AITAH for refusing to go on a family trip unless they disinvite my nephew’s friend?

A Redditor is caught in a family dispute after refusing to join a traditional holiday trip because their nephew invited a friend who has relentlessly bullied their daughter. Despite the nephew’s friend’s troubled home life, the Redditor prioritizes protecting their daughter, who has endured emotional and physical harassment from this boy.

The decision has divided the family, with some urging them to reconsider for the sake of tradition and others sympathizing with their stance. Read the full story below to explore the dilemma.

‘ AITAH for refusing to go on a family trip unless they disinvite my nephew’s friend?’

The article has the next update at the end.

I (43M) am really close to my family, consisting of my siblings, their spouses, their kids, and my parents. Every year we go on a vacation this time of year for two weeks, and come back right before Christmas. We are supposed to leave a week from today. I am the divorced, single, sole parent to my daughter (15F).

She jokingly calls herself a nerd; she’s weird, she’s quirky, she likes anime and video games and Star Wars, the whole stereotypical nerd thing. She does get bullied at school, but since leaving middle school and growing up a little more she started taking it better, and mostly it stopped.

This one boy, who I will call Jeff (16M, presumably) and is coincidentally my nephew’s (who is also sort of an AH) best friend, is an absolute nightmare. I’ve talked to the school, we’ve had meetings with his parents, she’s switched around classes extensively, but he still goes out of his way to pick on Emily.

She has told me herself that she can deal with name calling, but it doesn’t stop there. He pulls her hair, rips her clothes, destroys her things, like this kid is a full fledged nightmare. They even got into a fist fight that they were both suspended for last year because he stole her backpack and put it into a full toilet in the boys’ bathroom.

When I was discussing plans with my sister, she brought up needing to buy Jeff a winter coat. When I realized he was going on the trip, I actually almost lost it. I told her admittedly without thinking that we weren’t going, and she began begging me, talking about tradition and family and blah blah.

I said no, I’ll eat my portion of the cost, but we are not going. After a longer conversation, I said I’ll go if they disinvite Jeff. We are well off and we are lucky to have grown up in a financially stable home with parents who are attentive and supportive, and for our kids to have done the same. Jeff was not that lucky.

He lives in a really unstable environment both financially and emotionally. This was apparent to me from the meetings with his parents, as his father did not care and his mother blamed my daughter for being evil; and these were multiple, separate meetings.

his is awful, and I’m sorry that Jeff or any child has to go through that, but I told my sister that my position still stands. The conversation went back and forth, mostly just her throwing excuses. Jeff has divorced parents, he grew up differently than us, maybe it’s just a crush (ew), so on and so forth.

When I reminded her of the fight, she said “I know, but Jeff needs this”. She mentioned how he needed a break from his toxic home life, and I respect that, but why does that mean I have to put my daughter in a house with her tormentor for two weeks? I told her I wasn’t changing my mind and went home.

Now there is pure chaos. My family is split, my parents are begging me to go, I’m getting texts near constantly. My daughter told me she’s not going if Jeff is going. She had a full blown panic attack over it. Maybe I’m looking for validation, or maybe I really need a wake up call and I’m just a selfish a**hole.

Update here: https://aita.pics/nvkwk

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

JMarchPineville −  Hold firm. I’d say, “since when does our family reward egregious behavior?

ImportantLog2 −  NTA, Jeff’s situation may be tragic, but your priority should always be your daughter, and it sounds like you’ve got your priorities straight. Stick to your stance. Jeff is not your responsibility, and asking you to sacrifice your daughter’s mental well-being for a child who has repeatedly tormented her is downright cruel.

I’m guessing he hasn’t even apologized and showed remorse, and they expect you and your daughter to roll over for him just because he has it tough. Time for him to learn a tough lesson not to take his problems out on others

Grn_Fey −  Absolutely do NOT go. Can’t imagine putting my kid in that position for hours and hours at a time with a tormentor for two weeks. That would be emotionally and potentially physically neglectful as a parent.

A lot of her strength and resilience likely comes from feeling protected by her parent/family. You do not want to stop her of her faith in you that you will always have her back.

Winter_Parsley_3798 −  Sincerely,  f**k Jeff,  f**k your sister, f**k the family that agrees with them.  Lots of people have hard childhoods. The majority of my friends grew up in toxic households.

My own mother had a heart attack and was put in a psych ward for a week before I was Jeff’s age,  while my dad was in Iraq. None of us ever bullied, harassed, or assaulted other kids. Nta, keep your daughters peace

swigbar −  Your daughter is being s**ually harassed. Those are the words you want to use. He is pulling her hair and ripping her clothes. He’s playing at rape. Go Ballistic at the school and your family.

Federal-Wolverine-52 −  NTA. I too would be beyond livid!! Under no f**king circumstances would I knowingly choose to take a holiday with my kid’s harraser. Good on you for setting this boundary. Please do not let them guilt you out of holding it!

peppersteak_headshot −  “My daughter doesn’t feel safe with Jeff around” should be enough. If it is not enough, you have terribly enabling relatives. Talking about family tradition? Where is the tradition where they invite a destructive and clearly unbalanced individual to a warm family event?

If Jeff “needs this trip” so badly, it’s more than a two-weeks-away thing will help. Put it on them if they’re really interested in Jeff’s mental well-being. Tell them to take the trip $ they would spend on Jeff and buy him some warm clothes, get some counseling, or start a small college fund.

There are tons of ways to better help Jeff than taking him and putting him in close quarters with your daughter. Also – off subject a bit – speak to a lawyer about your situation at school, and get some counsel.

A restraining order, a legal-type letter to the school, maybe just a phone call would get the admins to wake up and take your daughter’s safety more seriously.

Really-ChillDude −  I wouldn’t take my child to hang out with her school b**ly either. You will spend your time worrying, and your daughter will be anxious the whole time. Basically a horrible vacation for you 2.

Gileswasright −  NTA – say it in the group chat ***I am not subjecting my daughter to the boy that has been s**ual harassing her for years, I will also be taking note of those who support this boys s**ual harassment of their niece/cousin/grandchild and will act accordingly towards those people. Choose wisely***

Justherefortheaita −  Can you take your daughter on a different vacation so she doesn’t miss out? This kid who isn’t even family gets priority over a literal member of the family? Hell no. This poor child is being tortured daily and your family is like “oh well, he’s poor, boohoo”. Your family is wild.

Is the Redditor justified in refusing to expose their daughter to her bully, even if it disrupts family tradition? Or should they prioritize the broader family dynamic and work to mediate the situation? How would you balance family obligations against protecting your child? Share your thoughts below!