AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving because my family keeps using my house as a free hotel?

A frustrated homeowner has hosted Thanksgiving for five years, but her family has taken advantage of her hospitality, treating her house like a free hotel. From refusing to help with cleanup to raiding her fridge, their behavior last year was the breaking point.

Despite announcing in September that she wouldn’t host, her family refuses to step up, pressuring her to take on the responsibility again. Now, with Thanksgiving around the corner, no one has made other plans, and she’s questioning whether she’s wrong for standing her ground. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for refusing to host Thanksgiving because my family keeps using my house as a free hotel?’

Thanksgiving is just around the corner, and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. For the past five years, I’ve hosted at my house, and it’s gone from being something I genuinely loved to something I absolutely dread. The main issue isn’t the cooking or cleaning it’s how my family treats my home like a free hotel.

They don’t just come for the meal; they show up days early and act like they’re on vacation. My brother brings his kids, who immediately take over the living room with toys, snacks, and whatever mess they can make. My sister doesn’t lift a finger, claiming she’s “just here to relax,” and my mom spends the entire time critiquing everything I do.

She even made me iron the tablecloth last year, saying it was “embarrassing” for the family to eat on wrinkles. Last year was the final straw. My brother’s kids raided the fridge the morning after Thanksgiving, finishing off the leftover pie I was saving to share with my in-laws that weekend.

No one helped clean up after dinner my husband and I spent two hours washing dishes while everyone else lounged in the living room, drinking wine. When I complained later, my sister rolled her eyes and said, “Well, you’re the one who wanted to host.”

This year, I decided I wasn’t going to do it. Back in September, I told everyone I needed a break and suggested we rotate hosting duties or go out to a restaurant. My mom said I was being selfish and that my house “is the most comfortable.” My sister flat-out refused, saying her apartment is “too small,” and my brother said he’s too busy to host because of his work schedule.

Since then, they’ve been constantly pressuring me to change my mind. My mom even said, “You’re ruining Thanksgiving for everyone,” and my brother promised to “help more this year,” though I’ve heard that before. Now, with only a day to go, no one has stepped up to host, and the family group chat is a passive-aggressive mess.

My mom keeps implying that Thanksgiving might not happen at all if I don’t agree to host, which makes me feel terrible. On one hand, I feel like it’s unfair for them to expect me to carry the burden year after year, especially when they treat me and my home with so little respect.

On the other hand, the idea of Thanksgiving falling apart because of me is making me second-guess myself. Part of me wonders if I should just s**k it up and host to keep the peace, but another part of me feels like I deserve a break too. AITA for standing my ground and refusing to host this year?

Let’s dive into the reactions from Reddit:

AndThenTheUndertaker −  NTA. When I complained later, my sister rolled her eyes and said, “Well, you’re the one who wanted to host.” Throw this back into her face for literally all of eternity.

FantasticCabinet2623 −  NTA. They’re just mad their free ride is over. Thanksgiving isn’t falling apart because of you, it’s falling apart because your family are selfish, ungrateful assholes.

_s1m0n_s3z −  NTA. Stand your ground. They are treating you like a servant.

lurninandlurkin −  NTA. Take your mom saying “thanksgiving might not happen at all” as a blessing in disguise. Don’t fold or you’ll be stuck repeating it forever.

Fun-Yellow-6576 −  NTA. Don’t host anything for at least 5 years.

No_Cod3515 −  NTA – Your family’s treating you like a free hotel and restaurant. They show up early, make a mess, don’t help, and guilt trip you when you set boundaries. Your house isn’t a free-for-all zone just because you’ve got space. The whole “you wanted to host” excuse is BS – wanting to host doesn’t mean signing up to be everyone’s maid and chef forever.

Stand firm. Let them figure it out. If Thanksgiving falls apart, that’s on them for not stepping up, not you. Their lack of planning isn’t your emergency. Pro tip: If you ever host again, set clear arrival/departure times and make everyone pitch in. Or just meet at a restaurant – way less drama.

Single_Firefighter_9 −  Call their bluff. Say “It seems like you are all well aware of the burden it is to host everyone when there is so little help. I am not doing it again. I am now in the category “I can’t host” with the rest of you. If no one will take a turn to host and the restaurant isn’t an option, me and hubby can just spend it with his parents instead this year.”

didthefabrictear −  The whole thanksgiving s**t show is just so weird to most non Americans. That said – f**k these people. They come to your house, take over your home, don’t lift a finger to help, eat your food and then b**ch when you won’t back up for a SIXTH year in a row?

Do not s**k it up, do not give in to this manipulation – that is just b**lshit. Your brother won’t help more, your sister will still be there to relax and your mum will still criticise anything she can. When you talk about ‘keeping the peace’ – what about your peace? I’d be booking a nice hotel for you and your hubby to spend thanksgiving together, not at home so the scabs (sorry, your family) can’t just rock up.. NTA – so NTA.

No_Cockroach4248 −  Start a new tradition with your husband, do something different every Thanksgiving, go on holiday, visit your in-laws, visit your husband’s extended family member, celebrate with friends…have a nice relaxing Thanksgiving. NTA, you family is very unhappy they cannot get a free holiday with food and lodging thrown in.

duxbak79 −  Make sure you lock your doors and windows and remove any emergency hidden keys. Turn off the lights and you and the hubby haul ass to the next town over for some quiet R&R. Don’t say a word to anyone else. Just don’t answer texts or calls until Friday or maybe not even until Sunday afternoon. My guess is that your family is going to show up tomorrow and expect you to let them in the house. Best for all concerned if you aren’t there.

Is she right to hold her boundaries and refuse to host this year, or should she step in to save Thanksgiving for her family? How would you handle a family dynamic like this? Share your thoughts below!