AITA for not taking responsibility for my husband’s daughter?

A Redditor shared a challenging encounter with their stepdaughter, Leah, who got into a fight at school. When called to address the situation, the Redditor was blamed for Leah’s behavior by school staff, the other parents, and even Leah herself.

Frustrated, they clarified that they were only her stepmother and denied responsibility. Leah and her biological mother later resolved the issue with the school, but tensions flared when Leah blamed the Redditor for her suspension. Read the story below.

‘ AITA for not taking responsibility for my husband’s daughter?’

For context, I’m 31, my husband is 34, and his daughter is 11. Me and my husband(Kyle) got married 2 years ago, after he divorced the mother of his daughter(Leah). Leah never liked me, and constantly had attitude towards me. I still treated her kindly, cooked, and even cleaned after her, understanding that the divorce hurt her.

Kyle works from 8am-6pm, so I was the one who received a call from Leah’s school at 1pm. The staff told me over the phone that she had gotten in a fight with a 13 year old girl. Knowing I had to deal with it, I drove over to her school. The principal, Leah, the girl, and the girl’s parents were waiting in the office.

The principal and the girl’s parents accused me of Leah’s behavior, saying that I was the reason she acted out. Leah was giving me attitude, also saying that I raised her like this, and I was to blame. Obviously irritated by these accusations, I denied all their allegations. Explaining that I was only her step-mom, and that I was barely involved in her life.

A few moments later Leah’s real mother(Sandra) arrived and sorted it all out with the principal. Leah was suspended, so I had to drive her home. While on the drive back, she yelled at me, saying it was my fault for her suspension, and I should’ve taken the blame. AITA for not taking responsibility for my husband’s daughter? (All names in post are fake to keep personal info safe)

Here’s how people reacted to the post:

Sure-Beach-9560 −  NTA but honestly, I think you should have taken a step back a while ago. You should never have been called to this meeting and – having been called, you shouldn’t have gone. It should have been only mom or – if necessary – dad should have gotten out of work early. . I’m going to be blunt:

At this point your defacto relationship with this girl is an over-glorified unpaid babysitter so dad can have her during his parenting time without either cutting down work hours or paying for childcare.

This isn’t the case with all stepparents. And maybe it will change for you and her. But while I would certainly be nice to the girl and occasionally make attempts at bonding, I’d walk back from any responsibility if I were you. 

SuccessfulDisk2021 −  About half the subreddits are people not taking responsibility for their own actions. While the divorce, Neanderthal DNA, teenage hormones, sunspots, the 12-team CFB Playoff in the Portal era, and the Great European Powers of the 1800s might have some degree of influence on her pre-dispositions…her actions are always her responsibility.

No you should not have taken the blame – she got in a fight and that was her choice. Your responsibility is to back the discipline of the school, feed/clothe her. Most likely she gets coddled, playing mom against dad and vice versa to get whatever she wants and avoid responsibility every other place in her life (very common in divorce situations) so holding her accountable is the best thing you can do.

Too many people loooooove the victim card more than life itself (then post about it on here – DAMN YOU ROMANS!!). If you don’t, later a professor, boss, or cop/judge will.

No-Wafer9781 −  NTA. This girl has two adult parents. I think it’s even a joke that you seemed to be her NOK if they called you first. It should be her mother’s number they have if her father works long days.

FitSprinkles6307 −  Are you the affair partner? You wrote he married you after he divorced Leah’s mother.

Thanatofobia −  YTA. For posting a b**lshit story. Next time, get AI to write for you, at least they make more consistent stories. /s

waaasupla −  Why did you go to the school if the bio mom was joining a few moments later?

BAT123456789 −  YTA. You married a man with a child who does not like you. They are a package deal. You have failed for that reason alone.

snarkness_monster −  she yelled at me, saying it was my fault for her suspension, and I should’ve taken the blame. Nope. No mam. She’s 11. She’s old enough to learn that actions have consequences. You should ask her why you would take the blame when she’s made it clear she doesn’t like you. Why doesn’t her mom take the blame or your husband? You are not the s**pegoat.

Homologous_Trend −  No school anywhere is going to punish a parent because the child claims they were badly raised. The child was always going to get the punishment.

SoapGhost2022 −  You married your husband as soon as he got divorced?. I smell an affair.. YTA. No wonder the kid hates you

Was the Redditor justified in distancing themselves from responsibility, or should they have handled the situation differently as a parental figure? How would you navigate the tricky dynamics of step-parenting in a similar situation? Share your thoughts below!