AITA Am I the a**hole for turning down $2000 and essentially excluding my family from my wedding?

A Reddit user (26F) shared her dilemma about planning her wedding while navigating the expectations and restrictions of her extremely religious family. The conflict centers on her choice of a Saturday wedding, which clashes with their beliefs, and her decision to turn down a $2,000 offer from her father to move the date. Read her full story below.

‘ AITA Am I the a**hole for turning down $2000 and essentially excluding my family from my wedding?’

My fiancé (31) and I (26) have been together for five years and engaged for three. We set a wedding date but had to postpone due to other financial responsibilities. We now have a set date for June 2025. We had a difficult time finding a venue so the second we did we made a deposit and set the date in stone. The date is what is the biggest issue with my family.

So for context, my family is extremely religious. I grew up in the religion and the second I turned 18 I left it. I live in the same town as my family and have not wanted to cut all ties so I try to be as respectful of their beliefs as I can.

They are against things like all jewelry, even wedding bands, strapless dresses and anything immodest, and so on. Dancing, music, and alcohol are also evil to them, basically all aspects of a wedding reception. I have even had emotional moments knowing that I will never have a father daughter dance because my dad is so against it.

Anyways, due to our schedule and many of our guests schedule, our wedding will be on Saturday, which is my family’s religious day. I have also paid the venue extra to reserve Sunday for clean up so that people can return to work by Monday. I have gotten grief about this from all of my family, including my sisters, because they feel that this is breaking their religious day.

This has been very irritating and one sister has been m**ipulative about it but I got through it and thought that they have accepted it. Well, that was not at all the case. I will also point out that our wedding is entirely on my fiancé and I financially and it is possible but definitely a strain.

I got the invitations made and sent, and I received a text from my father. He asked “is there any way I could you to change the date to Sunday?” I responded “I’m sorry but no” to which he replied, “even for two thousand dollars?”

I took this extremely offensively at first, like he was bribing me to change my wedding date, that he is able and willing to help financially but only if it aligns with him. After cooling down I gave a very diplomatic response telling him that I have already paid for the venue, and this would not be possible.

I also explained that I understand my families’ beliefs and I know that they will not be able to help with set up or anything, and will be there only for the ceremony as I expect them to leave before the reception. I also told him that he could give a financial gift at any time for our wedding or honeymoon on the fund I set up.

Quite honestly, I do not want any of my family at the reception because they will be uncomfortable and judging everyone the entire time. So am I the a**hole for turning down $2000? It would help immensely. Should my family be welcome at my reception? Should I disinvite them all altogether?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

pamelaonthego −  I don’t think people appreciate how hard it is when your family is part of a cult. No dancing or moderate imbibing? It’s not much of a party, now is it? You are just trying to have them present for the ceremony while still having a fun reception so you don’t burn whatever bit of relationship you have left with them to the ground. I think turning down the money was the right decision. NTA

MeMyselfAndI8480 −  Dancing and jewelry are sinful, but bribery is fine.

Basic-Regret-6263 −  Nah.  It’s fair that you decided not to do a Sunday wedding because all the other guests wouldn’t want to party on a work night. It’s fair that your family doesn’t want a Saturday wedding for their own religious reasons, and is even willing to chip in money to try and make that work.

It’s fair that you don’t think that the money is worth ruining a good Saturday night party for, and that any family members who can’t bring themselves to show up on Saturday would have showed up miserable and judgemental about the party aspect of the event on Sunday. Sometimes different people want different things.

Jerseygirl2468 −  NTA have the wedding you want, and if they feel they can’t attend because of certain factors, that is their choice. But have the wedding you want.

InValuAbled −  I come from a place where a wedding can stretch a few days.. So here’s a hot unpopular take. You’ve already reserved the venue for the Saturday and Sunday. Have the dancing part reception on a Saturday, but ask your dad to use that 2K to hire a cleaning person and set up a simple buffet style brunch on Sunday for the rest of the family. Booze isn’t allowed anyway, so it won’t be expensive.

That way, you can have the party you want, and your religious folks can also celebrate your nuptials. NTA whatever you decide, it seems like you are not interested in having your family around. But grudges over this type of exclusion last long, and life has a way of making you need your family for support at some point.

Is it really a hill you want to die on? Either way, it’s up to you and you’re not an ass for wanting your day your way.. Good luck, and congratulations!. 🫶🎊🎉🥂🎂

Weekly-Bumblebee6348 −  The love of money is the root of all evil. You made the morally righteous decision. Don’t let their hypocrisy sour your wedding day. NTA

Trick_Photograph9758 −  NTA It’s kind of disgusting that your family has strict beliefs, which can be bought out for $2000. Have whatever wedding you want, and if your family refuses to attend, that’s on them.

goldenfingernails −  INFO: You already knew your family would have issues with a wedding being on a Saturday but you took the venue anyway. Do you really want them there?

XXGodofChaosXX −  NTA. But I wouldn’t expect any of your family to show up to the wedding or the reception (they sound like a cult). Just have fun with your husbands family and enjoy your wedding.

PrintOk8045 −  NTA, and your Dad’s take on the whole thing, bribing you with a little pocket money, is just weird.

Balancing personal desires with family beliefs is never easy, especially when planning a milestone like a wedding. Was the user right to stand firm on her wedding plans, or should she have considered the $2,000 offer for the sake of family harmony? How would you handle such a situation? Share your thoughts below!