AITAH for using the word “consent”against my mother ?
A 14-year-old Redditor recounted an ongoing conflict with their mother over haircuts and personal boundaries. When their mother disregarded their haircut preferences and repeatedly ignored their requests to stop offering to brush their hair, they used the word “consent” to express their frustration. The strong language upset the mother, leading to a heated exchange. Read the story below!
‘ AITAH for using the word “consent”against my mother ?’
I (14F) have wavy, frizzy hair that’s always been a pain to maintain whenever it’s short ( let’s say above my shoulders) about 2 years ago now was when my hair was at it’s longest and it was easier to maintain, I got it cut because my mom (44) didn’t want me to have longer hair, being 12 at the time, I didn’t care so much and got it done.
(I was on vacation when this happened) Fast forward to around September 2024 after me and my sister (9) had just gotten haircuts, and I think it’s safe to say that we are both responsible when it comes to asking for the appropriate haircuts.
However we noticed that our hairdresser had cut our hair shorter than requested, this was the second time that had happened and I asked my mom if she could ask the hairdresser to not cut off as much hair because both my sister and I didn’t want to come off as rude.
That’s when she admits that she tells the hairdresser to cut our hair shorter on purpose because she likes our short hair. My sister and I were both livid, and I told her that we were both old enough to ask for a simple trim.
Since then my mom has offered to plait my hair after I wash it, and I have politely declined the offer, yet she keeps asking me in particular if she could brush my hair, and I still say no.
But she is still asking, and at this point I’m getting really sick of her requests despite me saying no, so the next time she asked me about her brushing my hair I say “no I don’t consent to that” my mom gets upset that I used that kind of language against her, I told her that I was only using strong language because she wasn’t listening to me at first and I said that I have to say what I really mean, but she still gets mad at me.. AITAH?
Check out how the community responded:
Nester1953 − Your body, your hair, your right to withhold consent to be touched in any way that you don’t welcome. Perhaps if your mother hadn’t gone behind your back and given your hairdresser instructions that contradicted your stated wishes, you’d be less sensitive in this area. But as it stands, your sensitivity and strong, assertive language are completely justified.. NTA
dryadduinath − NTA. Consent isn’t strong language. It’s just accurate. Your hair is a part of you, you get to say no, and you get to respond when it feels like she’s trying to wear you down. Actions have consequences. When we bettay a trust, we have to work to rebuild it. We can’t just demand it back.
Key-Designer-1155 − NTA. Anyone who gets like this about the word ‘consent’ is the a**hole because it usually means they don’t want to hear ‘no’ and want full control. You’re 14 and entitled to autonomy over your own body (as anyone is at any age of their life).
oeroisme − lmfao your mom only thinks it’s strong language bc she wants to push your boundaries and still sees you as an extension of herself rather than your own person. NTA keep defending yourself and if your mom doubles down or pushes harder then you’ll know you can’t trust her.
chubbyintrovert − NTA. Use the term ‘boundaries’ too.
teiubescsami − Don’t brush curly hair.
blueavole − This is why so many women have problems setting boundaries in their adult lives: because someone in their family teaches them that love comes with crossed-boundaries and a lack of respect.. She can be mad about it. NTA
endor-pancakes − NTA. It _is_ strong language, but it was warranted to get your point across: at 14yo it’s your own hair and you’re more than within your rights to assert your veto over whichever hairstyle she’s pushing. You’re not her dollie.
pfkozmo − NTA – as a parent, it’s easy to fall a few steps behind when our kids are growing up. Every once in a while we need our kids to remind us that they are growing up. Good for you for standing up for yourself – establishing boundaries, especially with those with authority, will serve you well.
Joubachi − NTA big time! She is *upset* that you set boundaries for your own body??? That is wrong on so many levels… No means no. And your mother disrespecting this is horrible. If she was a good mother, she’d celebrate a kid/teen being able to set boundaries in such a firm way. It’s really good you stand up not just for yourself but also for your younger sister. It’s just sad you have to do so against your mother …
Was the teenager justified in using the word “consent” to establish her boundaries, or was the language too harsh for the situation? Should the mother respect her growing independence, or does she have a point in being upset? Share your thoughts below!