leave as soon as she got home.

Despite reminders, the daughter, who is on the spectrum and struggles with time management, got distracted on a treadmill and then decided to shower, delaying their plans. The mom, exhausted from work, refused to wait and canceled the practice, leading to her daughter calling her unreasonable. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to take my teen driving?’

Simple argument between me (56f) and my daughter (17f). My daughter has her learner’s permit. She wants me to take her to practice driving. I agreed. But I warned her very clearly upfront… be ready to walk out the door when I get home. Because if I walk in the house and sit down? We are not going.

Background: I’m a single working mom. I clean houses for a living. Obviously, it’s physically demanding. I’m exhausted when I come home most days. Once I finally sit down at the end of the day? I do not want to get back up. She has an incredibly bad habit of being late/making me wait. She is on the spectrum.

She struggles with time management. I refuse to let her use that as an excuse. I try to teach her ways to get around it. Start getting ready earlier, set alarms, etc. I even help her with reminders. The one thing I will not do is enable her.

She needs to learn to respect other people’s time instead of saying “oh well, it’s my ASD.” Currently: I worked an especially hard day yesterday. I was still willing to take her driving when I got home. I texted her I was omw. She asked how long? 45 minutes. I texted her when I was about 5 minutes away. Be ready.

Here is where it went to hell. Apparently, she decided to get on the treadmill for 45 minutes. Lost track of time. She wanted to shower before we went. I told her no. Be ready when I get there. She got in the shower anyway. I walked in while she was still showering.

Which means I’d have to sit and wait while she finished showering and got dressed. I refused. Once my ass sat down… I wasn’t getting back up. I was crystal clear about that. She now thinks I’m an unreasonable a**hole.

I’m not a complete hardass. I understand her challenges. If it was a one-off thing? I’d be more lenient. But this is chronic. And disrespectful of others. Was I an a**hole for not taking her anyway?

See what others had to share with OP:

piqueboo369 −  NTA. Youset clear boundaries and you’re allowed to do so. I have ADHD and offcourse I have issues with different things, but that doesn’t mean everyone around me just have to take the consequences.

Having a diagnosis might be an explanation for sertain things, meaning people shouldn’t yell at you and say s**t like “you just don’t want it enough”, but it doesn’t mean people can’t set boundaries or make demands if they’re doing something for you.

1indaT −  NTA. You were crystal clear with your expectations. You are not being mean. You are being a good parent. Your actions now will help her become a responsible adult.

TipsyBaker_ −  NTA. This isn’t a time management issue, this is her being self centered. She made 2 bad decisions to do what she felt like doing, completely ignoring what she was told simply because it didn’t suit her. Choices have consequences.

FreeTheHippo −  NTA You said: Be ready when I get home. If I sit down, we’re not going. You did NOT say: Be ready when I get home. If I sit down, we’re not going EVER. You’ll never learn to drive. Enjoy walking. This was ONE DAY. Tomorrow is a new day with a new opportunity to be ready to go when you get home. Personally, I think you’re doing great.

MistressLyda −  NTA An ex of mine was (and potentially still is) similar with time. I really, really wish that it had been focused more on when she was younger. I wish it was not the case, but it is part of why she is an ex of mine. Most of the reason was distance, but yeah. That strain did not help.

Two cents that might work, take it or leave it: It is likely she has no internal clock. That is fair. You are doing everything you can to help nudging her. Next step might be to point her towards external time teller tools. Does she like music? If so, tell her to make music lists.

One with songs that adds up at 15 min, one for 30, one for 45, and so on. I worked with peculiar teens for quite some years, and that was the main trick we used to get them going in the mornings. After a while, they would get it in the mind that ok, when song A played, it was time to eat breakfast,

song B was going, shower, song C, brushing teeth, song D, put on shoes, and then there is THE FINAAAAAAAAL COUNT DOWN, NOW WE RUSH TO PUT ON BACKPACK AND RUN FOR THE BUS GUYS!!! 😂

Woden2521 −  No. The expectations were clear and she chose to ignore them. Sit down and rest. She should’ve been ready.

sheuenej −  NTA, but go easy on your daughter. I have very fond memories of learning how to drive with my mom 🙂 it is definitely good you are showing her the importance of time management. Just make sure you talk to her, and let her know that this has been a chronic issue, and you are more than happy to take her driving another day when she is on time.

Forward_Fox12 −  Nta. She needs to learn to live with her disability not weaponize it or use it as a crutch the rest of her life. You’re just showing her the world isn’t going to cater to her needs so she needs to.

Difficult_Ad1474 −  NTA but it sounds like your daughter is at the point of needing professional help in learning time management skills.

Deep-Ad-5571 −  No. FAFO. Learning about consequences.

While the mother is firm about teaching respect for time, others might feel she could have been more flexible given her daughter’s challenges. Was the mom justified in sticking to her rule, or could she have handled it differently? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!