AITA for skipping Christmas presents for my sister, because it is like online shopping with a middle man?

A Redditor shared a frustrating situation about holiday gift-giving with their sister. After assembling a Christmas list and buying a gift based on her preferences, their sister changed her mind and asked them to return it and choose something else. The Redditor voiced that this made gift-giving feel transactional, which upset the sister. Now they wonder if they were wrong to express their feelings. Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for skipping Christmas presents for my sister, because it is like online shopping with a middle man?’

AITA for skipping Christmas presents for my sister, because it is like online shopping with a middle man? My (F32) sister (F34) created a group chat with me and our brother (M26) yesterday, asking for our Christmas lists for Black Friday shopping.

I assembled a list fairly quick and sent on, with some open categories like board games or wool underwear (it’s cold here), and some more specific links to things I want.. My brother did the same.

My sister also sent a similar list, with some open categories and like five specific links on it (with size, color etc). We discuss a budget and agree on 100$
This morning I ordered the bedding she wanted (right size and color), and one of the more open options. About 80$, so will top up with something fun I find before Christmas.

This afternoon she tells the gc she no longer wants the bedding as she has found and bought one she wants more. I ask her “if one were to hypothetically have already bought the bedding, would you still want it or want me to return it”. She said “I would prefer if you returned it and bought me something I actually want”

I told her “ok, but this is starting to feel like a transaction. Like internet shopping with a middle man” She got upset and said she was tired of getting things she doesn’t want or need, and that if I felt that way I didn’t need to buy her anything (but that she’s already spent 4 hours shopping today trying to get everyone the perfect thing, including me). I will of course give her a Christmas present, but AITA for saying this is ruining gift giving (which I usually love)?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

small-cats −  NTA. I feel like if you put something on your Christmas list and share it, you really shouldn’t go and buy it for yourself at that point. It makes more work for the person who now has to return a gift and buy something else.

Upstairs-Banana41 −  NTA all the way. What tf does she mean that “she was tired of getting things she doesn’t want or need”? She literally asked for the bedding, she can’t expect you to read her mind.

voyageur1066 −  This is the person one buys gift cards for.

Worth-Season3645 −  NTA…She gave you a list. She was shopping on Black Friday, did she not think others would? Let her return the item.

Ok-Position7403 −  NTA. My sibs and I quit buying for each other many years ago because after a certain point it just became either too difficult or too transactional. Not saying this is The Way for everybody, but we all felt like, at a certain point, if we really wanted something we would buy it for ourselves.

Receiving it as a gift just feels like payment for buying the other one something from their list. Easier to get what we want for ourselves and spend the budget on that gift for something else you like to do over the holidays.

Charitable giving, put it towards a good night out, spend more on your kids, whatever. It’s fun if you know someone well enough to be spontaneous and buy something that is not on a list, but it’s such a risk most of the time.

2wheelmoron69 −  The entire culture around gift giving is fucked now. Maybe it’s diluted by my memories but it seemed like a fun time of the year to give a thoughtful gift to someone you love. Now it seems like the entire culture is more about accounting to be sure you spent just the right amount on some pre chosen item and no one cares about just picking something special for someone special.

ncslazar7 −  NTA. She literally put it on a list of things she wanted. This is like a bride getting upset that you bought something off their wedding registry and said they don’t want it. Like, fo, this is your fault, and now you’re giving me attitude. You have to return an item because of her, and find a new one. I’m sorry she’s tired of shopping, maybe you should ask her to return whatever she bought you and get you something else.

shelfside1234 −  NTA, she wanted it one minute then didn’t want it the next; you aren’t a mind reader. This is why me and my brother stopped getting for each other

amdaly10 −  NTA. It’s incredibly rude to put something on your list and then buy it for yourself. You need to wait until after Christmas to buy yourself things off your list.

moominbubbles −  Why doesn’t she want both? Doesn’t she rotate her bedding whilst one set is in the wash? Either way she sounds insufferable.. asks for something then states it’s not what she wants & expects you to do all the leg work.. NTA

Is the Redditor justified in feeling like gift-giving has lost its charm, or should they focus on their sister’s desire for practical presents? How do you strike a balance between meaningful gifting and fulfilling specific requests? Share your thoughts below!