AITAH for sending my sister flowers anonymously and making her husband upset?

A Redditor shared a heartfelt gesture gone wrong when they sent their sister flowers anonymously to cheer her up. The unexpected delivery caused a major misunderstanding with her husband, leading to accusations and fights. Read the story below!

‘ AITAH for sending my sister flowers anonymously and making her husband upset?’

I (M, 37) have always been close to my sister (F, 35).  We talk regularly, and during one such conversation, she told me she’s been feeling really depressed / o**rwhelmed lately.  As we were talking, I could tell she was holding back tears.  So I decided to do something nice for her.  I contacted a local florist and put in an order for some flowers.  I had them delivered to my sister’s place of employment with a note reading “Thinking of you.”

A few hours later, the florist called me up and told me a man has been calling them non-stop and demanding they tell him who sent his wife flowers.  They tried to explain that it was against their policy to reveal that information, but the man wouldn’t talk no for an answer.

Apparently he became so aggressive and threatening over the phone, the shop called me up and asked my permission to reveal the name of the sender to the man.  The man being my brother-in-law.

It turns out, my sister had called her husband and thanked him for the flowers.  He told her he hadn’t sent any flowers and accused her of having an affair.  He believed her affair partner had sent them to her, which is why he called the florist like a l**atic, demanding names.

Now my sister is more depressed than ever and she’s been fighting with my brother-in-law ever since.  My friends think I should’ve included my name on the card.  Had I done that, they say, this blow-up would’ve never happened.  I say it’s my brother-in-law to blame, as he was the one who can’t control his temper.  So reddit, am I the a**hole?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Worth-Season3645 −  ESH…So, I am not sure how anyone thinks sending anonymous flowers to a married woman would end up well. You are 37. Old enough to know better. Sister thinks husband did a nice thing for her, turns out husband did not. Who did?! Why did you not sign the card?! Have you told them it was you?

Husband is an all around j**k for flying off the handle right away. Why assume wife/sister is having an affair right off the bat? I have a feeling sister is depressed because of him. (Oy! So many responses to my take on this…

1 – I do not think Sister is TA in anyway.

2- I do not think OP had ill intentions, (and I get why he was trying to do a good thing, just personally, I don’t get why he would not say the flowers were from him), but personally, I have not nor do I know anyone that would send flowers unknown to anyone that the receiver would not have known who they were from. The last time that happened, was Valentines, in high school. Does not mean it cannot happen.

3- I don’t think anyone should automatically assume that anyone was having an affair because they did receive flowers anonymously.

4-The husband is the biggest TA for his reaction and how he handled everything. Blew things way out of proportion.

5-I agree with another poster. OP, please talk to sister alone to try and gauge if this is normal behavior for husband? Is this why she is depressed? And I would definitely be looking at BIL differently and doing a little detective work of my own

Usrname52 −  Even if husband gently/kindly said it wasn’t him….where does that leave her? Calling everyone she knows, not knowing who sent them? Begging the florist to tell her so she can say thank you? Eventually calling you to vent about how she got these flowers and she doesn’t know from whom so that you can be like “Surprise, I am the best!”

Maybe she would feel like it was a stalker/someone with a crush on her, and feel really uncomfortable. I’m assuming you know your BIL and this isn’t 100% out of character. But, even if he isn’t usually prone to rage, most people would at least feel comfortable/somewhat suspicious.

4th_chakra −  My friends think I should’ve included my name on the card.  Had I done that, they say, this blow-up would’ve never happened
You set the stage, and this is the fallout.

If you wanted to give an emotionally uplifting bouquet..great! But why didn’t you tell her it was from you? Now my sister is more depressed than ever and she’s been fighting with my brother-in-law ever since And when things blew up, you still kept your silence, and watched Rome burn.. YTA

evildore −  ESH It’s obvious why BIL is an ass, so I won’t even get into that. As others have said, you should have known this could cause strife in your sister’s marriage, even if you didn’t know the degree to which your BIL would pop off. However, I want to point out, how you set your sister up. She has been depressed lately and got flowers with a sweet note, “Thinking of you.”

She was probably excited to have received such a sweet gesture from who she thought was her husband. Can you imagine how gutted she must have felt when he told her they weren’t from him? And now she’s gone from happy/excited to have gotten flowers to being yelled at and accused of cheating from her AH husband.

You probably meant well (but honestly should have known better), but you set your sister up and she’s probably more depressed now than she was before you did anything. That’s also a creepy note to include anonymously.

Optimal-Bag-5918 −  I am confused why you didn’t just put your name? Like wtf is it a weird secret you sent your sister flowers? Not saying the husband’s response was 100% appropriate but you made a sweet gesture into a weird drama because you weirdly and anonymously sent her flowers with “thinking of you”? Just send a “*Hey sis… here are some flowers because I have been thinking of you”* and go about your day ahah

Usrname52 −  ESH. You are being willfully ignorant if you think that the assumption wouldn’t have been her partner. For her, and for everyone in her office. There were definitely people saying to her “Aww, your husband is so sweet,” etc. If she knew, she could have just said “Yea, he is, but these are actually from my loving brother.” But she’s stuck thinking “I have no idea who the f**k sent these to me.”

Of course her husband is going to be caught off guard by it, and as random flowers are often considered romantic, upset. And she is going to have no response. Husband is the AH for raging at the florist.

StruansNobleHouse −  It’s close to being E.SH, but falls into YTA territory because flowers from an unknown person saying, “thinking of you,” is definitely suspicious. You can easily rectify the situation, but are sitting on reddit asking for how to rectify the situation.

overburnz1982 −  YTA so you send a married woman flowers with a card saying “thinking of you” with no name, what would be your reaction if it was your wife receiving them?! Just come clean and solve the mess you created! How old are you 5? Unless you are in love with your sister and secretly want your brother in law out of the picture! Where are you from? Alabama?

WerewolfParking4355 −  You’re not the a**hole. Your intention was kind and thoughtful. It was your brother-in-law’s insecurity and overreaction that caused the problem. Including your name on the card might have prevented the initial misunderstanding, but it wouldn’t have stopped his aggressive behavior.

It’s unfortunate that your sister is caught in the middle of this. Perhaps you could offer her support and comfort during this difficult time. Maybe even have a conversation with your brother-in-law to try to calm him down and explain the situation. Remember, your intention was pure, and you shouldn’t feel guilty for trying to do something nice for your sister.

Remarkable_Dust3450 −  YTA (Really YT I**ot) Sending flowers to your sister was always going to have that reaction. Would you be good with guys sending your wife/gf flowers anonymously? This is why you include a name. Otherwise its always questions of who is sending them and why, He will think its an affair, she will think its some c**ep/stalker. Either way bad idea.

Was the Redditor wrong for sending anonymous flowers and inadvertently sparking conflict, or does the blame lie with the husband for jumping to conclusions? How would you handle this situation? Share your thoughts below!