AITA for waking up my roommate and calling her a spoilt b**t?

A first-year university student, who shares a dorm room with her more privileged and party-loving roommate, reached her breaking point after repeated disturbances. The roommate frequently came back late, drunk, and disruptive, often ignoring the writer’s need for rest and study.

After yet another 4 a.m. disturbance, the writer decided to stop tiptoeing around and confronted her roommate, calling her a “spoilt brat.” The situation escalated when the roommate reported her for discriminatory comments. Now, the writer is facing a formal conflict resolution meeting and wonders if she was in the wrong. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for waking up my roommate and calling her a spoilt b**t ?’

AITA for waking up my roommate and calling her a spoilt b**t after she got mad? My roommate and I (both 19F) are first years at university. For context, I am a bursary student which basically means I get more financial support due to my low income background.

My roommate, let’s call her M, is much more well-off than me and comes from boarding school, rich parents, etc. At first we got along really well. Problems started coming up when M continued going out at night (clubbing, partying etc) and would come back, usually drunk and delirious, proceeding to wake me up at around 4am.

In the mornings I usually tried to be quiet, I wouldn’t switch on the lights while getting ready, in order not to wake her up even though she never gave me the same treatment. Also, btw, I go out too but not every night like she does, and I enjoy drinking/partying as much as the next student,

but I also want to the make the most of my studies, plus I can never afford continuous club nights. Another issue is she often brings people around to our room, sometimes female friends who sleep on our floor,

and she would only ‘ask permission’ a few hours before like: ‘btw, my friend is staying around tonight’. Ok?? I found it annoying but not really a major issue until she started bringing her boyfriend around, I was coming back on Monday to find M and her boyfriend ‘napping’ in our room,

which really frustrated me, because I never bring my boyfriend around as I didn’t want to make her feel uncomfortable. That night she went out as usual and came back around 4am Tues morning, threw up in our waste bin, and fell asleep.

I decided that enough was enough, that if she was going to live with no regard to me (she knew I had a test at 9:00am) that I would the same. I got up by switching on all the lights, and not tiptoeing around like I usually do.

She woke up, and yelled at me for being loud, saying she had a massive headache and had only two hours of sleep, and needed to rest. I said that I also wanted to sleep but I couldn’t, because she had woken me up coming back at 4am,

and that actually she had been really inconveniencing me the last few weeks. To which she decided to respond that it wasn’t her fault I was ‘too boring’ and ‘too stingy’ to go out, and that she was acting like a normal first year student, that I was the weird one.

I responded by saying ‘yeah well you’re just a spoilt b**t who’s wasting her parents money by missing all her classes to sleep and party, and im done dealing with that’.

She started crying as I left for my class, and I came back to the news that she reported me for discriminatory comments. AITA? We have a meeting for ‘reconciliation and conflict resolution’ coming up where im expected to profusely apologise

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Tangerine_Bouquet −  Tell your side of the story. You’re trying to get to your classes, and sleep is necessary for health. You do not need to apologize for living your life, or for telling her that what she’s doing is not acceptable in your dorm room.

The “spoiled b**t” comment may be rude, but it’s not “discriminatory” and given the situation, it seems pretty true. Maybe better to say “acting like a spoiled b**t” but if it quacks like a duck, you know. Rich people aren’t a legally protected class (although of course they’re protected by, you know, everything),

so she can explain the exact discrimination she’s alleging. Partying isn’t a protected characteristic. NTA. You don’t have to tiptoe around when you get up in the morning just because she parties all night.

She can stay somewhere else if the expected–yes, normal–university life of actually sleeping at night and going to classes is a problem for her.

Argylesox95 −  NTA She wants to party all night, fine, but she can’t get in the way of your studies and your wanting to take college seriously. Your roommate needs to understand that the world is not going to operate on her terms. Its not your responsibility to accommodate her.

Just explain your side of the story, the official running this meeting (if they have some common sense), will see that your roommate’s claim of discrimination is ridiculous. The official might also have a problem with guests sleeping over.

ihadone −  You’re going to have to ask for clarification on the ‘discriminatory’ comments because I don’t see anything you wrote as being discriminatory. Unless not pandering to someone’s party lifestyle is considered discriminatory.

NTA, you went to university to learn, your roommate went to university to party, explain that politely in your mediation and ask for a different roommate, the one you have now isn’t compatible with the learning environment.

thefullnine4rain −  Oh, hell no! Don’t apologize…TELL THEM THE TRUTH! You’re NTA, she is! Make a list of how many times, and how many things, she’s said or done. Throw her under the bus. I’d even call her parents and tell THEM what she’s doing.

DrPablisimo −  If this is in the US, I am pretty sure that ‘spoilt b**t’ is not a legally protected category. Tell your story, and see what happens. You can even mention the boyfriend on the floor and how it makes you feel uncomfortable.

If you have documentation of nights this happened, you can mention it. In the mean time, can you change roommates any time or just between semesters? Maybe one of her wild party friends has a normal roommate who would not mind a change.

Try to find a normal, non-party roommate, or one who at least does not bring the effects of the drinking and the partying into the dorm room (vomit, friends on the floor, etc.)

MidnightMalaga −  NTA Also, a lot of people are telling to you to go in guns blazing, and I’ll just say – I’ve always had a lot more success playing the incredibly reasonable one in the room with a hothead over also shouting. I’d s**k it up and apologise.

Point out the stress you were under with your upcoming exam, the unsanitary conditions, and your sleep deprivation, but agree that you still shouldn’t have called her names. Turn to the authority figures to the room and ask for how to best fix this.

In the interests of keeping the peace and minimum effort, they’ll probably suggest mutual agreement of quiet hours and no overnight guests. Go for it and nail down terms then and there, because I guarantee the conditions they’ll place will align a lot more with your preferences than your roommates.

From there, each time she breaches them, calmly talk to her and note it down. Once she’s up to 3-4, go back to the RAs during the daytime with your time stamped and factual notes and try for a room swap instead.  If they don’t, that’s when you start making it the RAs problem in the middle of the night, especially when she brings guests back.

Sqweee173 −  NTA, make sure to ask for the complaint in writing with an explanation as to what was determined as discriminatory with what you said. As others have said you have a right to live your life as much as she does and it’s obvious her lifestyle doesn’t mesh with yours.

I would push the school to assign you a different roommate as she is starting to create a hostile environment for you. Edit: give up updates too after the meeting

Future-Nebula74656 −  Nta. You should of reported her first… But that is in the past… Now you need to make them change her to a different room

Whytiger −  NTA!!! That’s just spoiled b**t behavior. I did my fair share of partying but did my best to respect my housemates. Can’t even see the hypocrisy of demanding your silence cause she needs rest while jeopardizing yours. Don’t apologize. You’ve done nothing wrong.

Was the writer justified in standing up for herself, or did her choice of words cross a line? How should shared spaces balance different lifestyles? Share your thoughts below!