AITA for abandoning my dad’s pregnant widow?

A Reddit user (16M) shares their experience of dealing with their father’s death and the complicated relationship with his widow. Despite years of tension with his stepmother, the Redditor tolerated her for his father’s sake. After his father’s passing, the widow became increasingly clingy and tried to involve the Redditor in her pregnancy, but he distanced himself.

Now, she accuses him of abandoning her and the unborn child. Is the Redditor in the wrong for not supporting her and refusing to help with the birth certificate situation? Find out more by reading the original story below.

‘ AITA for abandoning my dad’s pregnant widow?’

My dad died several weeks ago. It was just the two of us for years after my mom died when I (16m) was a baby. He got remarried 3 years ago. I never liked his wife. But I loved my dad so I never told him I didn’t like her and I tolerated her being around. She was always really eager to get close to me and I get it might have made her nervous and might be why she was so frustrating and unlikable to me.

She’d say stuff like “at least you never knew your mom” and she’d tried to correct it but she’d make it worse by saying it was a good thing I didn’t remember my mom. She’d also say she took mom’s place and again she’d backtrack and say not what she meant and sometimes she’d say she wanted to help fill in for her but other times she’d say she meant she was the new wife and mom.

The other thing was she really wanted me to give her a nickname that was kinda motherly like ma or Momma A. She drove me crazy with that. She and dad decided to have a kid together and couldn’t. So they used donor sperm at a bank. Meaning dad was going to raise the kid but they wouldn’t have his DNA. They just discovered she was pregnant when dad died.

She tried to cling onto me but I moved in with my uncle before the day was over. I didn’t want to live with her. I packed up all the important stuff and I left with my uncle. She begged me to stay and told me to think about the baby, my sibling, etc.

I didn’t see her after the funeral. She’s tried to say we’re family and stuff but I told her we’re not. She asked about the baby and I told her the baby isn’t biologically my dad’s and he’s dead now and won’t get to raise the kid so I don’t want to know the baby either. She told me abandoning her like that was s**tty and abandoning my sibling even shittier.

She said she still has to appear in court when the baby’s born to get dad on the birth certificate and it would help if I spoke in favor of it since they need people to do it. I told her I won’t and she needs to get over it. She screamed at me down the phone the other night because she realized I had blocked her number and she got a new one and she mentioned abandoning them again.. AITA?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

SituationTop3120 −  Dear OP. First of all, let me say I am so sorry for your loss. If I understand it right you are just 16, and in that tender age, given the fact that you have lost both your parents, a person who cares for you, like you ex step-mother claims she does, shouldn’t be putting this kind of emotional pressure on you, it’s not just not ok, it’s unethical to pressure you to accept and be responsible for a potential baby (featus at the moment) which even if it was related to you by blood, you shouldn’t be responsible of.

Thankfully your uncle realised you shouldn’t stay there and be subject to this kind of emotional pressure and he took you with him. See what is left to you, in terms of Property/inheritance and try to separate your situation from your ex SM, divine assets, sell if there is something left both for you and her and in that way ensure she isn’t going to be involved in your finances, possibly ask your uncle to help you find some legal advice.

You aren’t related to her and if your choice is that you don’t want to get emotionally invested in her or her child’s life, that is your choice and no one should tell you otherwise. I wish you all the best with everything you chose to do.

SeaworthinessDue8650 −  She is your dad’s widow and you don’t owe her anything. She is also incredibly insensitive.. I am sorry for your loss.. NTA.

Mother_Search3350 −  You have only known her for 3 years. She is your dad’s widow and your dad is dead. You are an only child and an orphan. She needs to let you grieve and mourn your father’s d**th and stop harassing you.
Get your uncle to talk to her to leave you alone. Not everything is about her and her baby. You literally just lost your only parent at 16.

Sorry for your loss. Hopefully your uncle and family will be there to support you through your grief and loss and help you with your father’s estate.  . NTAH.

lapsteelguitar −  That is a problem with remarriages when the kid, in this case OP, is older rather than younger. You don’t think of your parents new spouse as a step<parent . Rather, they are <parents spouse, nothing to do with you. Been thru this, so I understand.

Your dad’s widow is desperate for assistance and stability under the present circumstances. Can’t say as I blame her. That doesn’t make it right, because you are, in fact, not related to her. Nor do you have any obligation to her.
Something to consider: If she gets your dad on the birth certificate, said child may then be entitled to a share of your dad’s estate.

So you may want to speak AGAINST your dad being added to the birth certificate. It all depends on how is will/trust was written. Assuming that you talk to her again, the next time she starts in you, hang up or walk out.. NTA.

Lula_mlb −  NTA. You are 16… she is the adult, she is NOT your responsibility.. I´m sorry for your loss OP.

74Magick −  What the entire f**k? This child is not your sibling, it’s some rando donors and your Dad’s wife.. NTA.

Apprehensive_War9612 −  NTA. She has consistently been overstepping your boundaries and trying to force you into a relationship that you have not wanted or been prepared for. Perhaps if she had allowed your relationship to develop naturally you would have affection for her but right now you do not.

You don’t owe her anything you are very young and even if the child was biologically, your father’s, you still would not owe her anything. I’m very sorry that you’ve lost both your parents at such a young age. But I am glad that you have your uncle and hopefully he will be a good support system for you.

l3ex_G −  Nta you are still a kid and not responsible for an adult’s feelings. Keep your space from her as this seems to be getting very toxic and will switch to a**sive soon. Tell your uncle and hopefully he will help you.

Ok_Childhood_9774 −  NTA. Neither the baby nor your stepmother are any relation to you. Ask your uncle to run interference for you if she keeps harassing you.

Crafty_Special_7052 −  NTA I would change your number so she can’t contact you. You have no obligation to her especially since this baby is not biologically your sibling.