AITA for not welcoming my MIL & 10 other guest unannounced?

A Redditor found herself hosting an unexpected Thanksgiving gathering when her MIL brought ten uninvited guests, including her BIL, his new girlfriend, and several children. The original plan was for the group to leave on Friday, but they extended their stay until Sunday without notice.

To complicate matters, the MIL brought the user’s stepdaughter (18) with the expectation that she would move in permanently—without prior discussion. The user feels disrespected and unsupported by her husband, who downplays the situation. Read the full story below and share your thoughts!

‘ AITA for not welcoming my MIL & 10 other guest unannounced?’

Our family was scheduled to travel for Thanksgiving and our plans changed. My MIL decided 4 days before Thanksgiving that we should host at our home. Hosting included my MIL, her husband, my step-daughter, and 6 of his nieces and nephews, my BIL and his new girlfriend. All of these people coming to my home to stay.

My BIL (who has 14 kids by various women) lives about 7 hours north of us, while my MIL lives about 5 hours south. When my husband suggested going to her house, she threw one of her usual tantrums & he gave in and said we would host. The plan was for them to arrive on Wed at 12 and depart on Friday morning.

Wednesday, they show up at our house at 9pm. The BIL, & GF didn’t show until this morning, & they brought her kid. My husband was at work, so I spent the day cleaning & trying to keep the house entertained. It became clear as the day continued that they had no intention of leaving. I contacted my husband & explained what was going on & nothing.

Long story short, they’ve now decided to stay until Sunday. (It’s currently Friday night) They’re going out tomorrow, but will be back tomorrow night. I’m upset bc I feel like my husband should have taken control of the situation. He keeps saying things like “so what if it happens once ever few years”, “at worst it’ll be over on Sunday”, “you’re never happy when they come.”

I’ve tried to express myself, but he just keeps saying “this isn’t worth it to me”, it won’t happen again and g**lighting me I feel like. He says he understands my feelings, but he loses either way in this. As he said, this type of visit is never exciting, but I’m always accommodating enough.

I was prepared to host until Friday, not for this to turn into the entire weekend. I want my space, my peace, & my time before jumping back in to the world next week. He says I’ll have all day Sunday, but that shouldn’t be the case.

To put icing on the cake, she brought my step daughter (18) up here with the expectation that she’s moving in with us. She recently completed a certificate program in her hometown and they thought she’d have better opportunities here.

We hadn’t discussed this at all but my MIL informed me that they have been working on setting up interviews for the coming week. I don’t mind her coming, but adding an adult to our household without discussion is unacceptable. My husband tried expressing this, but it fell on d**th ears. Am I the a**hole for asking him to put down some boundaries and stop being a pushover?

TL;DR: My MIL invited herself and ten people to my house for Thanksgiving. They have unexpectedly extended their stay until Sunday, and my husband sees no issue with this. She also brought my step daughter with her to move in with us with no prior discussion.. Edit for clarification: I thought about a hotel but logistically it’s easier for me to manage the kids plans/activities for the weekend from home.

I love hosting usually, but I have made a point to not do anything out of my way esp after they decided to stay. I’ve been trying to handle the situation without getting n**ty particularly because it’s my MIL. I know myself well enough to know that emotion will become the driver and I will say things that can’t be taken back.

There are also a lot of kids and my kids in the home and I know from past experience, my MIL is not capable of handling things like adults without making a spectacle. As much as I want to lash out, I don’t want them to have a negative experience. Same with my step daughter.

I know she’s only following the lead of her grandmother. My husband has agreed we need to talk to her alone so we can explain things. I am really trying to respect my husband as the leader in our relationship but he isn’t giving me much of a choice.

See what others had to share with OP:

[Reddit User] −  Stop being the host if your husband wants to host let him clean let him cater to them. You just find reasons to not be home. Hell go get a hotel.

extinct_diplodocus −  NTA. On the face of it, you have a MIL problem. You really don’t. You have a husband problem. MIL couldn’t impose like this if husband didn’t allow and maybe even encourage it. He says he understands my feelings, but he loses either way in this.

Not a good excuse. You’re supposed to be a team. If he loses either way, he’s supposed to choose the way that doesn’t make you the victim. I suggest marriage counseling before this becomes an insurmountable problem that leads to divorce.

ExcaliburZSH −  NTA for being unhappy about a bunch of people coming and staying at your house. Seems like you have a bigger issue with your husband than MIL. His family seems like losers.

cannycandelabra −  NTA. But it’s unlikely he will change. Put some money aside and next year book yourself in to a BnB until they are gone.

Successful-Maybe-252 −  NTA. He cannot be at work and leave you home with HIS family. Of course he doesn’t care, he’s not doing any of the emotional, logistical, or actual labor of hosting them.

kassiartt −  NTA. First of all, I am so sorry that sounds really stressful. By the way he said, “you’re never happy when they come”, it seems like you have been expected to do this before? It’s clearly more than just not liking his family and that you have been disrespected by his inability to stay no to his mom before. You should not be expected to drop your whole weekend to cater for that many people!

I won’t say just out right leave him, but I would really start to reconsider my relationship if I had this kind of situation thrown on me. 10 guest is a lot and there was zero consideration for you, that’s a lot of food to buy, house to clean and people to entertain.

If your husband can’t stand up to his mom then stand up for yourself and if he or she doesn’t like it that’s too bad, you do not need to take this! You told him what the situation was and how you felt and he deemed that less important than saying no.

He cannot let this happen again and that’s the end of it. And she’s (step daughter) definitely not living with you if there was no conversation over it and you just don’t want it. Don’t feel bad- she and your MIL can figure it out on their own, they seem to make a lot of decisions by themselves anyways. Joke option: lock them out of the house after they leave to go out tomorrow night

Traditional-Load8228 −  Get a hotel room and take the rest of the weekend off!!

Dave1957a −  NTA you don’t have a family problem you have a husband problem. If he agreed for all his family to be there, then he should also be there to help, not d**p it all on you. You need to speak to him about boundaries. What about your family? Next time book a trip to see your parents or family and leave him to deal with his!good luck

EnfysMae −  ESH. You because you’re allowing this to happen.Your husband because it’s not affecting him,since he’s gone.So he doesn’t care. And his family,because they made all the decisions without informing you.

This is your house too. Tell them they all have to leave,today! Neither them stating the weekend nor stepdaughter moving in was previously discussed with you. This is unacceptable and if your husband has a problem with them leaving,he can join them.

Not sure why you are allowing them to walk all over you,in your own home. Your husband clearly doesn’t have a spine and it seems you don’t either. Either kick them out or go get a hotel until Sunday. Stepdaughter can’t move in until there is an actual discussion and plan in place.

PlantManMD −  JFC. Put all these people out. Uninvited people are not guests. If they won’t leave, call the police and have them trespassed.

Was the Redditor justified in expecting her husband to set boundaries and take control of the situation? Or is she overreacting to what her husband sees as a temporary inconvenience? How would you handle unannounced guests overstaying their welcome? Share your perspective below!