AITAH for never giving away anything to my neighbor?

A Redditor shares her experience with a particularly insistent neighbor in her generous, community-oriented neighborhood. After several incidents involving giveaways, including baby formula, a jogging stroller, and a free museum ticket, this neighbor repeatedly accused the user of unfairly choosing other recipients over her.

The user questions whether she’s wrong for giving items to people she prefers rather than honoring an unspoken “first to comment” rule. Read the full story below.

‘ AITAH for never giving away anything to my neighbor?’

For context, I live in a very large upper middle class neighborhood. There are 1500 homes and we have several Facebook groups. People give stuff away all the time, sell stuff, offer services, ask for help etc. We have a very friendly and generous neighborhood.

About a year ago when I was 1 month postpartum I decided to give away all the formula samples we received in the mail and from the obgyn. I had about 8 small cans of various formulas and made the post. This neighbor, let’s call he Sara, was the first to comment on the post. I didn’t check the post but saw a Facebook message come through from a different neighbor and I responded to her first and she came and picked it up.

I marked the Facebook post as claimed and Sara messaged me and was very upset. She said she was the first to comment and she waited all day for me to reach out and that she really needed this formula. I apologized and said I responded to the first person who messaged me, not commented because I just wanted it gone and didn’t think it was that serious.

A few months later, someone posted that they were giving away a jogging stroller. I commented on the post and so did Sara. The neighbor giving it away quickly replied to me that it was already claimed and I went about my day. Later, Sara messaged me accusing me of picking up the stroller. I told her the neighbor said it was claimed and I didn’t even know where she was located.

Sara said she walked a mile (like I said we live in a big neighborhood) to pick it up and it wasn’t there. I told I didn’t take it and to reach out to the owner. Sara kept pressing me saying she really needs it because she walks around the neighborhood everyday and I kept telling her I didn’t take it. She finally left me alone after that.

Fast forward to today. I had a complementary museum ticket given to me from my work. It expires in a few weeks and I know I won’t make it there so I put it in our Facebook page for free. Sara was the first to comment followed by a few other people interested. My friend texted me that she saw the post and wanted it so I gave it to her.

I deleted the post and guess who messaged me? Sara. She went off on me that she was the first to comment and I picked someone else again. I nicely told her that a friend wanted it so I gave it to her. Entrance to the museum is probably only $15-$20. It wasn’t worth that much. Plus I’d rather it go to someone I know and like.

She went off on me and blocked me. Did I mention that I’ve never met this lady in real life? My husband said I’m the AH and I should’ve given it to her because she’s always looking for free stuff and I’ve never given her anything and she was the first to comment.

I disagree because like I said we live in a very generous neighborhood. I’ve never seen her post that she needs anything specific, she just tries to grab all the free stuff. So AITAH for giving my stuff away to other people instead of honoring the “first to comment” unspoken rule?

See what others had to share with OP:

Useful_Context_2602 −  Turn off comments on the Facebook posts and tell people to pm you. Problem solved. NTA

StyraxCarillon −  NTA. My FB Buy Nothing Group specifically asks that we do not give to the first person who comments, because it disadvantages working people and those without constant internet access.. Just block her and be done with it.

Edit to clarify: the group asks that we do not IMMEDIATELY give to the first person who comments. They request we wait at least 24 hours, and then choose from ALL the respondents in whatever manner we wish to use.

Dramatic-Jello1053 −  NTA. Unless your group has a first to comment/respond rule you can give it to whomever you want. 

k23_k23 −  NTA. This is where you just block her.

Worth-Season3645 −  NAH….In a group, usually, first person to comment gets the free item. But you did not know that she has commented before other person messaged you. As for the stroller, why does she think you got it?

Ticket is where you are TA. She commented but you decided to give it to a friend instead. You should have put it out to friends before posting online. That being said, what does she do? Sit by her phone and wait for someone to post?

QuirkySyrup55947 −  We have a lady who requested to be an admin so she could get the free stuff first… On top of it she (almost weekly) requests stuff. The whole page has become Sue HG’s craft project need bonanza.. NTA

pottersquash −  ESH. Please just block Sara.

MarthaT001 −  NTA I hate the people who constantly grab all the free stuff in these groups. Most of them are resellers.. Just block the witch in messenger.

hjo1210 −  I think she wants all the free stuff so she can turn around and sell it for a profit.

Burdicus −  Nothing in the post matters except this: Fast forward to today. I had a complementary museum ticket given to me from my work. It expires in a few weeks and I know I won’t make it there so I put it in our Facebook page for free. Sara was the first to comment followed by a few other people interested.

My friend texted me that she saw the post and wanted it so I gave it to her. Very very soft YTA. It’s your free ticket and yours to do with as you so please, but you basically offered it up to someone else just to retract it, and that kinda sucks.

In a situation like this, balancing fairness and personal discretion can be tricky. Should the user have honored the “first to comment” rule to avoid conflict, or is she justified in giving her items to people she feels more comfortable with? What would you do in her shoes? Share your thoughts below!