AITA for insisting my brother and SIL will be parents of the groom at mine and my fiancée’s wedding?

A Reddit user shares a dilemma about insisting his brother and sister-in-law be listed as the parents of the groom at his upcoming wedding. He was raised by them after his biological parents were absent, and he considers them his true parents. His fiancée’s relatives have criticized this decision, arguing it will look strange or inappropriate for the wedding, given the age difference.

Despite this pressure, the user stands by his choice, feeling it’s important to honor the family bond. His fiancée supports him, but the situation is causing tension with her relatives. To read the full story, check out the original post below…

‘ AITA for insisting my brother and SIL will be parents of the groom at mine and my fiancée’s wedding?’

I (26m) was raised by my brother and SIL. My brother’s 14 years older than me and he and SIL met in high school and started dating. He was already bringing me up because our parents did not want to parent again. They weren’t great to my brother but kept him alive at least. Without my brother that wouldn’t be true for me and I was dumped into his arms the day I was born and they told him to figure it out.

When he moved out I moved with them and SILs parents became my grandparents. We lived as a family from that point on. I call them mom and dad even though they never adopted me. Their kids together are my siblings and we were raised as siblings with me as big bro. They were there for everything and even helped me get into college.

I met my fiancée in college and she knows my family history and so do her family. This was never a problem before wedding planning began and some of her relatives, and she has stood up to them when it comes to this, have complained about my parents being listed as such instead of being brother and SIL of the groom.

They say it already sounds weird that I call people who look only a few years older than me mom and dad. But for the wedding it will look awful and like we’re wild people to be calling people who could pass for just 10 years older being listed as parents of the groom.

My fiancée said it’s not those relatives decision and to respect ours or they won’t be at the wedding. They said I should realize or someone in my family should realize how trashy it will look to people and how my brother and SIL will look to others.

And for those who ask my family knows how my parents and siblings and grandparents will be listed. I won’t say they were demanding it but it was expected since I call them mom and dad.. AITA?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

AcanthocephalaOne285 −  NTA. Whoever is creating because of this can get over themselves. How dare they demand you demean your bro & SIL’s efforts raising you all for their special fee fees. They’re the only parents you have ever known, and they deserve that recognition. I can’t imagine the hurt they’d all feel to have that erased on your special day.

No-BS4me −  Your wedding, your family, your choice. Everyone else needs to sit down and be quiet. Those worried about “how trashy it will look to people” can stay home, so they needn’t be em-bare-assed. You and your fiancee don’t need or want people like that in your lives. You’re NTA — but judgemental people are.

BeMandalorTomad −  NTA. The only ‘trashy’ things here are these opinions, and how your parents treated you. Your brother and SIL took on a parenting role and you honoured them with the title. There is *nothing* to look down upon here. Your partner is a treasure for standing with you on this.

Ok-Coconut824 −  NTA. Your brother & SIL and her family sounds amazing for stepping in to raise you. Who wants judgy people like that at their wedding? It’s meant to be a day of celebration with the people who love and support you both. Maybe it’s time to reassess the guest list. Glad to hear your fiancé is standing up for you (as she should). Don’t give in to other people’s demands. 

Got_The_Wiggins −  NTA and kudos to your fiance for supporting you. If you’re at all worried about it, even on the smallest level, plan a toast to your parents – thanking them for all they’ve done in stepping into that role should clear up any confusion to attendees who don’t know the full story. But, if it were me, I really wouldn’t worry about those attendees anyway.

VegetableBusiness897 −  ‘Trashy’. Hey glass house….. You know families exist in all kinds of forms don’t you? At least mine is loving and inclusive and kind. We don’t need your kinda trash in our family. Keep the ring hun, we deserve better.

pralinen91 −  NTA. It’s your wedding and if your brother and SIL has been raising you then they are your parents and deserves that title. S**ew what other people thinks about it or comments. It’s you and your fiancées wedding, make sure you both make it your day and how YOU want it with roles etc.

It’s NOT trashy for your brother to have the title parent since he raised you, it’s a medal and he’s a hero and should be treated as such since if he had wanted to, he could have just left you but he didn’t. And your SIL is the same and deserves the same!

RaymondBeaumont −  Are you asking if you are an a**hole for honouring the people who raised you instead of thinking about some random relatives of your fiancée?

Ok_Routine9099 −  NTA. Fiancée’s family called your family trashy. Your family is beautiful and what people should strive towards. Your fiancée’s family that are pedaling this nonsense need to either. Understand that they are being trashy and all families look different. And they need to apologize. A lot. Or… they deserve to be minimized from your life. If they’re the party paying for the wedding, consider going smaller and not having them pay.

deathboyuk −  Anyone who called you de facto parents ‘trashy’ gets uninvited, I’d say. As does literally anyone who has a problem with them. There certainly is some trash here, but it’s not the two lovely people who raised you.. NTA.