UPDATE AITAH for being disgusted and just saying OK when my Fiancé broke up with me?

A Reddit user shared an unsettling update about their breakup, detailing the increasingly erratic behavior of their ex-fiancé, Alex. Despite having no contact after the split, Alex became jealous and accusatory over an innocent outing, leaving angry texts, voicemails, and even showing up uninvited at a bar and their home. The user describes feeling drained and unsafe, contemplating legal steps for peace of mind. Read the full story below.

‘ UPDATE AITAH for being disgusted and just saying OK when my Fiancé broke up with me?’

To start, Alex moved out pretty quickly after the breakup. He has been staying with a friend, and we sorted out everything like mail, subscriptions, and the lease. I’m also in the process of adopting a cat. Her name is Luna, but I have been thinking about changing it since my family already has two pets named Luna, a Moon, and Qamar.

She is still at her foster home for now, but I have visited her a few times, and I already adore her. She is a scrappy little tabby who follows her foster mom around like a shadow, and I can’t wait for her to move in during the first week of December. I’ve already gotten her bowls, toys, and a bed by the window ready.

Now onto what happened. Last week, I was out showing someone around the city. He is the son of my parents’ friends who recently moved here for work. My parents asked me to help him get familiar with the area, so I agreed. It was nothing special, just walking around, grabbing coffee, and pointing out useful spots in the city.. Apparently, Alex saw us.

I didn’t even realize he was there, but later that night, I started getting texts from an unknown number. I guess he got a new number since I blocked his old one. The texts were just weird. He accused me of flaunting my “new relationship” in public, said I must have been seeing this guy before we broke up, and told me that everything he suspected about me was true.

I didn’t respond. I wasn’t going to entertain his paranoia. The messages kept coming though. They went from angry to desperate, with him saying things like, “At least admit you were lying to me,” and, “Was anything about us even real?” It was exhausting and honestly a little scary to see how quickly he spiraled. For the record, this guy isn’t my boyfriend.

He’s not even someone I’m interested in. He’s just the son of family friends who needed help settling into the city. The whole thing was completely innocent, but Alex has twisted it into some kind of betrayal in his head. What gets me is how little Alex seems to know me. I’m not the type of person to jump into a relationship so soon after everything that happened. Even if I were, it wouldn’t be any of his business. We are done. I’ve made that clear.

After I didn’t respond to his texts, Alex started calling. I didn’t pick up, but the voicemails were a mix of angry rants and desperate pleas. I ended up blocking his new number too. It feels ridiculous that I have to keep doing this, but I guess this is where we are now. Then this weekend, I went out to a bar with my friends. A few hours in, guess who walked in? Alex.

I don’t know if it was a coincidence or if he followed me there, but as soon as he spotted me, he came straight over. He was clearly upset, asking to talk, and I told him no. My friends stepped in, and thankfully, he left without causing a scene, but it ruined my night. It felt like I couldn’t escape him, no matter where I went or what I did.

When I got home later that night, I was completely drained. I had just started to relax when I heard a knock on my door. It was Alex, standing there in tears. He started crying, saying he missed me, that he didn’t understand why I was “doing this to him,” and that he didn’t know how to move on.

It was like all the anger from earlier had been replaced with this desperate sadness. I didn’t let him in. I told him he needed to leave, and if he didn’t, I would call someone to make him leave. He begged me to listen, but I just closed the door.

I spent the rest of the night feeling shaken and honestly a little scared. I don’t know what he’s going through. I wrote his best friend about the situation but the plea of talking to him.

He said he would. I’m seriously considering getting a new phone number and possibly even talking to someone about how to handle this legally if it keeps happening. It feels unfair that I have to go to these lengths just to have some peace, but I don’t see another option.. . AITAH for being disgusted and just saying OK when my Fiancé broke up with me?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

Caspian4136 −  I think keep track of every call, text and VM, collect a “paper trail” in case you need to go the legal route. Maybe get an additional lock on your door just in case. He’s obviously unstable and has been for a while. Just focus on yourself and your new chapter in life, don’t feed into his crap.

anothertypicalcmmnt −  “Once is a coincidence, twice is a pattern.” – I can’t imagine that he just happened to see you when you were out in the city twice. Definitely get prepared in case you need to file a restraining order and take legal action.

Be sure to practice good safety like locking doors and windows. Maybe even preemptively tell whoever works the front desk or whatever at work to not let him in if he comes to your work place? Hopefully overtime he will come to see that this relationship is completely over, and he will stop bothering you.

unusuallysunny76 −  He broke up…with you? Like sir, chill.

Solraay-xWest −  You’re handling this really well setting boundaries is hard but necessary. Stay firm, and don’t hesitate to involve legal help if it keeps up.

trdr88 −  Nta. He’s p**cho

Fredredphooey −  He may have put a tracking device on your car or inside the lining of your purse. Have a mechanic check your car. 

imnotpaulyd_ipromise −  I would tell him that if he keeps coming over like that you won’t let him in and you will call the cops. Also hopefully he will lose interest and stop getting new numbers to harass you pretty soon. And most importantly: congrats on the cat! That is great place to invest your energy and help get this c**ep out of your mental space

mphs95 −  OP, you failed his test. However, he is desperate to give you a make-up test and can’t understand why, instead of taking this amazing opportunity, you’re accepting the failing grade of remaining his ex. In other words, you broke his brain, and he’s desperate for the dopamine that is power and control over you. Stay strong, but think about moving and be more security conscious. Maybe even a cease and desist letter.

Contribution4afriend −  Wait wait… Isn’t this the guy that finished a degree and said he rejected a program to be with you (without you knowing about it) BUT in the he was the one to break up???. Like, HE broke up.. Wtf!

I don’t think you are in danger. I am just sure he is winning somewhere making you the villain. But the way you described him before he is just a pathetic mess that would blame you all the time for the rest of your life. You forgot to pay the cat tax by the way. Shame on you.

Good_Ad6336 −  Please, please, please, get a professional to look over your phone and car. Look for any sort of tracking. Once is coincidence, twice is a pattern. The fact that he knew when you got home adds to that. Please be safe.

Do you think the user handled Alex’s behavior appropriately, or should they have responded differently to his actions? How would you navigate setting boundaries with an ex who struggles to let go? Share your thoughts below!