AITA for not inviting my nephew on vacation?

A Redditor, who has been generously organizing family vacations for over two decades, decided not to invite their nephew to an upcoming trip after he repeatedly backed out at the last minute, costing them thousands of dollars. Their decision has sparked outrage among family members, putting future trips—and their relationships—at risk. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for not inviting my nephew on vacation?’

For the last 20ish years, I’ve planned a family trip. I love to travel and this is a way to include my siblings and their children (10 ppl) in my passion and a fun way to spend time together. I cover the cost of the tour and transport to the destination and they cover the tips/incidentals.

So far, we’ve gone to Turkey, South Africa, Viet Nam, Croatia, Panama, Mongolia and Iceland. It’s typically about $4000-6000/person and requires months/years of planning and budgeting. I poll the family on their availabilities about 18-24 months prior to the planned trip.

My nephew (late 20s) has RSVPed yes for the last 4 trips, only to back out at the very last minute (the week prior) such that I can’t recoup the cost of his fare and the reasons he doesn’t make it are never acceptable for a travel insurance claim. (work emergency (he’s an accountant), friend’s wedding, concert tickets, high school 10 yr reunion)

I’m currently planning a Galapagos cruise for October 2026 and decided not to extend the invite to my nephew because he’s so unreliable. Now most members of my family are outraged and, though not actually boycotting the trip, incessantly vocal on their displeasure at my ‘targeting’ my nephew.

I’ve tried to compromise by requesting that he give me a deposit with the plan that I return it if he actually comes but this only seemed to make people angrier. I mentioned canceling the entire thing and now only my younger sister is speaking to me.

She tells me that the family is in uproar about my “selfishness” and discussing “writing me off permanently” if I actually cancel the trip. I’m in tears and just don’t know what to do. I love my family. Was it a**hole move to exclude my nephew?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Human-Obligation3621 −  So in the last four years, your nephew has wasted somewhere between $16k and $24k of your money and no one in your family thinks there’s anything wrong with that?  They clearly think you have endless amounts of money and feel entitled to it. I would absolutely refrain from planning further vacations for them since they are treating you so badly.

His parents should be mortified that he has repeatedly done this and offered to cover any non refundable costs since he has not had the grace to do so himself. You are definitely NTA. How does your family treat you when you are on these vacations? How do they treat you over the course of your day to day life?

Their current behavior does not trend with people who are appreciative and gracious. It would align more with people who are selfish and entitled. The issue for your nephew is that he has no skin in this game. He did not find out about these conflicts the week before, he just didn’t tell you about them. Sounds like when it came down to it, he just didn’t really want to go on these trips.

Does he not realize you incurred nonrefundable costs? Did he accept the invitations or did his parents accept on his behalf without consulting him? If they accepted in his behalf, maybe they are reacting poorly now out of guilt bc this is actually their fault, not their son’s.

Assuming you still want to go on trips with these people, I would talk to him directly and explain all the costs incurred on his behalf over the past several years. Tell him that you will include him this year if he pays last year’s non refunded costs.

Tell him the date he has to let you know by if he intends to back out. After that point, he won’t be invited again unless he pays those nonrefundable costs. And by the way. This is all very disrespectful and not how you should treat someone who is giving you a free vacation.

Apart-Ad-6518 −  Of course NTA. I poll the family on their availabilities about *18-24* months prior to the planned trip. My nephew (late 20s) has RSVPed yes for the last 4 trips, only to back out at the *very last minute* (the week prior) such that I can’t recoup the cost of his fare.

What your nephew does is totally unacceptable. More so because you’re taking the financial hit each time. Despite that you’ve even been reasonable enough to suggest a compromise re him paying a deposit.

She tells me that the family is in uproar about my *”selfishness*” and discussing “writing me off permanently” if I actually cancel the trip. This is *massive* projection. You’ve done a lovely thing in planning/paying for these trips. You’ve kept inviting nephew despite being out thousands of dollars.

Let them pay for him & see how it feels to have *their* money sluice down the drain. The way your family are treating you is bluntly, disgraceful. They don’t deserve you & I’m so sorry you’ve been hurt over this.

Bunker_Rodz −  Let me get this straight… you plan, book, and PAY FOR an insanely huge family vaca every year. There’s one person who always wastes your money, you don’t want to waste money on them, and now your family is saying if you don’t CONTINUE to pay for the insanely expensive vacations, they will disown you?

Your family sucks. They’re, at best, entitled. At worst, abusers who are using you for your money and ready to d**p you the moment you aren’t useful to them anymore. NTA, tell them you won’t cancel the trip, but everyone can pay their own way. When they threaten to cut you off, say, say, “Nice, saves me the cash.”. Edit: Grammar. Edit 2: My first award! Thanks!

cassowary32 −  NTA. Your family has been using you. I would be so angry if a relative has consistently flaked costing another family member $30k over the years without reimbursing them. You’ve probably spent over half a million on trips with your family and they are treating you this way?

It’s time to make new friends and travel partners. Your family doesn’t care about you. They are only around for the fancy trips and your money. Otherwise they would have agreed to consequences for flaking.

ZaelDaemon −  You would the A Hole if you go forward with the trip as planned. Cancel the trip for everyone except you and your younger sister. Stop being used. NTA

Lizdance40 −  NTA. Your nephew has a clear pattern of behavior that is disrespectful and inconsiderate. If it were only one out of a half a dozen trips, but You indicate he has backed out every time.

I assume you have communicated to the other family members that every time you include him he backs out the last minute and the 4,000 to $6,000 that you paid to include him goes to waste. I’m also assuming that he cannot be added at the last minute.

BaileyAndBaker −  NTA. Sorry OP, you love your family but they appear to love your wallet rather than you. Calling you selfish for possibly canceling a trip after you’ve spent tens of thousands of dollars on them over the last several years?!? The audacity. I’d tell them that since they clearly don’t appreciate your generosity, you’ll no longer be extending it to them. They’re welcome to join you on the trip – at their expense.

If you do end up still funding the trip for everyone else, if they’re so adamant that your nephew be included, I’m sure between the 9 of them they can all chip in and cover his ticket. “Surely you won’t mind losing the money if you think it’s ok for me to lose it when he doesn’t show, right?”

And I’d inform them now that this will be the last trip since it is stirring up too much drama. For the sake of peace, you just think it’s best to stop so there’s no opportunity for discord.

pledgelemonclean1 −  NTA. You have stated your past frustrations and seem as though you are flexible and would allow him to pay up-front. Anyone that’s outraged is more than welcomed to pay your required deposit for him…and it’s pretty telling that they won’t. If they won’t cover for him, and are still mad about your position, then they can f**k off too.

Worth-Season3645 −  NTA….oh boy. Take me! Seriously, I think those boycotting just lost out on any future trips for the rest of their lives. “Family, I have generously included all of you on numerous trips, which not only comes with cost to me, but my time for planning and executing said trips.

You all are calling me selfish because I do not want to include nephew because he has backed out at the last minute of the last four trips? Knowing the dates well in advance? Knowing that I have lost ($ state actual cost)? But, somehow, he is not selfish?

And asking a deposit so that I do not lose more money because of nephew is also selfish in my part? So that I do not lose out on $ again? Are any of you willing to step up and pay what I lost? Or what it would cost for nephew to go on this trip? Are you willing to lose your own $ money if he backs out again? Or is it ok because you are not losing anything, but I am?

Who are really the selfish ones here? Thank you so very much for letting me see your true feelings. I have a feeling any future trips from now on will be that much more enjoyable”. And do not engage. They want to write you off? Sucks to be them. Take your sister and have the time of your lives.

Middle_Raspberry2499 −  You’ve spent $16,000-24,000 on tickets and beds that your nephew didn’t use? And your family is angry that you don’t want to keep throwing money away? You’re NTA.

The nephew is the A for never reimbursing you, and also for not saying to the rest of the family, “I feel really bad that I canceled on OP last year, and the year before that, and the year before that, and the year before that, so I said I would stay out of this year’s trip.” He’s in his LATE TWENTIES and he hasn’t taken this responsibility? What a l**er.

Was it fair for the Redditor to exclude their unreliable nephew to avoid financial losses, or should they have found another way to address the issue? How would you handle planning family trips with unreliable members? Share your thoughts below!