AITA for refusing to go on vacation with a newborn?

A Reddit user shared their frustration about a proposed family trip involving a newborn baby. The user and their girlfriend have enjoyed affordable and active vacations with her sister and boyfriend for years, but plans for a costly ski trip with a 2-5-month-old baby sparked concerns about stress, safety, and fairness.

After voicing these concerns and suggesting alternative options, tensions rose at home, leaving the user questioning their stance. Read the full story below!

‘ AITA for refusing to go on vacation with a newborn?’

Me and my girlfriend (28m/27f) have taken a vacation with her older sister and boyfriend each year the last 4-5 years. We either go on a ski trip, hit a national park we haven’t seen, or just go hiking/camping in the Rockies.

We are able to make this trip really affordable only spending money on things that matter to us and we have a very similar taste in what we enjoy to do. I cherish this yearly trip and the memories we’ve made. A week or so ago her sister told us she was pregnant and told the rest of the family on thanksgiving.

We were all super excited to have a new family member next year! After we ate and were chatting my girlfriend mentioned we booked a trip to Costa Rica in February this led into talking about our yearly trip.

I had gotten sucked into another conversation with family members and when I sat back down with my girlfriend and her sister they say “would you rather go to Colorado in September or go in January to ski” and proceed to show me MUCH more expensive accommodations/rental car/flights ect to travel with a baby.

The baby is due in July so I quickly started crunching numbers in my head that would make the little feller 2-5 months old. I suggested we look into going somewhere much closer maybe a state park or somewhere in the smokeys.

We have a small camper.. Just take a 3 day weekend trip to test the waters of vacationing with a baby. I was immediately given the “im going to be strong mom speech and having a baby isnt going to stop me from doing things”.

I didn’t want to ruffle to many feathers at thanksgiving so I just ate my feelings of being disrespected and her being selfish (I felt the only input they really wanted from me was my debit card) and nicely said “I’m not going to book anything today”.

Once we got home my gf almost immediately mentioned the trip. We had a discussion about how I do not want to fly halfway across the country with a newborn, pay way more for the trip, be able to do way less/enjoy it less, use my vacation time, just be super stressed and how her sister/bf couldn’t afford this trip without us covering half..

Plus the selfishness/irresponsibility (IMO) of even putting the stress/risk on a newborn of flying, the cold, elevation sickness, hiking with a baby while elk are in rut (most dangerous time of year), driving on dangerous mountain roads, ect for us to take turns sitting in the lodge/air bnb so her sister doesn’t miss out on aspen ski pics this year.

She agreed with all my points and says if we were in her sisters shoes we wouldn’t be planning this trip. She is much more empathetic about her FOMO and thinks we should still go because it’s a “family trip” with the baby.

I again brought up going somewhere closer and more affordable for a shorter time. This trip is just ALOT both financially and mental stress. I’ve been getting the cold shoulder a couple days now starting to wonder is this a family obligation trip or to feed her sisters ego? AITA for refusing to go on or pay for this trip?

Here’s what people had to say to OP:

Kthaeh −  NTA. Regardless of the reason, there’s no justification for anyone railroading you into spending your money for any purpose, nor pressuring you to use your vacation time in any particular way. Aside from that, mom-to-be is entirely talking out of her ass about what her future experience of motherhood is going to be.

She may have an ideal pregnancy/childbirth/newborn experience. She may have the “easiest” baby ever. And she may well not. The fact is, she has no clue right now how all sorts of things are going to shake out or what she’s going to be capable of doing in the first few months after having a baby.

Asking you to pay more while getting less on top of the complete lack of predictability is absurd and incredibly selfish. Your gf’s sister and her bf are being assholes.

jcrodeghiero −  bwahahaha!!!! i’m crying laughing over here!!! oh the plans we make as pregnant women, so many plans, so many ideas & visions of a future that is so bright & cheery………then the baby won’t sleep…won’t eat….wont fart….wtf can’t you fart?!?!….& all those dreams go out the window & you’re in survival mode……..NTA……

Maximum-Ear1745 −  Why would you need to pay more in flights? Babies fly for free, and you wouldn’t be paying half of their flights anyway? Anyway, NTA. The dynamics of travelling with a young child is completely different to how you’ve been operating. Let your girlfriend go on her own if she thinks it’s no big deal

Ok-Position7403 −  NTA. All your reasons are valid, not that you need any of them. But it’s out of your budget is one they can’t argue with. Hold firm. Chances are pretty good that come closer to trip time, the new parents may regret booking.

Since they’re such good friends I’d give a bulletproof explanation even though you don’t owe one. “Sorry I need to stick closer to the budget we’ve done in the past. And once your baby arrives, your needs may change as far as travel & accommodations.

Why don’t we wait to book until we see what’s happening then, and we can plan the best baby’s first trip ever!” Sounds like they just found out about the pregnancy so haven’t really had time to wrap their minds around this yet.

Regardless, you’re not required to go along with their plans just because you’ve gone together so often. The trip could go just fine, or it could be a hellish misery.

amyloudspeakers −  NTA. Coloradan here. My other concerns no one has mentioned is that traveling with newborns can be risky given vaccine schedules and such. Some people take a baby on a plane right after birth, some wait until vaccines around 4-6 months.

Lots of germs on airplanes, especially after September. SIL may want to be carefree mom now, but after dr advice and actual birth who knows how she’ll feel about it. You’d all need your tdap and flu/covid shots to be in close quarters with a new baby. I’d also like to put on your radar the altitude.

Skiing in Colorado will be at a high altitude and that can mess with people’s bodies. Even adults are advised to spend a day or more in the city before going higher up in altitude. All babies born to folks in small mountain towns are on oxygen the first several months of life. I don’t know the protocol and recommendations for visiting infants.

knight_shade_realms −  NTA this is laughable and insane to do that to a baby. She hasn’t experienced pregnancy so she has no idea how hard that can be. Pregnancy can be a breeze or hell on wheels. Birth and postpartum, esp with a newborn is rough already.

And she wants to drag around a small baby to show she is *checks notes* a strong mom?? So she’ll be a negligent mom? That’s just foolish. And personally, you wanting to stay in budget is smart.

Frankly, I imagine that they will realize it’s not the best idea to travel like that and y’all will be out a ton of money for nothing. Or stuck with a miserable baby who isn’t yet sleeping through the night

Waterbaby8182 −  We took our daughter when she was six months old to her great grandfather and family on my dad’s side in Idaho. It was stressful enough with a six month old and she was *calm.* She was actually one of two babies on the flight (other was at the front of the plane).

When we landed in Boise, most of the passengers wete totally surprised when they saw our daughter and then the other baby. It apparently never occurred to them because both babies were silent the whole trip! But 2.5 months? No way. Especially if you’re EBF.

I didn’t want to go ANYWHERE but my house, my parents’ house, his parents’ house, or the doctor’s office until cold/flu season subsided. Those places were all within five miles of each other. Of courese, the measles and poertussis outbreaks in late 2012 when she was born might’ve had something to do with it.

Content_Speed_3477 −  NTA. Your sister is delusional. Newborn babies are so demanding… Whenever I had a newborn, all I wanted to do was nap in any “free” time. Not ski. I’m just wondering, does your sister actually know what having a newborn entails? Has she read books, attended classes, or talked to people who recently had a baby?

Calm_Initial −  Info. Did the costs go up because they want better accommodations? I would just explain their current plans are out of budget and while you would love to go on the trip you cannot afford that much of any increase in costs. Tell them they’ll need to scale back to your normal budgeted costs or it will have to be a no at this time.

MentionGood1633 −  Who is watching the baby while she “is doing things”?. NTA

Was the user justified in prioritizing practicality and comfort over an ambitious family vacation with a newborn, or should they have been more flexible for the sake of tradition? How would you navigate such a situation? Share your thoughts below!