AITH for kicking my fiancé out after “joking” he got me pregnant on purpose?

A Reddit user (23F) is conflicted after overhearing her fiancé (26M) drunkenly joke that he “got her pregnant on purpose” to tie her down before she realized what a “dickhead” he was. While initially dismissing the comment, she became upset when he brushed it off as a joke. This led to her asking him to leave the house.

He later apologized, but his actions and her feelings are causing her to reconsider their relationship. Is the Reddit user overreacting, or was her fiancé’s comment a red flag? Read the original story below for more details.

‘ AITH for kicking my fiancé out after “joking” he got me pregnant on purpose?’

I (23f) made a post a couple days ago on here talking about a joke my fiancé made at thanksgiving which concerned me. That post got taken down (locked). This is a repost/ update.

I (23f) have been with my fiancé (26m) for 3 years, we met whilst I was on holiday and a few weeks after, he followed me on instagram and the rest is history. We got engaged last year and a month later found out I was pregnant. We have a beautiful 6 month old.

We hosted Thanksgiving this year and my fiancé was drinking quite heavily and after dinner me and my mom were talking about the wedding, which my parents are paying for, I over heard my fiancé tell my brother who was just as drunk as him that “he needed to tie me down and get me pregnant before I realised what a d**khead he was” they laughed it off but it rubbed me the wrong way because our baby was not planned, i wasn’t ready for a child and we were using condoms but after a few instances where the condom broke i decided it would be safer if I got on birth control.

The first month on bc I got pregnant, we were told that could happen and he said he would pull out to be safe but I still got pregnant. I was scared asf but I personally didn’t want to get an a**rtion (I 100% believe in the right to get an a**rtion I just didn’t want one) and so decided to keep the baby.

I work for my dad’s company and my fiancé works at a country club money wasn’t necessarily why i didn’t want a baby I just wanted to do more before I started a family. I spoke to my fiancé about what he said and at first he said he didn’t remember saying it which was believable because of how drunk he was but then he said it was just a joke and it was meant as a compliment because I’m so amazing.

So I said ok good because we’re getting a prenup- I was just joking but I was also wanted to see how he reacted and he was pissed! He said why the f**k would he sign a prenup that we have a baby together, a house together and that he would not sign one, how we wouldn’t need one because we’re never separating and that me mentioning a prenup is insulting and emasculating. I never felt threatened or anything like that but he did make me uncomfortable and he woke our baby up so I told him to leave which he did.

The day after I kicked my him out he sent me a long apologetic message about how it was out of character of him to get loud which it was he’s never acted like that before and I replied saying I appreciate the apology but I still just need a day or two to think everything through.

The next day he sent a bouquet to the apartment, Sunday he sent me a booking confirmation of a massage he booked for me at the club and offered to come over to watch our son and cook dinner. Tonight he’s sent me a message saying that I’m being an a-hole and that I’m taking a meaningless joke to heart and that he’s wasting money he could be saving for the wedding on the hotel. But now things that went over my head before, I’m starting to think is sus but breaking up my family over this doesn’t seem right. Am i over thinking this/ being an a-hole?

UPDATE: A lot of people were asking for context, when I said I wanted a prenup at the time i wasn’t being serious maybe I was being an ah trying to get a reaction but based on the 3yrs we’ve been together I would’ve never imagined he’d react the way he did.

Why did the joke bother me so much, about a yr ago he lost his job. He was never really clear why, for the next 3/4 months he didn’t really do much he said he’s was trying to figure out what he wanted to do next and that was the first time he brought up having kids indicating that he was ready, we had a candid conversation on my part about how I want kids just not anytime soon, I enjoy my job, I had trips planned and i wanted to be married first he agreed with me that we should wait 3/4 years.

My dads company got a contract at the club which is how he got his job there, but during the time he was out of work my girls would joke that he’s a stay at home boyfriend and that I’m the provider and he’d be a stay at home dad because I was paying the bills/ rent by myself which at the time didn’t bother me I used to live there by myself before we got together so it wasn’t a big deal but I guess it was them that first made me question.

Tbh I don’t know how long the condoms were breaking a lot of people are saying they’ve never had them break and I can’t say I remember it ever happening before. I noticed the first time that it looked like it had split and then i checked it the next time that was also broken which is when i decided to get an iud.

Which he didn’t want me to, but I stood my ground and we compromised and i got on the pill. I know we should of continued using condoms but he said he’d ran out and that I’m on the pill and don’t need them, In hindsight yes I should have insisted we still used them but I choose not to have that battle, I thought we’d be ok.

He knew my opinion on a**rtion and that I wouldn’t get one, if I got pregnant I would raise the baby unless it was for a medical reason. Money wise my family’s successful. I work for my dad’s company I have 2 trust funds one of which I got at 18. Before I fell pregnant I was making plans to start my own house flipping business but I decided to put that on hold.

I still work from home on flexible hours but he’s said once we’re married he wants me to stop working so I can focus on our kids and that he’ll support us but I’ve never really liked that idea mainly because, although I’ve never had to worry about money my parents always taught us the importance of financial stability and my moms always said to never be financially dependent on anyone.

Plus my fiancés current salary I’m not sure would cover all of our expenses. The only reason why I haven’t told my dad is because they have a good relationship and I don’t wanna blow everything up over an overreaction on my part.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

lilhappypumpkin1020 −  NTA. He is love bombing you. Make a prenup mandatory. Along with anger management and couples therapy if you choose to stay with him,  Dont add him to any documents. What is your is yours. Make a trust to your kids inheritance and have someone other than him be in charge of it. Talk to your dad see what he says.

Odd-Preparation-472 −  I agree with other commenters. Perusing a prenup seriously (which you 1000% should do anyway) will give away how much of a “joke” your ties together are. Prenups protect BOTH parties. When you talk, I think you should ask him what his real, serious issue is with a pre-nup, especially if it would also protect his assets in the case of separation.

If you are never going to separate, then why would having one even make a difference to him? He should feel so confident in his ability to love you and make this relationship last, that some hypothetical future where you aren’t together isn’t even a concern. NTA, not overthinking. The time to talk about finances together and your future is NOW, not after the wedding.

ArreniaQ −  You work for your father’s company. You absolutely need a prenup that states that any interest in your father’s company is not his. Does your father have an attorney? Meet with the attorney, go over your assets and let the attorney decide if you need a prenup.

Honestly that statement “we are never breaking up” is not romantic, it’s frightening. What he is saying is that he doesn’t intend to LET you leave. There are men who will kill before they let a woman leave them. Think carefully here: You are living in YOUR apartment, what happened to HIS apartment? Did he know about the family business when you started dating?

Maybe I’m too cynical and suspicious but this does not sound good. The old Romans had a saying “In wine is truth” He wasn’t joking!

GlorySeason777 −  NTA. This joke will continue not being funny for the next 18 years.

NatashOverWorld −  You’re not breaking up a family, you’re making sure your daughter doesnt have an AH for a father.. NTA.

NYCStoryteller −  NTA. You absolutely should not marry this man. I hope that the house is in your name alone and that you can afford it on your own. If you do (stupidly, in my opinion) take him back, you really better not marry him without a pre-nup and pre-marital counseling. If you’ve jointly put money down on the house, you need to document that s**t and have a plan for who gets the house/how the other person will be bought out.

Outside-Fennel −  Condoms don’t break that easily. In fact you could really go crazy with them and they won’t break. There has to be intentional sabotage, or maybe they were soooo old, like he bought them when he was 5 old, that they tore. As soon as you said it I questioned everything about him. I wouldn’t have put it past him to have sabotaged your birth control as well. What were you using for birth control?

quarkfan4552 −  He is textbook lovebombing.

MommaKim661 −  Ummmm unless tampered with, multiple condoms won’t break. He did it on purpose. He wasn’t joking. You do need a prenup, or not get married. This is the hill to die on. He’s still manipulating you by love bombing you. Please take time away and really think. Please don’t let him back, even on the couch

Fragrant-Customer913 −  A joke makes people laugh and doesn’t make them uncomfortable. Additionally, there is usually truth in jokes. The other thing there is truth in… alcohol. He may not remember it, but had he never thought it before, he wouldn’t have the idea to say it while drinking.