AITAH for refusing to babysit my little brother after my mom grounded me?

A Redditor (18F) shares how she’s been helping her mom (42F) with babysitting her 5-year-old brother since their father passed away. After being grounded for expressing frustration about having to cancel plans to babysit, her mom asked her to watch her brother again. She refused, arguing that being grounded meant she shouldn’t be trusted with babysitting. Now, her mom is angry and the Redditor feels guilty. Read the full story below to see how this unfolded!

‘ AITAH for refusing to babysit my little brother after my mom grounded me?’

Hi Reddit, I (18F) live with my mom (42F) and my little brother (5M). My dad passed away a few years ago, so it’s just the three of us. Since then, my mom has had to work a lot to keep us afloat, and I’ve always tried to help out when I can—cooking dinner, watching my brother, cleaning, etc. I didn’t mind because I know she’s doing her best, and I love my brother.

Last weekend, my mom told me I couldn’t go to my best friend’s birthday party because she needed me to babysit. This wasn’t the first time plans got canceled last minute because of babysitting, so I was frustrated and told her I had been looking forward to this for weeks. She said, “Too bad, family comes first.”

So, I ended up staying home, but I was upset and made it clear I wasn’t happy about it. I still watched my brother and did everything I was supposed to, but I was kind of short with her for the next couple of days. Fast forward to this week: I got invited to hang out with friends after school. My mom said no because I was “being disrespectful” last weekend. She grounded me and told me I needed an “attitude adjustment.”

Now here’s where it gets messy. Yesterday, my mom said she needed me to babysit again because her work schedule changed. I told her no. I said, “If I’m grounded, then I shouldn’t be trusted with babysitting either.” She got really mad and said I was being selfish. She argued that watching my brother isn’t a punishment, it’s a responsibility, and I can’t just pick and choose when to help out.

I told her I feel like I’m being treated like a second parent, and I’m tired of always having to drop everything for her. She told me that’s what family does and accused me of being ungrateful for everything she’s done for me.

Now she’s barely talking to me, and I feel like the worst sister/daughter ever. My friends say I’m not wrong for standing up for myself, but my mom thinks I’m a b**t. I get that she’s under a lot of pressure, but I feel like I deserve to have some independence. So, AITAH for refusing to babysit after getting grounded?

See what others had to share with OP:

Sensitive-Ad-5406 −  “I understand that I should help. What I don’t agree with, is you forcing me to change well known plans last minute and punishing me for being upset about it. That’s not fair, and you know it yourself “. Time to move out anyway.

I-Fap-For-Shota −  NTA.  Accused me of being ungrateful for everything she’s done for me. I hate this line. You didnt ask to be born. Having you was her choice. Not yours. She is legally obligated to care for you and your brother through the choices she made. She voluntarily signed up for those responsibilities. It’s time she make good on them. Forcing your brother on you is b**lshit. Not your job, not your kid. 

harrisonSanDiego −  NTA. If she wants you to coparent, then she can’t ground you.

PoppyGrace0207 −  NTA. My husband died 7 months ago, and I rarely ask my oldest (close to your age) to babysit the youngest. I purposely rearranged my school schedule so that I’m available to my kids before and after school, and only have class when they do.

I know how stressful it is to suddenly be a solo parent, but your younger brother is NOT your responsibility. And your mom has had a few years to figure this all out. You deserve to go enjoy life and friends without being parentified. It’s nice that you do help out, but your mom needs to make other arrangements.

StrawberriesRGood4U −  Tl; Dr. The only detail I see here that matters is you’re 18 and your Mom still grounded you???!!!! You’re an adult. If your mother is still treating you like a child, I wouldn’t ever babysit again and focus all your efforts on getting out of that house. Also, the next time she tries that remind her you are a grown up and will do as you please.. NTA.

NegotiationEvery5054 −  Nta. He’s your brother not your child. Tell your mother she needs to be a parent.

chez2202 −  NTA. I understand your mum’s point of view about the birthday party if she had no other option but to work. You complied with her wishes and you stayed home to look after your brother. To then say that you couldn’t hang out with your friends after school because you had been disrespectful and to ground you on the day that you asked rather than earlier in the week when it started is just controlling behaviour and she is out of line.

Why would she expect you to be happy to continue raising your brother when she stopped you having an evening with your friends after you were rightfully annoyed at missing a birthday party to do HER job?

Talk to her. Tell her that you have put in the time with your brother but if she continues to try to make you his other parent you will increase your hours at work to enable you to move out and live your own life as the adult you are.
Also tell her that she needs to find a childminder for the times you are not going to be available to take care of your brother.

He is not your responsibility. You help out enough. She is delusional if she thinks that you should be there taking care of him until he’s an adult. You will be 31 years old at that point. You have already missed out on a big part of your childhood.

Bobsmith38594 −  NTA. Your mother needs to figure out child care because as a legal adult, you are likely to leave and start college, join the military, etc., and thus won’t be available for watching HER kid. Your mother is trying to train you to be her default child care option and guaranteed this will expand in terms of responsibilities she plans to saddle you with to full on parentification. INFO: OP, do you have any relatives?

System_Resident −  NTA I’m glad you called her out of her treating you like a second parent. You did nothing wrong and she needs to own up that she’s treating you that way. If anyone needs to grow up, it’s her. Family doesn’t force a kid to look after a kid and force them in a parent role.

No_Use_9124 −  Sweetie, you’re an adult now. Get a job and move out.