Update:Aitah for not giving my niece the gift I planned for my goddaughter?

First of all, thank you for all the kind comments. It was awesome to read that I was not being unreasonable since it doesn’t happen often in my family. If you Need a remainder or you’ve not read my preavious post here’s a link preavious post: https://aita.pics/UJgIR

I decided to post this update since last Sunday was Alexa’s birthday and this Saturday will be Daisy. Also I’m sorry in advance if I make any mistakes : english is not my first language, I’m trying my best.

‘ Update:Aitah for not giving my niece the gift I planned for my goddaughter?’

So as I said Sunday was Alexa’s birthday. Even though what my sister and my mother told me about gift swapping and Daisy not being really family pissed me off, Alexa had no blame in all of this and I felt kind of bad to give her a generic gift.

I tried to talk to my sister to know what kind of merch Alexa would love to have or at least what she already had in her collection. I was told to go f**k myself and that Alexa didn’t need my pity second thought gift.

Since she was not going to be helpful I asked my Bil. Fortunatly he was very happy to help and also grateful that I was taking an interest in Alexa. He told me my niece has social anxiety, she has no close friends and her only outlet are books, k pop and k drama. Apparently my sister is always on her case because of that.

Anyway I decided to buy her the group official ligthstick, a plushie of his favorite member mascotte and the new released signed album. ( I went a bit crazy I know but I was feeling pretty guilty). I swear I don’t remember Alexa giving me a true smile until she open the presents. She lighted up from within and gave me the longest and biggest hug.

She was super excited because she was saving in order to buy the ligthstick. I told her that maybe next tour we could go to a concert together and use our ligthstick. And that’s were my sister ruined it. She scoffed and said in front of everyone ” yeah cause we all know this year you’re going with your favourite…of course Alexa takes the back seat”.

I could feel how hurt and embaressed was Alexa but she put on a brave face and thanked me for all the presents, and she told me that she didn’t want go to the concert since it was crowded and too loud but,maybe, She could come to my flat sometimes to play Zelda and read manga.

When my sister tried to say that I’m too busy I shut her up and told my niece that she’s always welcome. Also I over heard Sister and Bil “discussing” in the kitchen. He was livid with her. All in all I think it went well. Now I’m just waiting for Daisy’s birthday surprise.

Check out how the community responded:

TerMornetor −  NTA. No offence OP, but your sister sounds like a raging, salty b**ch who seems to take more pleasure in being passive-aggressive than being kind towards her daughter. The fact that she actively tries to ruin her own daughter’s excitement at the gifts like that is awful, and I wouldn’t be surprised if those kinds of actions are what has caused your niece’s social anxiety. Your BIL sounds like he’s got his priorities straight, at least.

Lyntho −  NTA (just for the bot, i assume you know you’re not at this point). Hearing how your niece is treated by your sister, I think it’s no wonder she has social anxiety and is shy- she’s walking on eggshells and getting beaten down emotionally by her erratic mother at home. The way her mother treated her and talked to her on her BIRTHDAY shows that this whole thing was just a power move on you, rather than something she did because she cared about her daughter.

If you can tolerate your sister, honestly i think it would be really lovely if you could connect with your niece. Mind you I do not think you are obligated to, especially if you dont think you can handle the stress of your sister- but I think Alexa genuinely wanted to be around you, and having such thoughtful gifts given to her made her feel brave enough to mention wanting to visit.

She clearly thinks well of you, and having an ally outside the house could help her in so many ways. You have an ally in BIL thankfully, so if you can handle it I think you two could have a lovely relationship.

firedncr24 −  Do you think Alexa was being nice saying she wouldn’t like the concert, or do you think she really wouldn’t like it? There’s a possibility here that everyone is fighting to have Alexa go to a concert that she wouldn’t even enjoy??. NTA. Your sister is the worst!

geestssiluredp20 −  NTA, not by a long shot. Sounds like your sister needs to check herself and start appreciating the effort you’re putting in for Alexa. Props to you for going the extra mile and making Alexa’s day special, you’re totally winning the cool aunt award here. Keep doing you and don’t let your sister’s crappy attitude get in the way. Alexa is lucky to have you in her corner.

Chaoticgood790 −  Your niece’s social anxiety is not helped with a b**ly for a mother. anyways instead of gifts in the future invest in activities or 1-1 times with Alexa.

daphuqijusee −  Anyone else wanna bet that the only reason why Alexa is so shy, quiet and introverted is because of the demon of a mother she has??

winterworld561 −  Your sister is a colossal piece of s**t.

Perfect_Ring3489 −  Nta. Your sister needs to grow up and zip it. You did a nice thing. Id focus on your nieces and keep distance from your sister.

GerundQueen −  Wow, your sister is a terrible mom. She deliberately ruined her child’s happiness. She seriously watched her daughter light up with excitement and delight at her gift, decided that OP needed to be punished, and hurt her daughter as a way to hurt OP. She could have let her daughter have a great birthday but decided to rain on her own child’s parade so OP didn’t “win.” Pathetic excuse for a mother.

No_Philosophy_6817 −  Amazing that sis doesn’t even know that her daughter has some social anxiety…as in, “Gee, sis, do you think that there might be a reason why she’s always wearing headphones? Have you ever actually *talked* to your daughter to try to help or do you just berate and belittle her for not being the pushy b**ch that YOU are?”

It seems like your niece gave you an opportunity to grow closer to her and this may also be a way for you to be the person she can open up to eventually where her own Mom has fallen short. Of course, you won’t push that on her but maybe you’ll have the chance to become the cool auntie that she can be her true self with.

Maybe given time (And it sounds like you’re willing!) she’ll be able to blossom and learn to face her anxiety when she sees that it’s possible to be loved and accepted just as she is and not how her mom wants her to be?

I may be reading too much into this so forgive me if so. I just feel that that true smile you received could be the ice breaker. And perhaps as your niece grows up she will remember the kindness and grace you show her going forward. After all, this doesn’t need to end with a concert. In fact, it can be the beginning of a new relationship that you’ve never been able to be a part of. Good luck!