AITA for telling my Husband that I didn’t want to come home after coming back from a health resort with the 2 kids, while he didn’t do anything?

A Reddit user (27F) recounts her frustration with her husband (33M) after returning from a three-week therapeutic retreat with their two young children. Despite her simple requests for him to handle basic chores while she was away, she came back to find them undone, leaving her overwhelmed. An argument led her to tell him she wished she hadn’t come back home. Now, she’s grappling with her feelings and seeking advice on how to move forward. Read the full story below.

‘ AITA for telling my Husband that I didn’t want to come home after coming back from a health resort with the 2 kids, while he didn’t do anything?’

Hi, so I (27F) and my husband (33M) we are married for 7 years already. We got 2 kids (a girl 3 and boy 5). He works for 40 Hours a week while I work 32 hours a week. He dresses them and brings them to childcare and makes them ready for bed and puts them to sleep. I do the household, cooking, laundry (he helpes me from time to time but only if I ask). He goes with the dog in the morning and I go in the evening.

It was always like that, and I never had any issues so far, till I went to a therapeutic center with our 2 kids for 3 full weeks. In the time I was gone, I asked him to do 3 normal chores. Cleaning the toilet, sending a packet back, and cleaning the laundry in our kids’ room. He did nothing of that. I flipped and went mad, and he said he did so many things like cleaning out the garden from stones, even though they would be collected in jaunary.

So his work wasn’t necessary. He told me I should appreciate that he does household stuff and it’s my own fault I went to a therapeutic center I could stay with the kids and he could’ve take care of the kids like always. He told me I s**k at communicating because I’m sick of it, telling him what to do.

After a few arguments, I flipped and basically told him I’d rather didn’t come back home. Because now he went on a work trip and I’m now alone with the Kids and need to clean up after the 3 weeks. Now the question AITA and what should I do after he comes back?

Take a look at the comments from fellow users:

guten_morgan −  OP are you in Germany? And was this a Mutter-Kind Kur? Because people are going to see the word resort and be frothing at the mouth. If it is that, you might want to expand on the concept so people can understand that it’s not a resort in the sense they’re thinking of, it’s more like parent rehab for moms who are at the end of their tether.

There’s lot of different kinds but they’re usually out in quiet, rural areas, you have individual therapy as well as group therapy and even family therapy, they have childcare for the times you need to do adult stuff etc. there can also be spa like things as well to help with stress management.

As an example I had a friend who went to one of these because one of her kids had horrendous allergies as a baby and they couldn’t figure out what was going on, he didn’t sleep, was covered in rashes all the time and she had 4 other kids to take care of.

This place specialized in children like her son so they not only figured out what was going on with him, but she got help for the stress she’d been under not sleeping, taking him back and forth to the hospital and taking care of her other kids. All in a relaxing and controlled environment with lots of professionals around.

Fragrant-Duty-9015 −  NTA it’s ridiculous he couldn’t do basic household management while you were away and you were stuck cleaning up after him when you got back. It’s actually appalling that he didn’t think to clean the toilet once in 3 weeks. He shouldn’t have to be told to clean up after himself.

EastLeastCoast −  NTA. Those are… not things an adult should need to be told or asked to do. Those are basic functions of adult and parent life.

LiveLoveLaugh31 −  NTA, I don’t think that was a big ask tbh.

olagorie −  NTA I immediately thought about Mutter Kind Kur when I read your post. Dear readers, especially American ones, this kind of several weeklong therapy stay that includes childcare is really great to support both mothers and fathers who desperately need help. And yes, apart from a 10€ / day copay for food, it gets covered by public health insurance. But nowadays, it’s incredibly hard to get approved by a doctor/ the health care provider.

This isn’t a spa for stressed out parents. This is a stay for parents who have such severe mental or physical health problems that they are basically falling apart. OP it says a lot about your husband that he has let it go this bad for you to need this stay. He basically had a three week long child free vacation and was too lazy to do very easy chores.. I am so so sorry.

trainpk85 −  I don’t think people understand that admin is a chore which includes project management of the house. In my house I do “admin” and cooking. He does everything else. We used to have a cleaner but he doesn’t want to pay for one anymore so he does it. He also does the gardening and decorating.

However I write him a list and tell him which days he is doing what and manage it so he doesn’t feel o**rwhelmed. I know if something is a 2 man job and organise my brother to help if needed. I know if something is out of his skill set and arrange a company to take over if that’s what we need.

It sounds controlling but he has asked for it to be like this. If we need a room painting then the but he doesn’t like is going to buy the paint and the choosing process. He doesn’t mind the actual painting. I know not to schedule it when he’s watching football or boxing.

He never ever chooses what to have for his dinner or his lunch. He doesn’t like having to make that decision. I even pick what he wants from the Chinese menu. He counts decision making as admin. He thinks it’s a chore. This has to be recognised though because I also think it’s a chore so I wouldn’t want to have to do all of this then all of the household stuff as well.

lorannamae −  Leave him with the kids for 3 weeks and let him figure it out. You’re a married single mother, OP. he doesn’t value you or the tasks you do.

NotYourDadBR −  This is a cartoon that illustrates the overload women deal with and the extra work that having to tell their partners what to do represents. I hope it helps you with the conversation with your husband.

bilingual_weirdo −  NTA, your request was the bare minimum. He had 3 weeks. He didn’t have the kids to look after, he most likely just didn’t feel like doing it and just told himself that you’ll take care of it when you get back.