AITA for refusing to share my dinner with 2 children?

A 29-year-old woman feels trapped in a toxic dynamic with her boyfriend’s family, particularly his sister, who frequently shows up uninvited with her two children. Despite her repeated requests to stop the visits and respect boundaries, her boyfriend enables his sister’s behavior.

The last straw came when she refused to share her dinner with the sister’s son, leading to a meltdown and her boyfriend giving her the silent treatment. Now, she’s considering ending the relationship but feels conflicted about whether she’s failing by not fighting harder to save it. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for refusing to share my dinner with 2 children?’

My ( F29) boyfriend Albert ( M35) and I had a great relationship until his family moved closer to us. I haven’t seen a more toxic or entangled family connection. It seems like every ex and their mother is an enemy, every ex boss had it out for them,

every friend should help out more and more, everyone should take their verbal abuse. After a few run ins, I cut MIL off. His sister ( F37) is in the habit of showing up at dinner time. She has 2 kids ( 7f, 9M) that she always brings along.

I didn’t mind sharing a meal, but I hated her dropping by without a warning. Albert never took action, and this created problems. SIL has an unbearable parenting style. They are good kids, but she over indulges them and lets too many things slide as “they are just kids”.

So they interject in adult conversations, have crying fits when told “no” and are prone to grabbing/ touching/taking objects without permission. So they took things around the house ( cupboard items, small sculptures, my stash of hotel toiletries, my hair extensions) “to play with” and had me going crazy trying to find them later.

Fast forward and her son, who has anxiety, had a small crisis from opening our kitchen drawer and grabbing some pop its/party snaps. Some fell and popped real loud and he cried because he was embarrassed. I did not offer comfort because that would be indulging his snoopy behavior.

So I stayed quiet and asked Albert to talk to his sister, which I’m sure he didn’t. I’m not happy in my relationship. I don’t have privacy. His sister keeps showing up despite being told ( by myself ) that she can’t keep showing up uninvited.

I’m sick of having to hide things that I think her kids could get their hands on. I recently put a lock on my home office door because I suspect that SIL has been using my copy machine while I’m out. I work both at home and at 2 client sites and have been getting home after 8 pm.

I’m sick of being tense and dreading her visits because he lets her eat through our groceries like she has a right to do it. He has called me selfish and greedy. I thought he would be more considerate now that they gave him less hours at work and his pay cut has caused me to pay for most of our bills.

SIL is a nail technician and a hair stylist. She was also a teacher at a beauty academy until she had her kids. Now she won’t do anything but badmouth her ex and complain about how hard life is. She has a place to live, with access to food and her own car.

I’m thinking that she may be doing this on purpose. Last Friday, Albert went bowling with friends. I told him that I wanted a very quiet evening and didn’t want to be bothered. I got home at around 7PM, and sat down to eat my seafood boil. SIL showed up, asking for her daughter’s backpack that she left behind.

I was annoyed. I tried to rush to get it but her son saw the crab legs and started insisting. I said I was sorry, but that’s my dinner. So he starts crying, stomping and repeatedly asking his mom for my food. I said I was sorry and quickly showed them out. To my aggravation, they didn’t leave immediately.

He cried outside for about 5 minutes while SIL sat inside her car trying to convince him to get in. I pulled down the shutters and tried to ignore them. When Albert got back, his face had a bitter expression. He said that he was extremely disgusted about the way that I treated his family.

He has stopped talking to me. It’s been a few days and I’m still getting the silent treatment. I’ve cried a few times, especially because he’s been texting me despite us being physically next to each other. SIL showed up yesterday, but he wasn’t home yet so I didn’t let her in.

I’m angry and defeated and I’m coming to the conclusion that I need to end the relationship because he texted me that I need to apologize to SIL. I didn’t want things to end between us but I feel like they are trying to walk all over me. This is so surreal.

We had planned on a cozy Xmas together months ago when things were good. I’m not trying to ruin his life. Right now, his finances are not great and my salary makes a huge difference. I just don’t want to be made to feel like his family can get away with what they’re doing and I hold resentment.

I texted him about how I feel, and how incredibly selfish he is to be comfortable giving to his sister with what my hard work can buy but can’t think to respect my boundaries. AITA if I leave? I feel like somehow I’m the failure for not being willing fight for our relationship.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

WanderingGnostic −  NTA. Run far, run fast. It will never get better. They’ve shown you who they are and where you stand with them. There’s no salvaging this.

Amunetkat −  Nta…but you better lock down your contraceptives while you plan your exit from this dumpster fire of a relationship. Gurl why are you with this man? He prioritizes his family more than you and puts you down in your own house?

Creepy-Stable-6192 −  Well, at least now you know he cares more about what his family thinks of him then what his wife thinks of him.
NTA, separation may be for the best.

sailorpussy −  NTA. I hate sharing my food when I’m already exhausted, and now its comes with a temper tantrum from unwelcome people? Leave this asshat.

Haunting_Green_1786 −  NTA – Why do you want to fight for more opportunities to be HIS Family’s Doormat? Walk away from an untenable situation.

Awkward-Tourist979 −  You have all the power in this relationship.  Tell him you’re already financially supporting him – you are not prepared to feed his sister and her poorly behaved children. Either he deals with this now or he can move out now.

Tell him you aren’t prepared to discuss this any further.  He needs to have a think about his behaviour and his sister’s behaviour and make a decision to leave or stay. If he chooses to stay – he must see his sister over at her house.

There will be no more drop ins where you haven’t issued an invitation. Tell her he can give his answer tomorrow and then start moving out his things if that is the way he wants to go.

Grumpy_Lurker −  NTA. Though it’s pretty clear that this relationship is untenable. You’ve established reasonable boundaries that he can’t respect, or expect his family to respect.

judgeeveryonesbiznes −  NTA – his finances are his problem. How would you feel if you found out he was only staying with you until he gets more on his feet money wise and then he drops you like a bad habit? You siad it yourself you are not happy. His behavior is not going to change.

The things that make you unhappy do not effect him in the same way. There is no shame for walking away and letting him sort himself out. Maybe he and sister can get a place and share finances since they seem to kind of do that any ways. You just won’t be the person to bankroll it any longer.

Less-Quality6326 −  NTA – make sure all the utilities are in HIS name before you move out. Are you on the lease. Get your name off that too
Change all your passwords to everything. Especially your banking info and credit card info.

Get a copy of your credit report to make sure you don’t have new credit cards you didn’t know about. If she’s been snooping thru your stuff and using your copier then she might have been on your computer too?

Change your address on all your bills AND at the post office – but what will s**k is you’ll still get mail sent to this address after you’ve moved. So if moving is going to take awhile – get a PO Box for your mail NOW so that you get any mail that slips thru before you actually move.

You are right to end this relationship filled with DRAMA. Or this will be your entire life for YEARS! His family knows they got it good living near him cuz between the 2 of you they’re getting free groceries and food and can do whatever they want knowing he just puts up with it

Budget-Cloud1203 −  He will come home one day to an empty house. All my items would be gone, and numbers blocked. No ma’am, run as fast as you can in the other direction.

Setting boundaries and maintaining respect are essential in any relationship. Should she continue to fight for a partner who seems unwilling to prioritize her feelings, or is it time to move on? What would you advise? Share your thoughts below!