AITA for not giving any of my “inheritance” from my grandparents to my stepbrother to pay for college?

A Reddit user (20M) is facing pressure from his father and stepmother to use his inheritance from his late grandparents to help pay for his stepbrother’s college expenses. The inheritance was given to him as a form of support after his mother passed away, and he decided to use it for a future home rather than college.

His father and stepmother, frustrated by their financial struggles, asked him to give at least $50,000 of it to his stepbrother, but he refused. His stepbrother then texted him, accusing him of being selfish for not sharing the money. Read the full story below to understand the complexities of this family disagreement.

‘ AITA for not giving any of my “inheritance” from my grandparents to my stepbrother to pay for college?’

Because my mom died when I (20m) was young my grandparents, meaning her parents, set aside a decent amount of money for me and gave it to me when I turned 18 as an “inheritance” of sorts. They said to consider it money my mom would have left me if she’d been older and had more to leave me.

They told me to use it for college or to use it for my future. I went into an apprenticeship instead of going to college. I decided the money can go toward a house for me and my future partner in the future.

My dad knows about the inheritance and he was unhappy with my grandparents keeping him out of it. He told them it should have been something discussed especially when he remarried and he became a stepdad and a dad to more kids.

My dad and his wife had a lot of crap going on in the last three years. My stepbrother is graduating in May and he wants to go to college. He doesn’t meet the criteria for a scholarship, financial aid won’t cover a lot for him and they can’t help him out much with student loans because of the last three years.

So my dad and his wife asked me to give him at least 50k out of the money I have. Though they made it clear they felt I could/should be willing to give it all so he has a chance to proceed like he wants to. I told them I wasn’t giving any of the money for him to go to college.

My dad’s wife stormed out. Dad stayed and tried to tear me a new one for my decision but I shut him down and asked him to leave. I told him I did not want to hear him yell at me for not giving my money away. He said it’s to help one of my siblings go to college.

They tried adding pressure for me to change my mind but I replied no one time to each of them and then didn’t reply again. My stepbrother texted me last night and said I sucked for hogging all that money. He said I got a lucky deal with grandparents who gave a crap and he never got that and then I get all this money and I don’t even use it for college. He said he always thought I was his big brother but I’m just a selfish asshat.. AITA?

Check out how the community responded:

Shichimi88 −  Nta. Block them. Use it for your own future. Your grandparents were smart to keep it out of reach of your dad.

Successful-Citron506 −  Stand your ground, NTA. The key is to let them know you’re going to shut down the conversation immediately with any family member who brings it up, and hold that boundary.

SmoochNo −  NTA. What an entirely s**tty thing for your step brother to say. You have this money because your mother is dead. That is not lucky. He gets to have his mother still living. That is lucky. He has options like community college and instate schools. And after that comment I wouldn’t give a cent (wouldn’t before that comment either, just FYI,m but absolutely not after saying something as tacky and heartless as that. 

Snackinpenguin −  Your stepbrother isn’t even related to your maternal grandparents. They didn’t save just to have it go to a stranger. No. NTA.

shammy_dammy −  NTA. Those kids are not your mother’s kids. They are not your grandparents’ grandchildren. They are the kids of your father’s wife…not related to them in anyway.

Ominymity −  NTA – there’s nothing “lucky” about your mother dying young & it was thoughtful of your grandparents on her side of the family to put this money aside for you. I hope whatever you use it for makes you feel loved.
It might have been a different story if you were close with your stepbrother & he had asked you directly for some form of help, but as it stands it would be a hard no from me also…

And I think it’s admirable to acknowledge that life may have been rough recently for your Dad & his wife, but it was wrong of them to demand you give up a gift (especially a heartfelt consolation for the time you didn’t get to have with your mother) purely to help your stepbrother & by extension make things easier for them.

Stepbrother’s mom is alive- and while I wouldn’t necessarily characterize her as a gift that keeps on giving from this situation- she is around to help guide him, find resources, and generate additional income. If they are worth keeping in your life they will realize they are in the wrong and accept your decision.

DefDemi −  Your step brother can get loans and he can work part-time and study part-time. Your mother’s parents gave you the money. No one else but you is entitled to it. Why doesn’t his Mom or your father get a second job. Why are they having kids when they can’t afford them. Tell them to get stuffed. You lost your mother. No amount of money makes up for that.

Rowana133 −  NTA. They had, how many years to plan for his college? What was their plan if your grandparents didn’t give you that money? They should just act like you didn’t get any money because *gasp* it’s NOT THEIR MONEY! It’s money you got because your mom died, and I think it’s incredibly rude, selfish, and inconsiderate for your money grubbing family to squabble over it like vultures. Shame on them. Stand your ground. Be smart with that money and set yourself up for success.

Perimentalpause −  NTA. This is money that you got IN PLACE OF your mother. That’s your grandparents doing what they felt they could to make up for her loss. It’s strictly for you from ‘her’, and if she was still here, you’d have that money and possibly no siblings, or other siblings, or whatever, but you’d have her. The excuse of family as the reason to do things for them when you have something they want is b**lshit.

How dare your father shame you over not wanting to give away what little your grandparents could do for the loss of their daughter, your mother. He seems to have forgotten where that money came from and why, and demanding you give it over to ‘your siblings’ is a crap answer. “I’d rather have her than the money, but since I don’t have that option, I’ll have the life I hope her money can help me with. You don’t get to take that from me or make me feel bad about it.”

Hairy-Capital-3374 −  NTA. This is exactly why your MOM’S parents did not tell your Dad.