AITA for how I handled my ex cheating?
A 29-year-old man discovered his fiancée had been cheating on him with a new guy in her grad school program. After confronting the situation, he decided to break up with her while she was away for Thanksgiving. He moved her belongings to the apartment, wrote her a detailed letter about the cheating,
and paid his share of the rent for December, but made it clear she was responsible for other arrangements. Upon her return, she tried to contact him multiple times and even showed up at his house, but he refused to speak with her or provide any further assistance.
Some of his friends think he’s being harsh, especially as she’s left with no place to stay and an overdrawn bank account. read the original story below…
‘ AITA for how I handled my ex cheating? ‘
I (29M) was engaged to my ex (26F). She is in grad school working on a Masters. We had a shared apartment, but in June, I got a great job about two hours away from her school in my hometown. I have since bought a house and she was supposed to move in at the beginning of January.
The lease in the apartment we used to share ends at the end of this month. In September, I started to notice her being distant with me. I thought nothing of it. There was a new guy in the program she started mentioning, I thought nothing of it.
Well, a couple of weeks before Thanksgiving I got pretty irrefutable proof she was cheating with this guy. I was more angry than I can put into words. Originally, she was planning on coming to see me the weekend before Thanksgiving before she went home for the week.
I made up some excuses for why she couldn’t come, so I did not see her. While she was gone for Thanksgiving, I took what stuff I had of hers at the house, and took it to the apartment. I wrote a detailed letter about the cheating, how I felt, and letting her know I was breaking up with her.
I also wrote her a check for my part of the rent for December, but told her she needs to make arrangements for the other things. I paid her car insurance, health insurance, and cell phone each month. I also went about changing passwords, locks, passcodes, etc.,
so she could not access anything of mine. She got back to the apartment on November 30th and saw the letter. She lost it. She called repeatedly, I did not answer. In the early morning hours of December 1st, she showed up to the house trying to get in, she couldn’t. My friends started calling me.
I told them I was fine, but that I would not see or speak to her under any circumstances. I told them to ask her to leave. Eventually she did. I still have not spoken to her and don’t plan to ever. Some of my friends are saying I am an AH.
Apparently her account is overdrawn because I usually put money in her account at the beginning of the month to cover her bills, but since I didn’t, money came out and caused her to have a negative balance. She has absolutely nowhere to stay once the lease ends at the end of the month.
And she just wants to talk to me for closure. I refuse. They ask if I could at least give her some money to get her account balance back up, but I refuse.. AITA?
Here’s what Redditors had to say:
Vexxmaddox − F**k her. She should get her new college boy toy to pay for it. Oh, he can’t afford it??? Shoulda thought about that. Stupid ass
Helpful-Tell-43 − She had her closure when she cheated.
Voobie1234 − NTA Thankfully you found this out before you got married. She says she wants to see you for closure but I think she just wants to give you the waterworks so you feel sorry for her and then she would tell you that the affair meant nothing.
She’s just sorry that she can’t have her cake and eat it anymore. I’m glad you said no and I think you did the right thing and it’s not your problem to worry about her and her bills anymore. Just block her and move on and live your best life. If your friends are so worried about her then they can give her money to bring her account balance back. Good luck OP.
throwitaway3857 − NTA. You already did more than enough paying anything other than the rent. Tell your friends to pay for her if they’re that upset or they can tell her to get her cheating partner to pay for her. She’s a grown ass adult.
JoeLefty500 − You need better friends. Maybe they can give some money. Suggest it.
AnonThrowAway072023 − NTA. AT ALL she can hit up her new guy to be her new sugar daddy. Bc sure sounds like that was your roll in her life. Or tell the d**bass friends giving you a hard time they can take care of her.
Be strong King. You got your closure in the letter. You owe her nothing, no face 2 face closure, not a penny. Live your best life Bro, that’s the world’s best revenge
Aj_Nova0501 − NTA I can’t believe your friends are more concerned about her than you, wtf! You handled this situation very well and I hope you’re okay.
LincolnHawkHauling − NTA. She made her bed and now she has to lye in it. (Her bed is a cardboard box) I’ll never understand the c**ater mindset: “here is this great guy who my life would literally fall apart without…let’s cheat on him!”
Closure is made up Hollywood b**lshit and only benefits the c**ater. Handled this perfectly. How did you find out? Tell your friends she can stay with the new guy
tigerofjiangdong1337 − NTA she cheated on you. You owe her nothing. Guess she will have to pay her own way instead of getting a free ride. She wants to talk to you because she wants money. Maybe lover boy will help her. Anyone who says your the ah is not your friend and can volunteer to give her money.
DangerDog619 − NTA This, children, is why you don’t become your girlfriend’s college scholarship. Let her live that starving student lifestyle. She coveted your lifestyle, your income, and your pay raises. You subsidized her existence. In effect, you paid her to f**k that other guy.
The man is hurt by the betrayal and has set clear boundaries after discovering his fiancée’s infidelity. While his actions might seem extreme to some, it’s understandable that he wants to protect himself and move on.
The situation is tough, but it’s important to respect his decision to not provide further assistance, especially given the circumstances. Does he owe her more help, or is he justified in maintaining his distance? What are your thoughts? Share them below!