AITA for telling my cousin that she can’t invite her friends over for Thanksgiving?

A Redditor is hosting Thanksgiving at their mom’s house this year and is facing a conflict with a cousin. In past years, the cousin hosted and invited her friends and coworkers while discouraging the Redditor from inviting their own friends.

Now that the roles are reversed, the cousin expects to bring her friends and coworkers to the Redditor’s gathering. When told they weren’t invited, the cousin got upset and called the Redditor an “asshole.” Was the Redditor being unfair, or was the cousin overstepping? Read the story below.

‘ AITA for telling my cousin that she can’t invite her friends over for Thanksgiving?’

I have a medium sized family nearby. A few different aunts and uncles, cousins, etc. most years in the past one of my older cousins hosted Thanksgiving. She is kinda centrally located. This year she is having a major bathroom remodel and her place isn’t really an option.

She normally is very welcoming to family and HER co workers and HER friends. When I’ve asked if I could invite random friends over she said she didn’t feel comfortable with people over that weren’t part of her life. I didn’t push back.. This year I’m hosting at my moms.

My mom is ok with me taking over this year. My cousin called and asked what times she should be over and said a few of her friends and coworkers wanted to know what to bring. I told her sorry but that they weren’t in the guest list. She seemed annoyed and asked why not.

I told her when she hosts she is very unwelcoming to people I would have liked to invite. She argued that it’s different because I know them now through her. I just said “look, those are your friends. I don’t make plans to see them. I only see them at your place.” She did I was being an “a**hole” but it sounded more like the B word.. Am I the a**hole?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

dryadduinath −  NTA. Hosts make the guest list.  Honestly it sounds like she considers this “her” holiday, and your hosting an extension of her hosting. That would explain why she told her regular guests to show up to your event. That is not your fault,  and she should never have invited them without your permission.

Rye_One_ −  “My friends are asking what they can bring”. “A turkey, a ham, stuffing, mashed potatoes, scalloped potatoes, two vegetable sides, two salads, appetizers, wine and dessert, along with cutlery, dishes, glassware, linen, tables and chairs for 20 adults plus whoever you’re including – because if you’re bringing friends and co-workers, it’s your event.”

Lyzab77 −  NTA. if you host, I suppose you’re the one preparing the main meal. So you have the most expenses and you have to clean after everyone. You host, you make the guest list

If cousin wanted to invite one person, why not but co workers and friends ? How many people does she want to bring ? Maybe it’s a little petty to react that way and you should have an open conversation with cousin about being authorized to invite a friend to her gatherings. And let her invite a friend. But considering that she can invite as much people she wants to someone else place… it’s weird to me…

extinct_diplodocus −  NTA. It’s simple. She hosts, she controls the invite list. You host, you control the invite list. Guests do not get to unilaterally invite other guests. She’s acting extremely entitled.

anonymouswalrous5 −  NTA. That’s a bold thing to assume she can invite her co-workers and friends to someone’s house, let alone their thanksgiving dinner.

Lucariothrowaway −  Nta she’s manipulating with that “they’re your friends now too line”. If she hosts again next year are your friends invited? Because they’re gonna get to know each other at your thanksgiving right? I highly doubt she would understand the irony. She’s selfish and thinks everything revolves around her

MorbidBurnOut −  NTA. Host picks the guest list. Guests may make requests but not demands. If they don’t like it. Don’t come.

BigComfyCouch4 −  NTA. Of course. Guests don’t get to bring guests without asking. Which is what you did in previous years – *and you didn’t argue when told No!*

MaeSilver909 −  NTA. You’re hosting not your cousin & she cannot dictate who attends or not. May be one of her friends should host for your cousin & her co-workers/friends.

lmmontes −  Wow, the entitlement of your cousin! NTA.

Do you think the Redditor was justified in setting boundaries for their Thanksgiving gathering? Should the cousin’s friends have been included, or is it fair to keep the guest list limited to family? Share your thoughts and experiences below!