AITA for refusing to give my half sister any of our grandmothers jewelry after they excluded me for years?

A Redditor shared their story of a complicated family dynamic, where they were excluded for years by their half-siblings due to being the product of an affair. When their grandmother’s jewelry collection was left to them, it sparked a conflict with their estranged siblings, who claim the jewelry was meant for the eldest granddaughter. Read the full story below to see how the drama unfolded!

‘ AITA for refusing to give my half sister any of our grandmothers jewelry after they excluded me for years?’

For context, I (24F) am the product of an affair. My father was married when I was born, and his marriage fell apart because of it. My dad eventually divorced his now ex-wife, and his three kids (my half-siblings 32F, 30M, 28M) have always resented me for it. I understand, what happened between our parents was messy and destroyed their happy family, but I was just a baby, and they’ve punished me for it my whole life.

Growing up, they excluded me from everything. They didn’t want me around, made cruel comments when I was, and acted like I didn’t exist unless they were making me feel unwelcome. The worst part was when my mom passed away when I was 19.

While I was mourning my mother’s d**th, they openly celebrated. I found out they made jokes about how “the trash took itself out” and threw a party less than a month after the funeral to celebrate it. That broke me, and I’ve been no-contact with them for years over it.

Our shared grandmother wasn’t much better. She wasn’t outright cruel to me, but she clearly favored my half-siblings. They spent vacations and summers with her, while she barely acknowledged me. She also made it known on more than one occasion that she wanted her jewelry to go to my oldest half-sister (32F) when she passed away as the oldest female grandchild in the family since she never had any daughters of her own.

It was well established to everyone that knew her that this was her intention. However, she didn’t leave a notarized will, so legally, her estate went to my dad as her only child.

To my shock, my dad gave the entire jewelry collection to me. He said he regretted how I’d been treated by the family and wanted me to have something meaningful. It was the first time he had ever done something to truly acknowledge me, and I was floored.

Now, my half-siblings are furious, especially my oldest half-sister. She’s demanding I give her some of the jewelry, claiming that since she was closer to our grandmother and she had always intended for her (Sister) to have it, it’s unfair that I kept it all. She even said I “wasn’t really part of the family” and has been calling me selfish and accusing me of “stealing” what was rightfully hers.

I refused. I told her that after years of being treated like garbage, I’m not giving up the one thing my dad has ever done to acknowledge me. She accused me of being bitter and petty, saying I’m using this to punish them for things that happened years ago.

I’ll admit, part of me feels like I’m finally getting some compensation for their horrible treatment of me. But the other part of me wonders if I’m being petty or cruel by keeping it all when the others were so much closer to her. So AITA?

Edited to add due to some people making assumptions about my mother. She did not know my father was married originally. They married after my father’s divorce because at the time my mother could not support the two of us by herself and being an unmarried pregnant woman was a major cultural taboo for her.

My father spent a majority of his time home (when he actually bothered to come at all) trying to make it up to his children/my half-siblings when it was his time with custody. As far as I am aware, my mother never treated them poorly. They tended to ignore her and she did the same when they were around our house.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Tasty_Candy3715 −  Your Dad caused all this grief by cheating, it’s sad all around. Eff your Dad.

Electronic_Ladder398 −  NTA, next time they ask, tell them “maybe you weren’t actually close to grandma enough for her to make a will. Maybe grandma secretly loved me and told dad to give me all the jewelry. Now stop bothering me.” then block them.

TheSupremeAdmiral −  Your dad is the a**hole in every sense. He had the affair; they are right in being angry about that even if isn’t fair to blame you. They should be doing more to blame him.

Second, your dad has clearly done nothing to protect you from the consequences of his actions. If his family didn’t want you around then he should never have put you into a position to be abused by them. Again, they are rightfully angry. You should have gone your life with minimum interaction with them but he forced you to be around them until you were an adult who could legally cut contact without his say.

Third: He should not have given you that jewelry. If his mother hated you then it was a grave insult to her memory to gift you that stuff. They are, again, right to be angry. Not angry with you, but to be angry. He created this drama and now you’re suffering the consequences.

I should point out that gifting you jewelry is s**tty to you, not just his family. Your life has been s**t because of his mistakes. Does a bribe really fix that? Can he buy your love and forgiveness? That isn’t compensation. He tossed you a hot-potato drama bomb and he should have f**king known it. It’s f**king obvious.

Peggy-Wanker −  I’d tell her right to her face that she’s right, that I am bitter, petty and punishing them. Then tell her it’s what they deserve after the way they treated you. Keep the jewelry.

Gnd_flpd −  NAH, but OP’s father is true AH in this story. This needs to be a somewhat cautionary tale; granny should have while she was alive and kicking, simply give the jewelry to her favored granddaughter. All of this waiting until a person dies just causes a lot of drama and toxic feelings.

bookishmama_76 −  NTA – does anyone else find it *highly* ironic that half sis accused OP of being bitter & petty? I mean, they threw a party when OP’s mom passed and said that the trash took itself out for Pete’s sake! The half dibs FAFOd and now they are reaping the consequences of their horrible actions.

Alternative-Base2743 −  NTA. “Hey, remember that party you threw when my mom died? F**k you.” Then block them all.

Salt-Finding9193 −  Your father is an a**hole. He knew where his mother wanted her jewellery to go to and it wasn’t to you. 

Impressive-Sky3250 −  I might be in the minority but your father was wrong for giving you the jewelry. If everyone knew it was to go to the eldest granddaughter he should have given it to her.

OmegaPointMG −  Pretty sure I saw this exact similar scenario a few weeks ago or so…and OP isn’t responding.