AITA for refusing to drive 3 hours to Christmas lunch?

A Redditor wonders if they’re wrong for refusing to drive three hours each way for Christmas lunch at their brother’s house. Initially, the brother didn’t want to travel due to traffic, but later offered to host instead—leaving the Redditor confused about the sudden change of heart. With health issues making long trips challenging, the Redditor questions if they’re being unreasonable. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to drive 3 hours to Christmas lunch?’

A week ago, I suggested to my brother that I host Christmas lunch at my place and have him and his wife over. He liked the idea of spending Christmas together, but said he didn’t want to deal with the Christmas traffic to get to my side of the city. Instead, he proposed that we celebrate on another day.

I was fine with that and suggested we pick a location halfway between us if we weren’t going to meet on Christmas Day itself. Fast forward to today, he called me after discussing it with his wife and offered to host at their place instead.

My first reaction was to ask if this didn’t just reintroduce the issue of having to deal with Christmas traffic—the very reason he didn’t want to come to my place. He immediately got defensive and suggested we just do our own thing for the holidays.

For context, my brother often drives long distances, while I rarely do. Additionally, I have health issues that make long trips harder for me to manage. So, AITA for not wanting to drive 3 hours each way for Christmas lunch—especially when he was the one who didn’t want to deal with traffic in the first place?

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

National_Pension_110 −  NTA. Relationships are about compromise. Are there any other extenuating circumstances? Like are they caretakers for small children, elderly or pets that can’t be left alone for a half day? Is there any mass transit available to help?

You make it sound like you live on opposite sides of a city—that must be a big metro area, so wondering if there are any trains, etc, that can make commuting easier? Good luck. If not, just meet over FaceTime or zoom, I guess.

Victor-Grimm −  NTA-Your initial response was valid and he probably got mad because when he asked his wife, she asked why they couldn’t come here instead? His brain probably shut off and didn’t compute the explanation he gave would be responded back to him. He is mad because he realized at that moment him asking that of you was stupid and should have never been asked. Basically, the light bulb came on and he realized he is an i**ot.

NearquadFarquad −  NAH but it does seem a bit unfair you were happy to have him drive 3 hours to you but are unwilling to do the same. In the end, it is fine if neither of you want to do that though

AnonAnontheAnony −  NTA, it’s not completely reasonable to drive 3 hours, just for lunch. I could see a few reasons why you may want to, or it would be worth the drive, but you would not be the a**hole for politely declining even in the absence of those reasons.. Invitations are not obligatory.

Sea_Firefighter_4598 −  NAH neither one of you really wants to make the three hour effort. That’s okay too.

tjjwaddo −  I don’t know about USA but in the UK the roads are very quiet on Christmas Day. However I still wouldn’t drive for 3 hours for a turkey dinner.

FlanSwimming8607 −  It was okay for them to drive the long distance but not you? Even if he is accustomed to long drives maybe it’s out of necessity and not because he “likes” it. Do your own thing or meet in the middle. Kinda TA.

SkyComplex2625 −  NAH – if neither of you want to drive then do your own thing as your brother suggested.

ChocolateSnowflake −  Slight YTA. Because you wanted him to drive 3 hours to you on Christmas Day. But are unwilling to do the same yourself another day.

bubblybabeee −  NTA. It’s reasonable to expect some compromise, especially since your brother initially objected to the same issue—three hours each way is a lot to ask without considering your health or offering alternatives.

Is it fair for the Redditor to decline a long drive on Christmas due to health concerns, or should family togetherness take priority despite the inconvenience? How do you handle travel plans during the holidays? Share your thoughts below!