AITA for not spending time with my “friend” after they announced an abroad, unexpected visit ?

A 21-year-old studying abroad was shocked when a former friend, Nick, announced he was flying in to visit without prior confirmation. Nick, known for being unreliable and ghosting her during a tough time in college, expected to stay with her for up to two weeks despite her busy schedule, including finals and trips.

While they occasionally texted, she never gave concrete plans or invited him. Now, she’s conflicted about whether she should meet him at all. read the original story below…

‘ AITA for not spending time with my “friend” after they announced an abroad, unexpected visit ?’

I (21F) am currently studying abroad. I’ve been here since September and I leave in 2 and a half weeks! My freshman year of college, I had a friend (22M) Nick. Wild would be an understatement. Nick would always want to have sleepovers, go out on adventures, go party and flirt with guys, but would go MIA for days afterwards.

It was frustrating because we had so much fun when he was actually around! Second semester, my mental health got bad. Nick had virtually ghosted me. He moved off of my floor and had brand new friends. I dropped out of school and moved back home. I never heard from him.

About a year ago, he reached out. He’d dropped out too. We called maybe twice to catch up, and he never had a clear answer for why he ghosted me. He was still across the country though, so I brushed it off as just a casual friend to send songs, reels, memes, etc to.

We texted sporadically, mostly him spamming me, but I’d respond whenever I got the chance. He knew I was studying abroad and had mentioned wanting to visit, but I never took Nick serious because he never was serious! Concrete plans were never a thing for him.

I told him my parents were coming, then I had finals, and a trip, so I wasn’t sure about my schedule. He didn’t talk about it again, I didn’t respond for awhile because I got busy. But last night he reached out: he was at the airport, boarding a flight to come see me?!

He said he had no hotel, no return flight, so would it be a bother if he could stay with me for 1-2 weeks TBD?! I said no, of course. I’m furious! We never made concrete plans. I never gave him a yes, only a maybe but barely that.

I’m appalled he thinks he can fly 4,000 miles, drop back into my life, and stay with me, all after ghosting me during one of my hardest times, but I do wonder if part of me “led him on” with occasional texts here and there.

Some of my friends said to not respond at all, but I don’t know if I want to fully ghost him. I think I could stomach maybe coffee or lunch, but I have finals and friends and he just expects me to be his tour guide all of a sudden. I’m angry and confused.

Here’s the input from the Reddit crowd:

snarkness_monster −  He said he had no hotel, no return flight, so would it be a bother if he could stay with me for 1-2 weeks TBD?. 1-2 WEEKS? No, mam!
he was at the airport, boarding a flight to come see me?! He’s not a friend, he’s a user.

Of course he told you when he was boarding the plane. He knew there was a chance you’d say no if he asked in advance, so he painted you into a corner. Say no, and if he tries to come by, pretend you aren’t home. NTA

Beginning_Bit_6014 −  NTA. Avoid this person, you are only a convenience to him.

CarrotofInsanity −  He’s NOT coming to see you. He wants a free place to sleep; he’s going to be busy fluttering around your city without you, and will promptly disappear once he’s used you.

He NEVER planned this trip WITH YOU. He sprang it on you, expecting you to have no spine to tell him no. HE IS USING YOU. So don’t pick him up, don’t answer your phone. Let him go out of your life.

Dittoheadforever −  You’re NTA. Just say **No.**  You don’t need to give any reasons. 

Ok_Historian_646 −  NTA! Nick is sketchy! He has no return plans? Is he planning on moving in with OP? Who books a trip overseas and has no plan on how long their staying, no return ticket, and no place to stay?

I wouldn’t be picking him up at the airport. I wouldn’t be offering Nick a place to stay either. Honestly, at this point, I’d ghost him. Focus on school and your mental health.

ElleArr26 −  NTA. He’s using you.

Ipso-Pacto-Facto −  This is what happens when people are not clear. Be more clear. “Can’t host you, already told you I have finals & family coming. Happy to grab a lunch one day. If not, have a great trip.”. Users always find a way.

diminishingpatience −  NTA. Tell him no and tell him why. After that, it’s best not to have anything to do with him.

According_Pizza8484 −  NTA and I’d skip the coffee, he could use it as an opportunity to guilt you into letting him stay with you, claiming he has no money, no phone data, missing travel documents, who knows what excuse he could come up with?

A real friend respects your time and commitments way more than this and communicates with you to make plans that work for you both, and they don’t ghost you when things get hard, they’re there for you at both your highs and your lows,

not just when you’re conveniently studying somewhere cool abroad they want to visit for cheap. Seriously don’t open any lines of communication up, say no and ignore him like he ignored you, you’ll regret leaving even an inch for him to try to weasel his way in to just use you again 

Vivienne1973 −  NTA – he can’t expect you to drop everything because he calls to tell you he’s visiting *when he’s boarding the plane*. Tell him you’re too busy to see him, wish him a great trip and move on with your life.

Treat him as he treated you when you dropped out. You reap what you sow. He’s no friend, he is 100% a user. He’s reaching out to you now because it’s convenient for him.

Should someone feel obligated to accommodate an unplanned, inconvenient visit, especially from a friend who has been inconsistent and unreliable in the past? What would you do in her shoes? Share your thoughts in the comments below!