AITA I am refusing to get my nieces and nephews and younger brothers Xmas gifts am I the a**hole ?

A 32-year-old woman is refusing to buy Christmas gifts for her large family, including her nieces, nephews, and younger brothers, after feeling hurt by their lack of effort for her 13-year-old daughter’s birthday.

Despite living nearby, only one family member (her brother Chris) acknowledged her daughter’s birthday, while the rest sent minimal or no gifts or wishes. She expressed her disappointment in a family message, and Chris apologized.

Now, she has decided not to participate in Christmas celebrations or buy gifts for anyone who didn’t acknowledge her daughter’s special day. read the original story below…

 

‘ AITA I am refusing to get my nieces and nephews and younger brothers Xmas gifts am I the a**hole ?’

So this is my first post so I am going to jump right in .I 32 female have a very large family 8 siblings. My family are calling me a ahole because I am not doing Christmas with them this year. My mother is particularly upset saying I am causing drama and overreacting.

I’ve declined invites to light switch on which my parents throw every year ,Xmas eve party and am not spending out for Xmas gifts. I have also not sent out my daughters wish list this year.

This is because my daughter 13 (Sam) birthday was in August and despite my entire family living within a 5 mile radius of us only 1 of my family my brother 35 we will call him Chris gave my daughter anything for her birthday the rest did not even get her a 99p card.

Even after I message them on the day the only thing she got was a text message from my mum. And a Facebook post . Though My daughter is not on social media! Duringthe yea I had gotten all under 18’s birthday , Easter and even just because I saw it and knew they would like it gifts.

I have 2 younger siblings and 14 nieces and nephews all of my older siblings have 2+ kids . I fully support giving does not require receiving but when it comes to birthdays family should celebrate especially when it’s a kids birthday.

My partners female 38 family (my daughter is from my previous marriage her dad 43) all managed to send gifts and cards from a different country which made me feel so much worse. My family literally drive past my home on the way too and from work/ school runs.

The day after her birthday I sent out a very emotional message to the family chat explaining that excluding Chris none of them made any effort and that was a s**t way to treat a child and honestly it broke my heart. Still none of them wished her a happy birthday or got her anything.

Chris sent me a message saying how sorry he was and he arranged to come over the weekend after Sam’s birthday to make a big fuss of her Chris is a angel has always been supportive and even made time to visit us when we lived 2 hours away.

So I told them that I won’t be getting anyones family who missed my daughters birthday Xmas presents from us this year! So am I the a**hole for saying if they are not going to act as family I won’t be treating them as family.

Here’s what the community had to contribute:

Shadow4summer −  NTA. If they want to be considered family they have to act like family.

Perfect_Ring3489 −  Nta. They are inconsiderate and excluding your child. Id be taking a stand too

Trevena_Ice −  NTA. What do your parents answer, when they say ‘you cause drama’ and you answer something like ‘no, all of you caused drama for ignoring Sam on her birthday. Why should I make any afford, when none of you did.’

diminishingpatience −  NTA. They only seem to value gifts and time if you’re the one giving them.

Beneficial_Tap_2609 −  Did the family attend your daughter’s birthday party and just didn’t bring gifts? Also is the family expecting you to give gifts or are they just upset you aren’t participating in holiday festivities?

CupcakeMurder86 −  NTA. If they want gifts for the nephews/nieces and for you to attend Christmas as a family, then they should treat you and your daughter as a family as well. They didn’t even call her???

I remember when my birthday was on an odd day my uncles/aunts always called me and sing happy birthday over the phone with my cousins. It’s not the gift but the fact that they remembered and they called to wish to me. Out of those under 18, I’m sure some are teenagers who have their own phone.

They could’ve called as well or send a voice message, a video or something to your daughter.. They are very thoughtless. Make sure that you have a great Christmas preparation for your daughter though. It will be sad for her to miss out on fun because of your family.

HeatherAnne1975 −  NTA We are in a similar situation with my daughter. We have an only child, my husbands brothers each have three kids. Those kids are all celebrated and spoiled while my daughter is ignored or treated second class. The last straw was a Christmas gathering at my BILs house.

There were multiple nieces and nephews there, included a few kids of family friends. Every single there hit hundreds and hundreds of dollars of thoughtful gifts – sports jerseys, drones, custom blankets, designer jewelry, etc.

My daughter got a few age inappropriate things from the dollar store (eg, a coloring book and off-brand playdough from the dollar store for a 12 year old). My daughter held it together but cried on the way home.

I decided at that moment that my daughter would never be bade to feel that she was less than anyone else. So we stopped everything. No visits, no gifts. Nothing. I did not make a sink about it. We just don’t go to anything. Don’t send gifts. It’s not about trying to punish anyone. Or making a point.

It’s entirely about my daughter, her feelings, and the impact this treatment could have on her self-esteem. I want to show her that she does not have to accept poor treatment. And she is better than that. So, OP you are NTA. Your daughter comes first.

Lia_Delphine −  NTA I stop buying and receiving Christmas gifts about 10 years ago. Best decision I ever made. Christmas is now a very chill time of year.

Asleep_Scallion7352 −  Or -hear me out- buy all the kids pennywhistles.

teresajs −  NTA Your siblings set the precedent of not exchanging gifts.  They need to live with the consequences. Celebrate in the manner you and your immediate family choose.  You may find that you and/or your daughter prefer a quieter celebration instead of being with all the adults siblings, their spouses, and their kids.

Was this a justified reaction to feeling hurt and neglected, or should she have let go of the disappointment and participated in the family tradition? What would you do in her position? Share your thoughts below!