Aita for Refusing to take care of MIL?
A Reddit user shares their story of being the primary caregiver for their in-laws for two years. Despite handling multiple responsibilities, including their children and maintaining the household, they’ve been stressed and overwhelmed due to their in-laws’ financial burden and lack of support from their siblings.
After a personal breakdown, the user’s mother-in-law questioned their loyalty, suggesting they might be having an affair, which led to the user deciding to stop taking care of her. The Redditor is now wondering if refusing to continue caregiving makes them the bad person. To read the full story, check out the original post below…
‘ Aita for Refusing to take care of MIL?’
I (36f) have been a caregiver to my inlaws for the last 2 years. They acquired lots of debt from their 3 other children.(Husband and I don’t have any and never ask for things. His siblings were given cars, his parents took out 2 reverse mortgages on his older siblings, maxed credit cards and still have 14k in debt). I have been under a lot of stress taking my inlaws to appointments,ft caregiving, kids to school, house, grounds maintenance etc.
I normally get up at 3am to start the day. Recently, I finally snapped(I was just tired and needed a break. My husbands siblings have not helped with his parents at all) and my husband responded that day with “Why are you always so angry?” I had stopped washing the dishes.
My MIL was in ear shot of this. I got up, got dressed, gave my kiddos a kiss each. Told them I loved them and drove over to my friends house for a good cry out of frustration. She let me in allowed me to take the time to decompress and I went home .
A few weeks later my husband came up to me and said his mother asked him when I left,” You don’t think she’s having an affair? Do you?”.
This took me completely off guard. Here I am sacrificing my time to care for her and her husband, and that’s the first thing that crosses her mind? Not the lack of support from her kids but that! I told my husband that I refused to help her and would no longer be her caregiver. The one thing I’ve never wavered on is my stance on being faithful. So, WIBTA, in refusing to take care of my MIL after this?
RangeMoney2012 − NTA. **You are no one’s servant.** You need to stop, talk to your husband and say your stopping giving care to **his** parents.
Turmeric_Ping − NTA. Let you husband and his family take care of them.
teresajs − NTA. Stop. These aren’t even your parents. If your husband and his siblings want their parents to have care, your husband and his siblings can either give that care themselves or find care. Tell your husband and his parents that you’re done being the caregiver and they have to figure out something else.
Alternative_Talk3324 − NTA you’re going to burn out. Let your husband take care of her and rally up. His siblings. You’re a saint for what you’ve done already. It’s time to step back.
Successful_Way_3239 − Sounds like your mil is a manipulator and is actually trying to build problems between you and her son. This is a slippery slope and is going to require very open communication with you and your spouse. The in-laws made need to get out of the house.
HollieMirth − Nah, NTA at all. You’re basically running a whole marathon every day while your husband’s siblings are chilling like they’re on vacation. And MIL really hit you with the “is she having an affair?” instead of, idk, a thank you? The audacity is strong in that one.
It’s not on you to keep breaking your back for people who can’t respect what you’ve done for them. Time for the other kids to step up. If they’re big enough to rack up debt, they’re big enough to take a shift.
FinanceAfter4940 − You’re not the a**hole in any way. You can do whatever you want to do. I didn’t read anything about your husband not understanding you and that’s something I really like.
JangaGully2424 − Just stop and think, would your husband help take care of YOUR mother like this? Let him and his siblings step up or hire someone! SMFH.
DinosaurDomination − If your MIL needs a caregiver then your husband, her son, can do it or she can hire help or she can go into a home. It’s not your responsibility at all.. NTA.
Con4America − NTA. They need to go to assisted living NOW!
Do you think the Reddit user’s decision to step back from caregiving was justified, given the lack of support and the emotional toll? Or was her response too harsh considering the family dynamic? How would you handle such a challenging situation? Share your thoughts and opinions in the comments below!