AITA for bringing my daughter to my own child-free wedding?
A Redditor recounts the fallout from bringing their infant daughter to their own child-free wedding, sparking a guest’s frustration when they were asked to follow the no-kids rule. The situation escalates as the guest’s child disrupts the event, leading to heated emotions and lingering doubts. Read the full story below for the full context.
‘ AITA for bringing my daughter to my own child-free wedding?’
So my husband (M29) and I (F27) just recently got married. We spend almost a year planning the perfect wedding, taking the right precautions, etc.. One of our first rules that we decided was that it was a no-kid wedding.
We wanted an environment where we wouldn’t have to worry about children running around, getting into things, crying, etc.. We made it very clear on our invitation that we didn’t want anyone to bring children under 14.
We did however decide that we wanted to bring our daughter (11 months), and I wanted to hold her during the reception and photo taking, and then have a family friend drive her home and wait for the babysitter to get there before coming back. Before we settled on that friend, we asked a few people.
One of the people we asked was my husband’s close friend, Darren’s, wife Jessica (fake names). She declined because she didn’t want to drive, which worked out fine as we were able to find someone else. So on the day of our wedding, after we told everyone several times about the no kids rule, she showed up with her 4-year-old.
I was obviously taken aback, but I went to ask her about it. She told me that “since I was bringing my kid, it was okay if she took hers”. Honestly, I was furious. I tried to stay calm and tell her that this is a child-free wedding and she can’t let her kid run around, but if she took her kid home she was welcome to come back.
She started yelling at me about how since I had a kid it wasn’t fair that she couldn’t have hers. Her son at this point was already climbing on things, as she just let him run free. I told her that this was her last chance or she’d need to leave. She rolled her eyes, sat down in a chair, and just watched her son run wild.
Eventually, her husband Darren convinced her to get her kid and leave, but it ruined the whole first part of my wedding. It’s been a few weeks now and I’ve been thinking, maybe I am in the wrong? I said no kids at my wedding but brought my own. A lot of people in my life are also saying it was hypocritical at the least. So, AITA?
Here’s the comments of Reddit users:
HaveYouTriedNot123 − NTA. Your wedding, your rules. And, an unsupervised, unrelated 4 year old is very different to the bride’s 11 year old daughter.
BeMandalorTomad − I’m going to go with NTA. You never, ever assume your child is welcome to a wedding, especially a small child. Even if you know the happy couple is bringing a child of their own, it doesn’t mean you can bring yours.
Not to mention that your kid is 11 and hers is 4. Most 11 year olds I know can be trusted to behave themselves for a while whereas I know a lot of 4 year olds that don’t know what ‘behave yourself’ means.
That she doubled down and watched her kid run wild is a huge ‘s**ew you’. Appalling. Edit to add: I so misread. Op’s child is 11 months, not 11 years. My point remains that you never assume your kid is welcome at a wedding. But oh, I had a good laugh at myself when I realised why OP wanted to hold their child in the pictures.
No_Philosopher_1870 − NTA. Reading the early part of your post, I figured that the baby would be there for at most an hour for picture-taking purposes. It’s your wedding, so childfree me would be willing to cut you some slack on bringing the baby.
An 11-month old baby is a lot less active than a 4-year old child who appears to have no discipline at all. That you put a condition of not having children under 14 on the invitation that your friends accepted should have protected you from Jessica bringing her child,
That’s the invitation that she accepted, and she shouldn’t have unilaterally decided to bring her child just because you were bringing your child to the wedding briefly for photos.
1randomaustralian − NTA. Bride and groom always has the right of exception to any rule they make for their wedding, ESPECIALLY for their own child that is being included in the ceremony.
snarkness_monster − “since I was bringing my kid, it was okay if she took hers”. The difference is, it’s your kid and your wedding.. it wasn’t fair. Well, life isn’t fair, Jessica. Sorry! You and your kid need to learn that now.. NTA at all.
Otherwise_Degree_729 − NTA. I probably would reconsider the friendships. At this point is not about the rule is about the disrespect.
It’s your wedding, her child being there and your child being there aren’t on the same universe.
You wanting your child there for a couple of photos is one thing, her bringing her toddler and letting him run around free, I don’t have words for it. To top it off she had the audacity to yell at you.
Strong_Arm8734 − The ONLY people exempt from a child free rule are the HOSTS. In the case of a wedding that is the bride and groom. NTA
Intelligent-Ad7184 − No my friend did the same a few years ago. I was a bridesmaid and nobody brought their kids including me or some of the other bridesmaid, but their son was in the wedding… nothing wrong with that
R0ck3tSc13nc3 − Firstly it is your own wedding. You can make up the rules. Only people you want only kids you want are allowed to come. No one else. No ifs ands or buts. That person who brought a 4-year-old, send them out. Block them from coming in and they’re not going to be people you know anymore. Too entitled too ridiculous
mrtnmnhntr − INFO: Where were your husband and Darren in all this? Darren is your husband’s friend, and surely Darren knew his wife was bringing their child to a childfree wedding.
Do you think the bride’s exception for her own child undermined her no-kids policy, or was it reasonable given her role in the wedding? How would you handle enforcing rules at a big event like this? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments below!