AITAH for cancelling a date with a girl because she has a seriously disabled child?

A Redditor shared their dilemma about canceling a date with a woman after learning she has a seriously disabled child. Although the two had great chemistry and many shared interests, the user admitted they couldn’t envision a long-term relationship given the lifestyle restrictions involved in caring for her child.

They canceled the date, hoping to part amicably, but the woman blocked them, leaving the user questioning if they handled the situation poorly. Read the full story below to see the details.

‘ AITAH for cancelling a date with a girl because she has a seriously disabled child?’

So for the past 2 weeks I’ve been chatting with a girl online and we really hit it off. We have tonnes in common, she’s funny and absolutely beautiful… But over the 2 weeks we had been chatting and learning about each other, I started learning just how much it affected her life caring for the poor little guy.

Like I’m on the wrong side of 35, my sons nearly grown and I’m out here looking for the long term and as cuntish as it sounds, I just can’t see a future with so many restrictions. No holidays, no weekends away, not even weekends at my place… it just seemed like too much.

I ended up cancelling with her on the eve of our scheduled date and honestly I thought she would understand with the reasons I gave. I thought there was even a chance we could be friends, but she ended up blocking my number… so she obviously thinks I’m an a**hole. I’m just worried I might have upset her.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

Sea-Still5427 −  If you know you’re not up to that level of responsibility and commitment, you’re right to break things off.  I feel for her, though. If you think that load is too heavy for you to share as a partner, imagine what it must be like to carry it alone. Unless you were insensitive in how you told her, I’m going with NAH.

Jazzlike-Bird-3192 −  NTA for cancelling and not stringing her along. That said, you are unbelievably naive to think that you could tell her you don’t want to date her because her son is severely disabled and think she will still want to be friends with you.

Beneficial_Yam1362 −  There is no invalid reason for not wanting to date someone. It is completely up to you.

Spiritual_Tea1200 −  NTA – I turned down a dude for a date because he had a perfectly healthy young daughter. I was 27 and looking to settle down but NOT have kids. I didn’t want that life and still don’t – now 38 and happily married to another who prefers to remain childfree.

boltbrain −  You really should have done it before, not last minute.

Awkward-Tourist979 −  NTA. I couldn’t do it either. I have an autistic child and while I love him I look at all of the other autistic children at therapy and don’t understand how the other parents cope. With the exception of a few – I don’t think they are coping. One parent was hanging outside therapy because her 9 year old child had to touch every single car in the parking lot. I wouldn’t choose that life.  I know some people do and I commend them for that – making a choice.   But you only have one life. 

emryldmyst −  Nta but I’d have blocked you, too. Next time, just say you’re not feeling it but you wish her well. I honestly don’t blame you at all.  If I start dating again I’ll have a no minor kids, no adult kid living at home policy. 

Ancient_Water5863 −  NTA as a single mom I’d rather the guy just dip out early and before anyone gets invested if he can’t handle it. My kid doesn’t have any special needs or anything, and the last guy I dated I knew for ~1.5 years prior to dating, he was well aware of my kid and situation.

I told him I don’t introduce my kid until I trust someone and feel it’s serious (so never so far lmfaooo). He pursued me and gave me a whole spiel of how much thought he put into dating me and knows all the challenges. Allegedly.

6 months into dating everything was going well, then I brought up meeting my kid in the near future and he freaked out, apparently he thought we could be together and he would never have to meet my kid??? I dumped him immediately. HE was an a**hole. If he had been upfront about not being interested in being involved with my kid I would have been fine with it and never dated him to begin with.

rubymassad −  NTAH for not wanting to date- if you don’t have the space for the kid in your life you shouldn’t date him mom, and you definitely have to be honest about it. However, Y kind of TAH for expecting her to be just plain cool with it and still want to be friends. Y’all are too old for that noise. Just move on and shake it off and she will be better off too. The situation is selfish and difficult on your part, but it doesn’t make it wrong.

Also, if her daycare situation is difficult she might have had to pull a lot of strings to go on the date. If your conversations were going well, she was likely looking forward to the date and just getting out of the house and doing something for herself for once, so she’s gonna be miffed and 100% has a right to be. I’d block you too and lament for a while.

Also I’m a 44 year old single mom who went through dating with a kid in late 30s/early 40s so I have some insight on her brain here. I blocked everyone that isn’t work out I didn’t think them AHs exactly I just don’t want the temptation and with the way men like to breadcrumb or turn women into friends with bennies after rejecting them I don’t take the risk anymore.

EtonRd −  You obviously upset her if she blocked you, I don’t understand when you say you’re worried that you might have upset her. There is no might about it, you absolutely upset her, and therefore she blocked your number. She was upfront about her child and her responsibilities and the more you learned, the more you realize you had no interest in getting involved with someone who had those type of responsibilities and that type of child.

You were honest about it, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt to hear it. You did the right thing by being honest, and also it hurt her feelings and disappointed her, both things are true. You’re not the a**hole, but neither is she. She’s allowed to be disappointed. She’s allowed to be frustrated and she’s allowed to be hurt.