[UPDATE] AITA for obeying my in-law’s wishes too literally?

I was here a couple weeks ago because my in-laws did not find my dinner invitation warm enough. Tldr; They refused to reply to me until I wrote a warmer invitation. I thought that was stupid so I sent back an AI-generated version filled with emojis and obvious AI lines. First, please read my original post: https://aita.pics/LlYJb

‘  [UPDATE] AITA for obeying my in-law’s wishes too literally?’

 MIL did reply to my second message. Religious greetings, Thank you for the invitation, we will get together soon, God willing. I did not follow up and let the invitation expire. They did not come.

A bit after that, we had a large family gathering at their place. My husband’s grandparents, his parents, their kids and grandkids. I kept the interaction with FIL and MIL to a minimum; I was polite, I greeted them, but nothing more. I felt I had made enough efforts trying to connect with people that did not respect me enough to reply to a text message.

In the past, they have always used my (lack of) relationships with the rest of the family against me. I was not close enough to SIL or I did not spend enough time with GMIL and it was proof I was not making any effort to integrate into the family. I have tried to explain their family is very large and it takes a while to build a relationship with 10s of people who are already close-knit, but you might as well try and convince a mountain to move to a different spot.. Well, not this time.

The younger kids have always been easy. They’re not as set in their ways and they accepted me very quickly. I spent hours with kids playing all over me. The babies used to cry when they saw me – they hate strangers. Not only have they stopped crying, they smile and play with me now! My oldest SIL also married outside of their culture, so she’s always been the most empathetic since she knows what her husband went through with them.

My other SIL is a lot more like MIL. Hard one to win over. But even she softened and we are now in a place where we get along. The final blow though were my husband’s grandparents (FIL’s parents). They are very conservative and would have clearly preferred if he had married within the community. The grandmother barely speaks a word of English. I’m not what they wanted. But even they have moved on. They hugged me and they were clearly happy to see me.

Between the fact I now feel comfortable with everyone else and the fact I stopped even trying with them, I guess it dawned on them that my problem was not their family, it was them. It might seem like a small thing to the readers here, but such a level of actual awareness coming from them is nothing less than a miracle of God in my eyes.

After the gathering, they called Husband again and asked him if I hated them and still held a grudge for the fact they opposed us getting married for a very long time. Husband in his infinite patience argued for hours with them and tried to explain that when you treat people unkindly, they do not tend to love you back.

He pushed back on the idea I was ‘punishing’ them and reminded them I have tried very hard for months to get along with them and all I got for it was criticism and ghosting. Whatever else was said during that fight, it seems to have had some sort of effect. They have stopped calling husband once a week to give a detailed report of everything I have done wrong during the last 7 days.

While they still cannot accept to see me wearing pants around them, they seem to have given up on trying to convince us I should never wear pants outside my own house (again, the 21st century reader may be confused by how this constitute progress, I’m grading on a curve here).

And for her credit, I think MIL has taken the mental load to try and fix the relationship. She’s been the one texting me, giving news and inviting us to a restaurant; all the emotional labour that used to be mine. FIL is still a piece of work but since his parents now like me, not much he can say or do. Ironically, his culture is now working for me. TLDR; If you have a difficult relationship with your in-laws, have chatgpt answer their text for you.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

YuunofYork −  Way to bury the lede. Pants? PANTS? That’s their f**king problem? You have patience I never could nor would I ever want.

ssddalways −  Aawww I’m glad there has been progress. Carry on wearing your trousers (pants?)!! But seriously good luck.

Sudden_Morning_4197 −  Oh nah I could never marry into this nonsense.

Samarkand457 −  Plot twist: all their family think your MIL and FIL are asshats.

Plastic_Concert_4916 −  Huh. I guess this is the best outcome you can expect with in-laws like this. I’m glad the rest of his family has accepted you, and that your husband has your back here!

HighwayCommercial207 −  This sounds like Quiverfull or fundamental lds… I come from Quiverfull… luckily I managed to leave it, and by the time I met my hubby, they were just happy I wasn’t going to keep living in sin…lol.

Alarmed_Ad_66 −  Was your husband raised chassidic? The g-d willing and the pants. Nice to see things are improving though.

akshetty2994 −   After the gathering, they called Husband again and asked him if I hated them and still held a grudge for the fact they opposed us getting married for a very long time. Husband in his infinite patience argued for hours with them and tried to explain that when you treat people unkindly, they do not tend to love you back. Shocked pikachu face, “no way”-The In-Laws lol.

wvclaylady −  You got texts??? Must be nice…

Dana07620 −  What culture is this?