AITA for refusing to help my friend with their project because they didn’t respect my boundaries?

A Reddit user, a busy computer engineering freshman, shared a conflict with their close friend “Alex,” who asked for help with a project. Despite agreeing to offer limited guidance, the user felt pressured when Alex insisted on more involvement, even claiming they were “owed” for past favors.

The situation escalated when the user refused further help, prompting accusations of selfishness. Were they wrong to set boundaries? Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for refusing to help my friend with their project because they didn’t respect my boundaries?’

I’m a freshman in computer engineering, and I’ve been working really hard to get my grades up and stay on top of my assignments. I’ve got a pretty packed schedule, but I’ve been doing my best to stay organized. A few days ago, my one and only close friend (let’s call them “Alex”) reached out and asked me for help with their project.

They’re not in the same major, but they knew I had experience with coding and some of the concepts we’d learned. I said I could offer some guidance, but I was really busy and couldn’t give them too much time. I told Alex that I could help them brainstorm and point them in the right direction, but I couldn’t do the work for them.

Well, Alex kept insisting that I should just do a little more, like helping with debugging or even writing a few lines of code. I repeatedly told them that I couldn’t, but they didn’t seem to get it. Eventually, they said something like, “I’ve helped you out before, so you owe me.”

That comment really rubbed me the wrong way. I’m all for helping out friends, but I felt like they were disrespecting my time and effort. I ended up telling them that I couldn’t help anymore, and they got upset, calling me selfish and saying that I was being “unreasonable.”

Now, I’m wondering if I overreacted. Should I have just helped them out because he helped me in the past and he was my only close friend in the university, or was I right to set those boundaries? AITA?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

dearesthannah −  NTA, like, if you’ve got your own stuff to handle, that’s priority, your time’s valuable too. they’re the ones disrespecting your boundaries, friends should get that. tbh, real ones don’t guilt-trip you like that

AwaySecret6609 −  NTA. The thing with assignments is that it is supposed to show what HE knows, not what the people he knows know. Reasonable expectations for help extend to what you have done. You have your own projects to do. Explain that you are doing all you can with the time you have available.

Wandering_Maybe-Lost −  You’re a FRESHMAN and you *already know how to set appropriate boundaries?!* Kid, you’re going places. And NTA.

inturnaround −  NTA. He’s using you and it’s fair to tell him no…unless the way he helped you in the past was to do work for you to this degree. But true friends don’t keep score like that.

Ask him what’s really up. His anxiety about passing this class must be really high if he’s lashing out against his friend. Push him to getting more help with peers or the instructor.

NeitherTourist9360 −  INFO: When Alex says he helped you before, does he mean that he’s helped you with previous assignments? Can you explain what kind of help Alex has given you in the past?

jcgreen_72 −  INFO: How did they help you in the past? Was it also a super busy time for them, but they did a lot for you anyway? Or are they just stressed and taking it out on you? 

Positive_Opposite540 −  To be fair, if you helped him much more it would be cheating. The project is to assess his ability not yours.

GothamAudioTheatre −  NTA. I was recently in a similar situation myself. There is a certain type of people who think that no matter how much free help you give them, they are always entitled to more.

Funnily enough, they usually have a pretty lofty idea how much their own time and work is worth, but yet they assume that everyone’s else’s time and work isn’t worth anything, so there is zero effort to return the favor.

EmpireStateOfBeing −  Info: What did he help you with in the past and was it even close to what he’s asking?

SavingsRhubarb8746 −  Doing parts of the assignment for them – like debugging and writing part of the code – is cheating. Setting a limit to how much time you can spend helping someone out is entirely reasonable.

And Alex is in the wrong not only for trying to get you to cheat, but in refusing to accept that you do not have unlimited time to teach, and insulting you when you pushed back.. NTA

Was the user right to prioritize their time and boundaries over a friend’s demands, or should they have offered more help out of loyalty? How do you balance friendship and personal responsibility in situations like this? Share your thoughts below!