AITAH for kicking my ex out of his daughter’s birthday trip after he kept insisting on bringing his step daughter?

A mother (32F) planned a week-long trip to Greece for her daughter Rose’s 13th birthday. The trip was meant to be a special bonding experience, especially as Rose’s father, Alex, has been prioritizing his stepdaughter Mary over Rose in recent years.

Despite Mary and her mother, Sara, agreeing not to join, Alex insisted on bringing Mary along, claiming it would be good for the girls. When Alex refused to confirm his attendance without Mary, the mother uninvited him entirely, sparking mixed reactions from her friends and family.

While Rose loves her father and gets along with Mary, the mother worries Alex would focus more on Mary, as he’s done in the past. read the original story below…

‘ AITAH for kicking my ex out of his daughter’s birthday trip after he kept insisting on bringing his step daughter?’

Long time lurker here. I have never thought I would have to post a Reddit post about this, but my family is divided, and I need to know whether or not I am being unreasonable. Throwaway for privacy reasons. For the last few months, I 32F have been planning my daughter’s (Rose, fake name) 13th birthday.

For her birthday I have been planning a week-long trip to Greece. Rose has been obsessed with Greece for the longest time and has been begging to go there forever. And now I have finally saved up enough to give her a special birthday. The problem however is with my Ex (Alex).

Ever since I started planning the trip he has been pushing for me to invite his stepdaughter (Mary). For some context, Alex and I broke up a few years after Rose was born due to cheating during the pregnancy. We lost touch for a year or two before he came back asking to be in Rose’s life.

I agreed to co-parent with him, and things were going well, all things considered. That is until he got married to his new wife, (Sara) who already had Mary from a previous relationship. Sara and I get along really well, and so do Mary and Rose. The issue is not with his new family but with Alex.

Ever since he got married to Sara, all his attention has gone to Mary. At first, I understood. He needed her to get comfortable with him being her new dad. But it has reached the point where he barely even puts any effort with Rose.

He has missed several of her important competitions and events as well as her birthday just because he had to take Mary to the dentist. Or Mary needed someone to pick her up from school, or he wanted to take Mary to the movies.

All are excuses he has actually used when I confronted him about his absence in his daughter’s life. I should clarify that I have no issues with Mary. I love the kid. But my issue is with Alex acting like she is his only daughter.

I have talked to him about this several times, and he always uses the excuse that Mary needs a dad too. Before telling me to stop acting selfish and to appreciate he was in Rose’s life at all. While planning for the birthday I didn’t invite Mary and Sara deliberately so he could spend time with Rose on the trip.

I did ask them beforehand if they were okay with it, Mary doesn’t like traveling anyway so they both agreed to not come. Alex on the other hand has been refusing to accept this and kept pushing for me to invite her anyway. Saying it will be good for the girls to hang out.

I have been refusing to budge and it all came to a head last week when I asked Alex to confirm the dates and he said he wasn’t coming unless I invited Mary. I obviously said no but he didn’t back down.

I finally had enough and told him that if he wouldn’t come unless Mary came then he shouldn’t bother coming at all. He tried to argue but I haven’t spoken to him since then. He has been blowing up my phone but I honestly don’t have the energy to deal with him.

Some of my friends have been calling me asking why I uninvited him and saying I was acting like a B**ch. My mom agrees he was being unreasonable but also said I was being cruel by kicking him from the trip entirely. My sister however agrees that he shouldn’t come at all.

I was very sure of my decision before but now I am starting to think I overreacted. I don’t want Rose to think he doesn’t care enough to come at all, but If I agree he will spend the entire trip with Mary, I know he will because he has done it before, and I don’t think that is much better for Rose.

Everyone is divided and I need to be sure whether or not I am overreacting. Am I being the j**k here?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Trailsya −  “Before telling me to stop acting selfish and to appreciate he was in Rose’s life at all.”. What kind of l**er is this? Also, get better friends. If I were in this situation ALL my friends would agree with me. Women, be careful who you have children with, because WTF

YeeHawMiMaw −  Are you paying for him and is he expecting you to pay for Mary, too? Not that it matters, but, I just wonder if he will try to show up with her – to be honest, he sounds like a real d**che that would do something like that. If you now don’t have to pay for him, why not invite your Mom.

Having 2 generations of strong women who won’t put up with an a**hole might be a great vacation for your daughter.

WinterFront1431 −  I 100% agree with you. This trip is about his daughter, not his stepdaughter. Ignore everyone else. He’s made you and rose very aware of where she stands. I’d send him a message, then block him tbh. ” Please stop getting other people involved.

This trip is for your daughter, and the fact that you are yet again putting someone else above her is crazy. You are extremely selfish, and she will remember this for years to come. Now she is 13. I will leave it up to Rose whether she wants any contact with you going forward.”

Flimsy-Computer-5258 −  No, you’re not the AH. It’s kinda sus that he’s throwing a fit that Mary isn’t invited to go. She doesn’t even want to be there so why does he want to force it? Your daughter deserves a better father and he’s just not understanding that. I 100% agree with you.

ashatteredteacup −  Why are you making so much effort for him? I’ve seen your comments on things you do to enable your child to have a relationship with him. All kids deserve parents but not all parents deserve children. He’s a deadbeat.

If he wanted to, he would. But he didn’t. He’s a terrible father and you definitely didn’t overreact. Lose the man in the trash and friends who agree with him as well. NTA.

Fibro_Warrior1986 −  NTA It’s not up to him who goes. He’s not paying. The only reason you haven’t invited Mary is because he is neglecting to give any attention to rose. F**k him. If that’s his ultimatum then tell him to f**k off. Book the trip for you and rose. Have a wonderful time and don’t think about him at all.

AdAccomplished6870 −  Here is the uno reverse move. Make it a girls trip and uninvite Alex. But do invite Mary.

Proud-Geek1019 −  Let me get this straight. Alex was not part of your daughter’s life for a time, but he resurfaced, and you granted him co-parenting. He remarries, and you are on great terms with his wife and her daughter. Your daughter and her step-sister get on well.

Your ex neglects important events in his child’s life in order to favor his stepdaughter. Your daughter is having a significant milestone birthday, and you have graciously offered to fund the entire trip for her, you, AND your ex. Alex’s wife and stepdaughter are not interested in going on the trip,

which you obviously extended the offer or you would not have known that. Yet, for some bizarre reason, Alex insists an invite be extended to Mary – who doesn’t want to go. And he’s throwing a temper tantrum until he gets his way. Did I miss something? Of course, you’re NTA – in fact, you sound like an amazing person.

[Reddit User] −  NTA… “appreciate he was even in Rose’s life at all,” WTF he wants you to be grateful he’s barely doing the bare minimum of being a parent????? Nope, don’t cover the slack for him.

Eventually, Rose is going to see him for who he is, and he’s going to act surprised when she doesn’t want him in her life. Also, why should he get a free ride for this trip. He gets a flight and stay abroad… and all he has to do is celebrate his daughter, and he can’t even do that.

nope, people shouldn’t be rewarding for doing what they’re supposed to do, and they certainly shouldn’t be rewarded for being crap parents. Also does he pay child support bc if not, he should be. you’re carrying the parenting load while he’s telling you to be happy he shows even the slightest interest in his daughter. gross.

PigsIsEqual −  Did I miss something? Since when is an often-negligent ex-husband (a married one at that) invited to a birthday trip to Greece with his ex?? And paid for by that ex??? Sounds horribly awkward. I wouldn’t be pushing g him to go. All he’ll do is b**ch about how much “Mary would have loved this”.

Was the mother justified in prioritizing Rose’s birthday experience, or should she have compromised to ensure her father’s presence? What do you think? Share your thoughts below!

For those who want to read the next part :https://aita.pics/NSqKT