AITA for not “saving” the house so my brother can buy it?

A Reddit user shared a family conflict about purchasing a beloved property after their grandmother decided to sell. Despite plans to buy the house themselves, their younger brother, who currently lives there rent-free, also expressed interest in owning it.

The user feels pressured to invest now to keep the house in the family, but their brother and mother called them selfish for not prioritizing his wishes. Were they wrong to stand firm on their decision? Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for not “saving” the house so my brother can buy it?’

My(25f) mum, gradma and great grandpa all live on the same property. mum and grandma share a house, my great grandpa had his own next door. He sadly passed about 2 years ago and the house went to my grandma. Even before my great granpa dies, we talked that I would one day buy the house and half the property off my grandma.

We initially expected that would be when I’m around 30, but you can’t really predict the teath of a loved one that percicely. I had recently moved to a different city to be with my boyfriend, but he also agreed that we would move back once we are ready to settle down.

While my grandma was grieving and contemplating if she wants to sell, my mum sugested my little brother “Luke” (19) and his gf “Emma” (20) move in temporarily, so they can have some privacy, and in turn, keep up with chores so the house stays in good condition. (no renovations or anything involving money)

This year, my grandma said that she wants to sell the house next year, as she needs money for her own renovation. Yesterdy, I visited my family and grandma, mum and I set a date to discuss how we will proceed (cost, responsibilitie, etc).

Which is when my brother interrupted, saying he should be there as well, as he also has an interest in the house. It was the first I heard of it, but aparently, my mum knew this, because she said our main concern should be keeping the house in the family and that him and I can discuss at a later time who will live in it and buy my granda out.

I told them I intended to let Luke and Emma live there for free the next years, as I still want to focus on my career for before settling down, but I would not invest in something I don’t intend to make my own one day.

Property is expensive, and my bf and I want to start investing now, before there are major financial responsibilities (children) involved.
My brother argued that him and Emma lived there for some time now and it’s unfair to expect them to just leave once I decide I want to move back, but I told him the alternative.

Which is either he pay the whole sum (he is a student and doesn’t have any part time job) next year, or our grandma will sell it to some stranger. My brother and mum both called me an AH for beeing “selfish”, saying I would get the money back if he wanted to buy it from me, but for me, it’s also about the cuts in my lifestyle.

It would mean tightening our budget to pay off the loan, and effectively loosing money due to inflation. But it is true that I would be the only one able to pay my grandma so the house isn’t sold to strangers.

I don’t want it to not stay in the family either, but I feel like they are putting an unfair expectation on me and guilt trip me by calling me an AH. But maybe I’m in the wrong, so I’d like some outside opinion.

Here’s what Redditors had to say:

quats555 −  NTA. Let me rephrase their actual demand of you to the bare truth. “You have to buy this house for us to live in however long we want with no obligation to you except a vague statement about buying from you eventually. Because FAAAAMILY.” See how crazy that is?

Absolutely not, unless you are independently wealthy and have no issues with supporting your brother indefinitely. Given his response to your saying that you will want the house eventually if you are the one buying it — essentially “How *dare* you ask us to ever move out of OUR HOUSE before we want to” — I suspect you’ll never get him out.

Let the family do it in the process of selling it, or you’ll forever be the one labeled “evicted their own brother!”

giantbrownguy −  NTA. Your brother wants you to subsidize his life. Your family’s desires should be used to put you in a crippling financial position. Don’t let your mom and brother use emotions to manipulate you. And don’t come to a verbal agreement.

Being screwed on this can impact you for decades. If you’re in the US your BF may be unprotected unless he’s part of a contract or you’re married, so asking him to financially contribute is also an issue.

This isn’t some game and your mom has shown she is willing to play games to get you to do what she wants. You cannot trust them to care about your financial interests when you’re ready to sort it out.

GreekAmericanDom −  NTA. I am always amused, when people protecting their best interest are accused of being selfish by the actually selfish people who are trying to take advantage of them. Live rent free is a HUGE favor. No one should be entitled to it on the back of someone who can’t afford it.

Your offer is very reasonable and generous. You are in a catch-22. No matter what you do, your mom and brother will be disappointed, so sit down with your BF and figure out what is best for you and whether purchasing this house is the best decision for you.

Confident_Elk_9644 −  Nta, it seems like they are asking you to buy him the house…

One-Warthog3063 −  NTA. Gma needs money to renovate her house is the issue. Figure out how to do that without selling the house and the rest of the strife will evaporate.

sdswiki −  NTA. “You’ll get the money back later..” Later as in when hell freezes over. You’re right to be uncomfortable. Don’t sacrifice your future.

doodie_francis_esq −  Nta. They are absolutely putting an unfair financial obligation on you. The entitlement is unreal. My brother and I had a deal that when our mother passes, we will have the house appraised. He will remodel and renovate for as long as he needs or wants.

Since I will have no part in renovating or remodeling, when the house sells, I will get half of the appraisal cost, and he will get the rest. We will split the costs of selling and the costs of bringing the house up to code before the remodel. That’s fairness.

Ok_Expression7723 −  NTA. Why are you buying a house for your brother to live in rent free? Why should you carry a mortgage and pay rent where you’re actually living? Either it’s your house or it isn’t. Live there or rent it out with an actual lease/rental agreement. That way everyone is clear as to responsibilities and ownership.

But really I wouldn’t touch this with a ten foot pole. No matter what you do you’ll be the one “evicting her brother”. If you don’t want to live there now, just don’t buy it. Your brother never should have moved in.

C_Majuscula −  NTA. Honestly, now that you know your brother’s opinion on what he’s entitled to – living there for free and not leaving when the homeowner (you) wants to move in – I would let the property go. It’s not worth the hassle and likely future legal battle to have him removed.

Otherwise-Topic-1791 −  NTA. He wants you to buy it for him to keep.

Was the user right to prioritize their financial plans and future over their brother’s current needs, or should they have compromised to support him? How would you handle a family disagreement involving property and long-term responsibilities? Share your thoughts below!