AITHA for telling my sister Sam that since her dead beat boyfriend is back I shouldn’t have to cancel my life to help her with her kids anymore all the time?

A Redditor shared a tough situation with their sister, Sam, who relies on them to help with her kids when her boyfriend Tavion is absent. However, when Tavion returned after two months, the Redditor felt it was unfair to keep canceling their life to step in as a caregiver. The situation escalated when Tavion confronted them, and now they’re considering cutting contact for their mental health. Read the full story below to see how everything unfolded!

‘ AITHA for telling my sister Sam that since her dead beat boyfriend is back I shouldn’t have to cancel my life to help her with her kids anymore all the time?’

So I (f21) have a sister Sam who has a dead beat boyfriend. And Tavion left two months ago but came back a week ago trying to play happy family. While he was gone I filled the role of another parent. I had no problem doing this. But now he’s back and Sam asked me this morning even tho we got into last night that Tavion isn’t feeling well and I need to step up again and watch her kids.

Now I have appointments almost all day that I can’t cancel. Plus I had to go to the post office before they close and also have a job interview today at 4. She didn’t like this and told me it’s my job as an aunt to step up when the parent can’t. I told her she’s ridiculous since I’m choosing not to have kids right now I shouldn’t have to be another parent to someone else’s kids.

I told her that idc if he is sick he was away for two months and all of a sudden he’s back but ain’t feeling well. Not my problem. She got mad at me and I hung up the phone. Tavion found me at the post office and started yelling at me outside and saying I am a terrible aunt and how the kids look up to me. And I told him at least I didn’t leave for two months with literally no goodbye to anyone. And all of a sudden has a heart and comes back.

Tavion told Sam what happened and she tried to get Kay and Nat involved and they both told her that I was clearly stating boundaries and since Sam likes her boundaries to be respected she needs to respect mine.
So now I’m thinking of either going low contact or even no contact for my own mental health.

So am I the a**hole for telling Sam since her dead beat boyfriend is back I shouldn’t have to cancel my life to help her with her kids anymore all the time?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

WebInformal9558 −  You should not have to cancel your life to help her with her kids all the time period. If you do, you’re doing her a favor, it’s not an obligation. Apart from that, the fact that their dad is not fulfilling his actual obligations is obviously bad.

LeaJadis −  So Tavion is too sick to watch his kids but healthy enough to track you down so he can scream at you in public……….? You maybe an Aunt but that doesn’t make you a babysitter.

lt_girth −  Oh so he was well enough to go to the post office but not well enough to take care of his own kid? Tavion is a l**er, make sure he and your sister both know that.. NTA, their spawn, their problem.

Ok-Freedom-3866 −  They got mad cause out of one day of the week I had these appointments and didn’t ask what day would be good for it.. I’m a 21 year old women. I told them both I don’t need or want their permission to live my life.

What hurt the most is the fact that Tavion said I’m a terrible aunt but yet I stayed with my sister to help her out and babysit all day every day. My other two sisters are thinking of going low contact since this happened this morning.

My sister got pregnant at 16 had Xavier at 17 I was 12 babysitting anyone and everyone I could for money for her.  He did hit me and some ppl saw it and some big guy got in the middle and threatened Tavion if he hit me again. Sam knows this and doesn’t think it’s a big deal. 

2npac −  He was too sick to care for his kid but he was fine enough to track you down at the post office?

Mountain_Day7532 −  Press charges against Tavion and never babysit again. Not your kids, not your problem. If they d**p the children on you in spite of you saying no, report them for child a**ndonment. NTA.

SirJakeP −  You’re not the a**hole. You’ve done more than enough. Prioritize your own life now.

Tinycupcakees −  definitely NTA. You set a healthy boundary. You were helping when Tavion was gone, but now that he’s back, it’s not your responsibility to cancel your life to take care of her kids. It’s okay to prioritize your own needs.

Ok-Freedom-3866 −  So from what I know in their relationship: 1. Sam has three boys prior to meeting Tavion. 2. Tavion also has 3 kids (2 girls, 1 boy) prior to meeting Sam.
3. Their youngest is the both of theirs.  4. Tavion also has left in the past I didn’t know cause I lived 3 hours away in my own a**sive relationship until I left a year ago.
5. Tavion has anger issues especially if he doesn’t get what he wants.  6. Tavion doesn’t have a job. Nor takes care of his kids.

Now I guess some guy saw it and took a video of the screaming match between me and Tavion at the post office and showed it to Adonis who is one of Sam’s baby daddies. He’s also very protective of me since he known me since i was 14 years old. Apparently Adonis showed up at Sam’s house and started yelling at Tavion and told Tavion if he is such a man why don’t he come fight him instead of a women.

Fidifira1 −  Nah, you’re not the a**hole here. It’s your life and your schedule, not a last-minute daycare for her and that dude who ghosted his own kids. You did your part when he dipped; now he’s back, it’s on him and her to handle their responsibilities. Setting a boundary doesn’t make you heartless it makes you sane. Go rock that interview and don’t let them guilt you into playing free nanny again. They can deal with their own mess.