AITAH for not allowing my ex to reconnect with my daughter after she ghosted me for 4 years?

A single father (34M) is grappling with his ex-partner’s sudden return after she ghosted him and his daughter (now 15) for four years. The ex abruptly ended their serious relationship years ago, claiming it was for her mental health, leaving the daughter heartbroken.

Recently, she returned, expressing remorse and asking for a chance to reconnect. The father refused and told his daughter about the encounter, leading them to burn the gifts and letter the ex brought.

The daughter even sent videos of the burning to the ex before blocking her. While the father questions whether their actions were too cruel, his main concern is his daughter’s happiness. Read the original story below…

‘ AITAH for not allowing my ex to reconnect with my daughter after she ghosted me for 4 years?’

I (34M) have a daughter who’s now 15. Her mom sadly passed away when she was only 1. I met my ex a few years later at the library. When we started becoming serious, I made it clear to her that I was a single dad, and raising my daughter was my priority.

However, my ex was completely ok, and we started dating. We were really serious about marriage and our future, especially because my ex had struck a really nice bond with my daughter. My daughter really liked her.

However, one day, my ex spoke to me and said she wanted a breakup for her mental health, and she asked me to never reach out to her again. She was really abrupt and crude. After we broke up, I did try reaching to her and her family but no one responded.

Most of all it really hurt my daughter, and she cried a lot the first few months. 3 years in, my daughter all but gave up hope, and started resenting my ex. I do accept that I had some part in the resentment, because I wanted my daughter to understand what my ex did was a really cruel thing.

Last month, my ex came outside my door. She was tearing up a lot and gave a long explanation for why she ghosted me, basically the gist of it was it was for her mental health. She even got a couple of gifts for my daughter and said she really wanted to meet her.

However, I told her she was never going to meet my daughter ever again, and that my daughter hated her. I told her she had only a few minutes to get off my porch. My ex was really remorseful and crying a lot, and she asked me to just speak with my daughter and give her a chance.

She also gave me a note with her new phone number. When my daughter came back home, I told her about my ex and if she wanted to speak to her. My daughter was really surprised and shocked, but she did get immediately angry and said a lot of bad words to my ex.

I showed my daughter the gifts my ex had gotten her, which included a long handwritten letter. However, my daughter recommended we either throw it in the trash or burn it. I thought burning was a good therapeutic activity so we went along with it and burned the gifts.

My daughter and I had a really good time and we were laughing. My daughter took videos of the gifts burning and sent it to my ex’s new new phone number and she then blocked her. I do think some of this was a bit cruel but my daughter does seem really happy, and that’s my priority. AITAH?

Here’s the feedback from the Reddit community:

Broad-Discipline2360 −  Good job. F your ex.. NTA

Jackamus01 −  NTA probably going to get some backlash from her and her family for that video but s**ew them, they didn’t do you any favors 4 years ago

winterworld561 −  I think your ex was full of s**t and that she just met someone else, but when it fell apart she came running back to you. F**k that.

Mean_Cantaloupe_871 −  Your daughter should be your priority. Good on you. Don’t let this evil and cruel woman around your daughter. You seem like a good dad.

Fresh_Caramel8148 −  NTA. Honestly, i feel like “mental health” has become a bit of a buzzword these days and people feel it’s a get out of jail free card. They can do whatever they want regardless of the damage and then say “but mental health!!”

Our mental health is important and we need to take care of it, but when it’s at the expense of others, there are going to be consequences. Which your ex is finding out.

Perfect_Ring3489 −  Nta. Your daughter is your priority. Your ex cut and run.

paradisia963 −  Wow, it seems that everyone in this story needs therapy asap

leftytrash161 −  NTA for everything up until letting your daughter send the ex videos of her burning the gifts. If you don’t want her in your lives, block her and move on. Don’t only reach out to torture her, that’s sadistic and mean spirited and not the kind of person you want to raise.

FakinFunk −  Yeah, if someone crosses my kid, that’s kind of it for them. If that trifling b**ch shows up again, just tell her you really need her to go to hell, you know, for the sake of your “mental health.”

Gooey_Cookie_girl −  NTA – but make sure your daughter doesn’t start a fire after every event, especially if her romantic interests decide to break up with her. That’s kind of like, not healthy.

Was the father justified in prioritizing his daughter’s feelings, or could he have approached the situation more constructively? Should the ex be given a chance to explain herself after such a long absence? Share your thoughts below!